Adventures of the Reluctant Housewife

done Done DONE

2010-04-22T08:24:00.005-04:00

It is official. I am done the first year of my degree, which makes me, in the clever words of a friend of mine, a half-librarian. It's been such a wild ride that it has forced me to neglect my poor, long suffering blog audience. I am truly sorry for that. My traffic is at an all time low. Oh and of course because I love you all. Of course.

So news about me (because 'what is more interesting than me?', apparently):

1. My grandmother is celebrating a significant birthday this month and I am going to have the opportunity to give her a hug and congratulations in person. This might not seem like such a big deal, but it was unlikely that I was going to be able to travel the 1100 km that seperate us to do so. Through an epic coming together of many factors, such as Hub's work schedule, air flights, school being done and a friend agreeing to be a 'back-up babysitter' in the event of another natural disaster that prevents me from getting back. So thanks to everyone and everything involved in me being able to go because I really want to give Nan a hug in person. Happy Birthday, Nan!

2. I have a full-time job, starting May 3rd, through the co-op department at school that is going to last for the next eight months. What that means is that I won't have homework and I am planning on spending some of the resulting precious free time in the evenings and weekends here, telling stories. TRUE stories of REAL crime... Or, you know, on second thought, just stuff that happens to me in my life, which, hopefully will not be true crime because that would suck.

3. How crazy was that volcano? Did you know it was caused by a lolcat?

image source

4. I've had some comments from some new readers that were very kind. I want to officially say Hi! and Welcome! and Thanks for reading! to them now. Also? You're awesome!

5. Finally, I just want to complain that I now have no excuse for not cleaning the house. My papers are done. The house needs cleaning. So for the one week I have off between now and the first day of my new job, I have a few special projects lined up: I want to clean out the cars, which are full of playground sand; I want to clean the office, which is currently so messy is would not be out of place on one of those shows where people have such large, clutter filled messes that they call in the experts who force them to put all their stuff in three piles out on their back lawns; I want to see a movie or two; I want to clean out the storage room downstairs and deal with the spiderwebs and dust in the basement; I want to scrub out the fridge; I want to go to the art gallery. I think that's it. I probably won't get this all done. Top priority - the office and the cars.

So. I guess that's it for now! Talk to you soon!

Nag on the Lake

2010-03-22T20:46:00.003-04:00

Do you read Nag on the Lake?

You really should. There's always something interesting or funny to enjoy and she updates more often than anyone I've seen (not sure how she does it - I think she must really be 3 people) (Hey Nag, are you 3 people?) For example, I checked out maybe 9 new posts last evening and now there's 6 more for me to enjoy - some videos, some singing cats, a Mondrian cake and what appears to be a comic strip about life in Iran. I can't wait. You should check it out, too. It's awesome.

And, just to put your mind at ease, I feel I should say that the Nag's name is false advertising... even though I've been reading her blog for years, she has never nagged me. Not once. So no need to worry about that.

Beard!

2010-03-19T19:06:00.001-04:00

The Horn

2010-03-18T21:17:00.006-04:00

They had crazy hair day at Buddy's daycare this week. When I asked him how he wanted me to do his hair, he gazed up at me and said, "Mommy, I want a horn."

"A horn?"

"Right here," he said, gathering the front of his hair into a point over his forehead.

I reached into the back of the bathroom cabinet and pulled out the hair paste that's still hanging around from when my hair was short... back in 2004. "I think I can set you up," I told him.

And I did:

Hope you're impressed!

Thank you for your comments this week. They've cheered me up as I struggle with school, the kids' march break, co-op workterm interviews and everything else. Hugs!

The Truth

2010-03-17T16:55:00.001-04:00

I enjoy looking at pictures of other people's houses and seeing evidence that they're kinda messy like mine.

It makes me feel less inadequate.

What is a toonie

2010-03-16T20:41:00.008-04:00

I told a story recently about an awkward moment between me and man who asked me for a Toonie, which prompted some of you to ask, "What's a toonie?"

Well, in the interest of educating the world about Canada, I will tell you.

A Toonie is the Canadian two dollar coin:

When I was a little kid, Canada had paper one and two dollar bills (as well as the 5, 10, 20, 50, and up bills that we still have). In 1987, when I was... um... (quick mental math) 12 years old, the Canadian government decided they wanted our currency to be more unique (at least that's how I remember it - don't quote me on that) and they introduced our one dollar coin. We quickly nicknamed the coin (once we stopped belly-aching about how heavy they were to carry compared to the paper bills - Canadians love to complain) the Loonie because of there's a picture of a loon on it:

You can kind of see the logic, eh?

And in 1996, once Canadians were used to hauling around large bags full of golden loonies, the government introduced the two dollar coin. We named it the Toonie because it rhymes with loonie (everybody loves a rhyme!) and it's a two dollar coin. According to Wikipedia, it can also be spelled 'tooney' or 'twoney' but I've always seen it spelled 'Toonie'. Another interesting tidbit I picked up about my country's currency that I did not know before right now (oops, ignorance abounds) is that the bear on the Toonie is named 'Churchill' after Churchill, Manitoba: the polar bear capital of the world. You can go to Churchill and take tours in giant vehicles made to cross the frozen tundra to view the bears in their natural habitat. The tour operators give you a 45% guarantee that the bears will not eat you! It's great.

So there you have it. That, my friends, is what a Toonie is.

More Ass to Kick

2010-03-15T10:57:00.005-04:00

I've been putting on weight.

You see, school keeps me really busy. And by "really busy" I mean silent-scream-wild-eyed-ripping-of-hair-and-gnashing-of-teeth-can't-stop-now-or-I'll-never-get-this-done BUSY. So I haven't had time to go the gym. I mean it. I really, really haven't had time.

On top of that, when I'm stressed I tend to self-medicate with food. So, to put it simply, I've been silent-scream-wild-eyed-riping-of-hair-and-gnashing-of-teeth-can't-stop-now-or-I'll-never-get-this-done STRESSED... and, honey, that makes for a bad case of the munchies.

This is a problem for 2 reasons:

1. We have big plans as a family.

We want to do one of the those walking vacations in England. The wonderful ones where you walk the countryside while your lovely tour company moves all your stuff from the hotel you stayed in last night, to the hotel you'll stay in tonight. Midday, you stop and have lunch and a pint in a nice British pub...

image source

and then you meander on your way, enjoying the countryside and arriving at your next stop just in time for dinner.

Also, those biking vacations in Europe sound wonderful. Biking in the Netherlands or Germany or the north of France.

Check it out! It's us on bikes (years ago now).

I'd like to take the kids downhill skiing sometime.

I don't know when we'll have the money to do these things, but I want to be ready when and if we do. Also, there's the right now activities - walking, hiking, playing with the kids, swimming, skating, etc. I need to be fairly fit to enjoy them with my family and I don't want to be so out of shape that I can't do active stuff with my kids.

2. I don't want to get so fat I can't bend over.

I'm watching a show on HGTV.ca (free live streaming in Canada - THANK YOU HGTV) about this newly married couple who are renovating a house. It's a great show. The husband is funny and charismatic but he's quite big and I couldn't help but notice on the latest show that, when he was babysitting a friend's toddler, he had trouble bending down to play trains with the little boy on the floor. His belly got in the way.

image source

I really don't want that to happen to me.

So what I've decided I'm going to do is this:

The plan

1. Not renew my gym membership, because I'm not using it anyway. I might buy a summer membership, though, so we can use their outdoor pool (which is beautiful - they just converted to salt from chlorine). Paying for a gym membership is expensive and useless if I'm not using it. If I don't renew it, I can put that money towards something I will enjoy doing - like #6 or #7.

2. Get work-out videos from the library and (shhh, I don't think this is legal) copy them onto my computer.

3. Do the workout videos often... like everyday. Or, at least, on the days I'm at home all day working.

4. Take walks. duh.

5. Maybe take up running again. Maybe. I don't really enjoy running, you see. But you can't argue with the fact that it's good exercise.

6. Join the 'walk a marathon' class at the Running Room. I heard about this on CBC - the guy who reaches the class says that walking is better than running and he trains for and walks marathons. Sounds like good training for a walking vacation in England to me.

7. Think about signing up for those kick boxing classes, burn off that stress by kicking and punching.

And that's my plan.

Wish me luck!

PS: I did a work-out video this morning by the guy who choreographed the dancing for Madonna's latest tour:

It was fun, but HARD. I'm sure I looked ridiculous trying to keep up with the dance moves at full-speed. There's times I wish my curtains were more opaque.

But at least I was up and moving, right?

xo

Late Night Walks

2010-03-14T13:14:00.006-04:00

When I was in high school I had a close-knit group of friends. We spent just about every weekend together.

At night we used to talk long walks along the lonely roads of the rural community where I grew up.

When cars would pass us, we'd stop on the side of the road and assume a 'family portrait' pose - we'd stand side by side, facing the road, turned slightly inward towards those in the center of the group, those in front kneeling, those in back with a hand placed lovingly on the shoulder of the person in front of them, all smiling inanely and vacant-eyed at an imaginary photographer in the distance.

image source

We'd hold the pose until the car had passed and disappeared into the distance, then w'd resume our walk. When the next car came along, we'd form our family portrait post again. And when that got dull, we got creative.

We'd form a still-image of a Kung-Fu battle.

i mage source

Or a still-image of a dance-routine, usually Lord of the Dance style.

image source

Sure, we were weird. But we did have fun.

Travels

2010-03-10T20:07:00.004-05:00

All of the pictures are screenshots from Google street view. Locations include: Ronda, Spain; Central Mexico; a mountain pass in Corsica; and Alberta. I also visited Japan, Finland, Scotland, Northern Canada, British Colombia, PEI, Wellington in New Zealand (hi Sue!), lakes district in England, the southern coast of England, the north of France, Florence (a great place to play 'spot the tourist'), the Golden Gate Bridge in San Franciso and NYC.

Google street view is my new obsession.

Kindergartner!

2010-03-03T12:56:00.000-05:00

This is adorable.

Kindergartner!

Someone Jacked My Fist

2010-02-27T08:20:00.008-05:00

I had a job interview yesterday. It was a phone interview.

I think I've mentioned before how much I hate the phone. I find it so hard to gauge what the people on the other end of the line are thinking. Without body language cues, I simply can't judge if they're laughing with me or at me. And, yes, they're usually laughing. For some reason I amuse people, especially when I'm not trying to. It's all a little bit out of my control over the phone. I don't have the (much appreciated, trust me) added control of editing, rewriting, adding popular culture references and Dooce caps that I have here. Phones are no fun. Writing is fun. Talking to people in person is okay. Phones are stressful.

I'm left with the general feeling that I made a fool of myself. And I'm reminded of that episode of Friends when Chandler had to do a job interview... Do you remember it? He was completely unable to have an adult conversation until Pheobe coached him.

She did such a great job that he nailed the interview until the end when the interviewer told him that it went well and he relaxed and confessed that he'd had trouble not laughing when the interviewer mentioned the word 'duties' over and over again, which Chandler, being completely unable to have an adult conversation, heard as 'doodies' and, as such, found deeply funny. And in that post-interview juvenile confession, he lost the respect he'd gained by nailing the interview.

I feel like I'm a bit too much like Chandler, only minus the Pheobe factor.

But then I feel like that after almost any social interaction.

Fun with social anxiety. Whee!

So, yes.... we'll see what comes of that, won't we?

*****

The other day I was dropping off some dry cleaning at the little mall down the street. It was raining and snowing (yes, both at the same time) and messy and, really, I'm not going to march down the street carrying a men's pin-stripe business suit, so I drove. As I pulled into a parking spot, I noticed a man standing awkwardly in the drive. He was watching me in a way that made it clear he was waiting for me to get out of the car so he could ask me a question. He looked like he needed directions.

I grabbed the men's pin-stripe business suit off of the passenger seat, opened my door and attempted to step out of the car gracefully. Stepping out of anything gracefully is a challenge for me on a good day. This day was slippery and wet (heh) and I was holding a men's pin-stripe business suit, which I was trying very hard to keep dry, in one hand; so naturally I stumbled. I took a step back to steady myself, fairly sure I was about to fall in the slush, just as the man turned and started towards me. He saw me take a step back, he noticed the alarmed look on my face and he stopped, put his hands up in an open palmed, CALM DOWN gesture and said, "Whoa! It's okay. I'm safe. I'm safe."

I gazed back at him, wondering to myself if I should bother explaining that I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid of falling in the dirty parking lot slush and ruining the men's pin-stripe business suit I was holding (men's pin-stripe business suits are expensive!). I decided not to bother and continued to gaze at him, waiting for him to get to the point.

"Um," he said, obviously sorry he decided to approach Overreaction Woman (the world's most annoying super hero). "Um, do you have any loose change you can spare? I'm looking for two toonies."

I gazed at him some more while I did a mental check of my pockets. No change. I never have change. "No," I said.

"Okay," he backed away slowly, hands still held up in an open-palmed, CALM DOWN gesture.

I shrugged, turned and walked into the mall to drop off the men's pin-stripe business suit at the cleaners.

*****

After a long day at school, I arrived home, opened the door and set down my backpack in preparation for taking off my boots and coat.

Buddy ran into the room, "Mommy! Mommy! Someone jacked my fist!"

I squinted at him, "What?"

"My fist! Someone jacked my fist!"

I thought about it for a second, trying to give the words some kind of meaning. I failed.

"What?" I asked.

Buddy looked at me with pity, obviously feeling sorry for me, considering my extreme stupidity. He slowed down his speech so that I could understand, "Someone... Jacked... My.... FIST."

Nope, still didn't make sense. "Someone whated your what now?" I asked.

"You know!" he told me, although I think it was pretty obvious that I didn't. "My Fist! My Gogos Fist. I had it at school and someone jacked it."

"What do you mean, jacked?"

"He stole it! He took it from my Gogos tin. Simon told me he did, because Simon is in his class so he knows. He said he'd get it back for me."

"Oh," I said.

Are you familiar with Gogos? They've exploded in popularity at the boys' school. They're these weird little guys the boys use to stage epic toy battles. It's a similar idea to Pokemon or Bakugan. Fist is one of the characters. He has a fist for a head (of course he does).

I explained to Buddy that he had no way of knowing for sure if the boy in question took his Fist. I explained that he might have his own Fist. That there is more than one Fist in the world. I explained about innocent until proven guilty. I explained that Fist might have just fallen out of his bag anywhere. I explained that he can't really accuse someone of 'jacking' without proof.

This story has no punch line or even an ending... I just wanted to share it to illustrate that IT has started. My son is coming home with newfangled terminology that I'm too over the hill to understand. I believe it's all down hill from here, isn't it? This is the beginning of the end. Soon I'll be muttering to myself about the good old days and saying 'Is that how the kids are saying it these days?' and 'I remember when...' and 'We had to walk. Uphill BOTH WAYS'.

I don't know why I'm surprised. I turn 35 in a few months. This was inevitable. Where did my youth go? I had it right here just a minute ago...

Help! Help! Someone jacked my youth!

Beaker net trolled and loled to death

2010-02-12T17:37:00.001-05:00

More Drivel and Boring

2010-02-10T08:41:00.002-05:00

You know... Sometimes I take things too seriously.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm all about fun and laughter and jokes and not taking anything too seriously. Which is contradicting what I just said, but whatever.

Sometimes, though, people say things that I'm sure are meant kindly and probably they're kidding or maybe they're trying to be helpful... but it makes me mad or it makes me sad or self-conscious, or whatever. I have a negative reaction to it. And the person just goes on merrily as though nothing happened. But my world is kind of wonky for a bit.

And then I think to myself, does everyone see how preachy or mean or whatever this is? Or is it just me? It probably is just me. I'm too sensitive. My Dad always told me I was.

I'm pretty sure it's just me.

Actually I'm 100% sure of it. It's just me.

I'm too sensitive.

Skeezy is for Cool People

2010-01-27T06:52:00.006-05:00

I think I have a work wife.

Definition from Urban Dictionary: Work Wife - That person at work (same or opposite sex) that takes the place of your "at home" spouse while you are at work (no sexual relationship is part of this being!) You talk with, connect to, and relate to this person as good as or better than your "at home" spouse with regards to all things work related.

Snotty aside: the problem with using this definition is that it makes me want to edit it. With my edits it would be: A person of the same or opposite sex who takes the place of your at home spouse while you are at work (there is no sexual component to this relationship). You talk, connect, and relate to this person as well as or better than your at home spouse regarding all things work related.

The only other thing I would add is that you don't need to have a spouse 'at home' in order to have a spouse at work. So my further edit is as follows: A work colleague of either gender with whom one shares a non-sexual connection similar to the companionship aspect of marriage.

Or something like that.

But of course, in my case, it's a school spouse I have, rather than a work wife. School is funny like that. You're thrown together for large chunks of time with people you naturally have stuff in common with. Friendships happen. Even to weirdos like me.

On the very first day of school, I rushed into class 5 minutes late and frazzled and grabbed the chair closest to the door. Sitting next to me was Erika, the woman who would one day become my work wife.

When did I know it was meant to be?

It was when Erika uttered the phrase "skeezy is only for cool people."

It was after class one day, soon after we'd met. Erika and I were chatting as we made our way to the parking lot. We were discussing mullets.

"I'm not a big fan," I said. "In fact, I think they're really skeezy."

Erika stopped walking and turned to stare at me.

"Wait. Stop," she said.

"What?"

"Where did you hear that word? Is that just an Ontario thing?"

"What word? Skeezy?"

"Yeah. I used that word once with a friend who's not from Ontario and she said she'd never heard it before."

"Oh. It's definitely not just an Ontario thing. I think I got it from Buffy" (Side note: I know exactly where I got it and it was from Buffy, from the musical episode - Zander and Anya's song I'll Never Tell, from the lyrics "He snores. She wheezes. Say "housework," and he freezes. She eats these Skeezy cheeses that I can't describe." I just didn't want to share that level of Buffy knowledge that early in our relationship).

"Oh okay," Erika said, nodding her head with dawning, slightly wry, understanding. "It's not just for Ontarians... it's just for cool people."

Awesome.

My appreciation of Erika's wry sense of humor was cemented by this gmail chat exchange about our 8:30am class:

me: good night
à demain
or
you know...

early

Erika: meh.

I'll be there with bells on

me: cool
very musical of you.

i'll be wearing pants

Erika: wow.

we're both trying out new things

Yes. Erika is funny. And because we have all the same classes there are days each week when I spend more time with her than I do with what the urban dictionary definition refers to as my "at home" spouse, and my "at home" children (happily I haven't yet adopted any 'at work' children - I can only assume they would be colleagues who expect me to make their meals and clean up their messes). We have stuff in common. We have a growing list of inside jokes (involving things like whether we've ever been to the library, mustaches and sarcasm). Our conversations consist of what can only be described as banter. If that's not the makings of a beautiful work spouse relationship, I don't know what is.

I haven't officially asked Erika to be my spouse yet. I plan on popping the question later on today and offering her a box of printer paper, as that is the traditional offering when one is proposing to one's potential work spouse. Wish me luck!

****************************

Just as an after thought:

My horoscope today says: Your life feels as if it's slowing down, but you may wish for a return to the simplistic noise from the more complex quietness.

'The simplistic noise from the more complex quietness?'

Heh.

What does that even MEAN?

Do you know what I'd really like? I'd really like to return to the simplistic clarity from the more similar comparisons. Thanks.

So Busted!

2010-01-25T11:12:00.007-05:00

Oh HI! Thanks for stopping by!

What are you doing out there?

OMG!

Oh you are so busted.

Yes. Just more silliness with my webcam. This is what happens when I have stuff due - I procrastinate by taking goofy pictures of myself and then I share them with you because, apparently, I have no shame.

And, as a bonus: Here's my impression of Beaker from the Muppets:

Not bad, right?

Okay... off to edit my assignment, I've made enough of a fool of myself for one day.

I Heart Faces Texture Challenge

2010-01-25T10:42:00.005-05:00

So the I Heart Faces challenge this week is texture.

And since I want to play along, here's my entry:

It's au naturel because, dude, I don't even OWN photoshop. I wish I did, but I don't. So this picture is AS IS. But I think it's a pretty good entry anyway. I mean look at it, it's just FULL of blankety texture. And a cute kids with an adorable smile (if I do say so myself).

So there you go. Texture & faces.

Challenge offered, challenge met.

Belated Christmas Picture

2010-01-24T17:49:00.004-05:00

I took my camera with me when we visited family at Christmas.

But I only pulled it out of my bags once, late on Christmas eve.

Which makes me a bad blogger with no pictures to share. Except one.

But I don't care because, seriously, how cute is this?

Aw!

He's sound asleep in a Santa hat... On Christmas eve... With all his stuffed friends... And his blue blanket that his granny made for him!

This kid does cute like it's his job.

har har har

2010-01-22T17:41:00.003-05:00

Dude!

It is so weird when the phone rings...

from behind me...

and I'm sitting on the couch so that the only thing behind me is...

the couch cushions.

And I look around all like WTF?

And then I have to dig for it.

And I don't even LIKE talking on the phone.

That is seriously SO WEIRD.

Anyway.

We lost a bunch of Buddy's sweaters so we made a trip to the lost and found box at his school, which smells REALLY bad, by the way. I think something died in there.

So we looked through the lost and found and we found... wait for it!

THREE of his sweaters. THREE!

That's a lot.

Yup.

And one more thing. You guys suck at telling me why I'm a rock star (see previous post if you have no idea what I'm talking about)... but I love you anyway.

Mwah!

Quirky Says I'm a Rock Star, So It Must Be True

2010-01-22T08:42:00.006-05:00

The wonderful Quirky from Quirky is a Compliment has awarded me this:

Quirky's blog is so much fun! You should head over there right now to see what Quirky is up to. Hmmm.... Looks like today she's making a mat out of shelf liner and polished stones. Cool! Or in Quirky's words "This is the part where you ooooh and awww appreciatively. If you want to break out into spontaneous song, I'm okay with that too." Heh. Funny lady, that Quirky.

So, yes. Pay her a visit. Tell her I said hi.

According to the rules for this award I am now supposed to tell you why I am a rock star.

1. I was really tired this morning but I still got out of bed and made all my guys a healthy lunch and searched out all their hats and mittens and backpacks and work-bags and wallets and hockey-related sweaters (It's the local hockey team's theme day at school, so the boys needed their sweaters with the local hockey team's logo, or at least clothes in team colours).

2. I like to sing really loud and dance in my car. I don't care who sees me.

3. If you were here, I would buy you a coffee.

4. I have no idea what else to say.

5. This is point number five to nicely round off the list. You're welcome.

I don't know why I'm a rock star, to tell you the truth... but Quirky said I was so it must be true.

And in a shameless bid for flattery I'm going to ask you to tell me why I'm a rock star. Or tell me why I'm not a rock star if you'd rather. Talk to me people - I'm all alone and there are wolves after me.

PS "I'm all alone and there are wolves after me" is the only Simpsons' quote I will ever use on this blog, I promise. Also, I must confess that, while it's true I'm alone (singing: I'm all alone, there's nobody here besiiiide me), it is not true that there are wolves after me. In fact, there is a serious LACK of wolves here in my urban bungalow... much to my boundless delight, let me assure you.

Oh yeah! I want to pass this on to:

Erin at The Mother Load for her honesty and for having the guts to try vlogging and The Nag on the Lake for being awesome in all ways.

So, yes... Why is Melanie a rock star? or Why is Melanie NOT a rock star? Discuss. Or if you prefer discuss something else. I don't mind. Up to you.

Okay, I Admit I Need to Do Better

2010-01-20T10:21:00.002-05:00

I've been a crappy blogger these past months.

Over the summer I was so focused on writing well and telling stories. Now I just toss any old thing up here because I don't have time to go down the story telling rabbit hole and really lose myself in narrative. Or whatever, you know what I mean. Don't you?

Returning to school has taken up a lot of my focus... Writing academically takes up a lot of my will to concentrate. And I still have two little boys who rely on me. So that takes up a lot of my free time (not that I'm complaining. I love those boys).

But there's a problem. I don't want my blog to suck. And I don't want you to go away. And I want you to start commenting again (because you've definitely stopped, most of you).

I want to do better. I want to write posts that are actually worth reading and commenting on. And then when you comment, I want to return the favour by visiting your spectacular blogs and commenting in return.

So I'm going to try to be better. It's a New Years resolution, I guess.

So, there you go.

Turns Out I Don't Know Everything

2010-01-15T08:35:00.003-05:00

Buddy: Mom did you know that Marvel is better than DC?

Mom: What? I don't think that's necessarily true. Sure, we like Spiderman and the X-men, but what about Superman? What about Wonder Woman? Hey! What about the Flash? Flash is very cool.

Monkey: Yeah! Flash is super fast like ZOOOM!

Buddy: Yeah, but Sonic is faster.

Monkey: No he's not! Flash is faster.

Buddy: Sonic can run faster than a car!

Monkey: Flash too! Mommy? Who's faster, Sonic or Flash?

Mom: I'm not sure, honey. I think Flash might be faster. Do you remember that episode of the Justice League where that bad guy took over Flash's body? Do you remember how much trouble he caused and how hard it was for the Justice League to catch him?

Buddy and Monkey: Yeah!

Mom: Well, I think Flash has to hold back a lot. He can't go as fast as he can all the time because he could very easily hurt people and he doesn't want to do that because he's a good guy.

Buddy and Monkey: Yeah!

Mom: Sonic doesn't have to worry about that because he doesn't live in a pseudo-realistic world, like Flash. Flash lives in Metropolis and Sonic lives in a video game world where the laws of physics don't apply in the same way.

Buddy: What video game world?

Mom: I don't know, wherever it is that Sonic lives.

Buddy: Oh yeah! Like Mario!

Mom: Exactly like Mario.

*****************************************

Buddy: Mom, who's your favourite character on Justice League?

Mom: Hmmm. I think Batman is the most impressive because he doesn't actually have super powers, he just has physical fitness, intellect and gadgets, but he manages to keep up with and sometimes even outdo the other characters.

I wouldn't want to be Batman, though, he's too troubled. I'd rather be Flash. Flash has a lot of fun and he's also very powerful. I know that super speed doesn't sound that great on paper, but you've seen what Flash can do. I mean, he can cause tornadoes! Very cool.

I also really like Wonder Woman. She represents for the ladies. Plus I like the whole Amazonian Princess angle.

Oh and John Johns is very cool, but kind of unrelatable being a Martian n'all.

Superman is too goody-two-shoes for me.

Who's your favourite?

Buddy: Flash! He's really fast!

***************************************************

Monkey, crawling in bed with me this morning: Mom! Did you know that walruses are heavier than polar bears?

Mom: Walruses are heavier? Really? No, I didn't know that.

Monkey: You didn't know?

Mom: Nope.

Monkey: Really?

Mom: Yup.

Monkey: Dad! Dad! Mom didn't know that walruses are heavier than polar bears. I'm smarter than mom! Way smarter than mom!

***************************************************

Apparently there's a hole in my boy-related knowledge. I know all about super heroes, legos, star wars, video games... But I don't know about walruses.

Good thing I'm back in school.

My Brain is Working Not So Much

2010-01-11T16:22:00.004-05:00

This is my brain:

This is my brain on grad school:

I apparently lost the ability to string coherent sentences together over the holidays.

I have two short papers due tomorrow.

Hold me.

All About You

2010-01-08T09:06:00.006-05:00

I want to know more about you. The following 5 questions were compiled by a team of (imaginary) social psychologists - experts in the field of human behaviour. These questions were found, based on years of research, testing and social experiments, to be those most likely to allow me to understand who you are and what makes you tick.

I look forward to learning all about you.

You can answer the question in the comments here or at grab the questions for a post at your blog (because they are just that good, the social psychologists really outdid themselves)... If you take them to your blog, don't forget to leave a link to the post in the comments.

1. How often do you clean your baseboards?

2. What is on your bedside table?

3. Of the pictures and other decoraty stuff hanging on the walls in your home, describe your favourite. Why is it your favourite?

4. What song do you remember with nostalgia from when you were young? A lullaby? A song you danced to with your first boy/girlfriend? A solo you sang in choir? The first rock anthem of your teenage rebelion?

5. Do you think Jude Law is hotter with our without a mustache? See pictures below:

Without:

With:

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. I also want to thank my team of (imaginary) social psychologists - thank you boys! (why are the social psychologists in my head all men? weird)

****

Just a quick blog-related note.

I had to turn on word verification for the comments. The spam bots were out of control. I apologize to my real, non spam bot, readers. I know how annoying word verification is. I hope you'll still comment.

The Future is Now

2010-01-07T08:33:00.007-05:00

I heard on the radio this morning that scientists have invented a new jet fuel that cuts the travel time between Earth and Mars down from 7 months to 40 days.

People, welcome to the future!

Not that Mars is anyone's dream destination, mind you. It's cold and there's no air. I say that, but I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'm no scientist... I checked it out, though, and according to Wikipedia, the atmosphere on Mars only contains traces of Oxygen. There's also no water.

So yeah... if you like to be alive, Mars is not the place to be.

Plus it's not exactly scenic is it?

Image Source

In other news, airports are introducing those new scanning machines. Apparently they work very much like Superman's x-ray vision - they see through your clothes. Except they use something called T-rays, which we can only assume pity the fool who tries to smuggle explosives or other weapons onto a plane.

Image Source

The news report said that people think the T-ray scanners are too intrusive. I don't think so. As far as I'm concerned, if they mean shorter wait times at airports and a stronger guarantee of not exploding in the air, I'm all for them. Also, they have to be less intrusive than a strip search, which is their alternative. I mean, look at that image... You can see all the guy's weapons, but you can't see his junk or whether he's got cartoon characters on his underwear. What's intrusive about that?

Also, regarding the image, I can understand why he's got a knife and a couple of guns if he's up to no good, but why does he have a dildo on his shoulder? This guy is definitely suspicious.

Yes. The scanners are good. I give them a win. Install them now, I'll wait.

Letter To My Endless Headcold

2010-01-06T09:40:00.004-05:00

It's Winter, Get a Clue and Some Warm Clothes

2010-01-05T13:19:00.009-05:00

Dear woman I saw crossing the street with difficulty today,

Your puffy white jacket, which is too short to cover your lower back, and your high heeled boots do not make you look stylish or sexy; they make you look like a moron. This is not a fashion show, this is the Canadian winter. It it cold, windy, wet, snowy, slippery and muddy out there. Get yourself some winter boots, a parka, some gloves, a scarf and a hat if you have to walk around outside. You're going to get frostbite on your upper ass and those boots make you walk like an over-the-hill penguin - not a good look.

Love,

The Canadian Wintertime Outerwear Fashion Police (CWOFP - pronounced 'Kwofop'), a special Canadian branch of the International Fashion Police (IFP).

Acceptable Canadian Winter Outerwear:

Photo Source

The Blog in 2009

2010-01-03T16:47:00.005-05:00

Last year, about this time, I stole an idea from Under the Mad Hat to sum up the year by taking the first sentence from the first blog post of each month of 2008. It was fun. So much fun, in fact, that I'm going to do the same thing now for 2009.

Mad isn't blogging at Under the Mad Hat anymore, but you can still get your fill of her brilliance at her new blog about children's literature: Mouse Traps and the Moon, which I just realized I mistakenly called "Mouse Traps on the Moon" in my previous post. Oops! Sorry about that.

So, here is the year 2009 as summed up by the opening sentences of each month - proving 2009's yearness and my frivolity all in one fell swoop. Enjoy!

January: Last night I was just drifting off to sleep when the screaming started.

February: So far this week: - stomach flu - ear infections - fever - missing school - missing work - absence from blogs - painful stepping upon of legos - a visit to the doctor - and just now? I was fixing some Campbell's soup and it splattered into my eye.

March: I just got an email telling me I've been accepted to the Masters of Information Studies program at U of T for next year.

April: Hi there.

May: Recess at school, I was playing alone on the swing set.

June: I took the kids to soccer in the rain yesterday.

July: Happy Canada Day!

August: Just so I can draw your attention to it: Check out my blog.

September: On the morning I managed to take control of my panic attacks Hubby and I were waiting in a hallway outside of the administrative offices of the Toronto college where I was studying Travel and Tourism, waiting to hand in my student loan and pay my tuition.

October: I'm supposed to be working on my research paper.

November: I just ate a bowl of cereal.

December: This week's I Heart Faces photo challenge is "I Heart Tooshies" - photos taken from behind the subject.

And what have we learned from this exercise?

That I need to work on my opening lines. April's is especially brilliant, don't you think? And don't overlook November's. Yeesh. How embarrassing.

And since that isn't embarrassing enough, here's the last picture taken of me in 2009. This lovely ode to the holidays was snapped by my dad as I started gathering and organizing our stuff in my parents' dining room so that I could pack our bags before hitting the road to make the 12 hour drive back home.

Fa la lalala la la la laaaa

Aaaaand moving on... Nothing to see here...

Happy New Year to you all! I wish you a stellar 2010 - may the sun always shine and if it doesn't, may it only rain nice things, like ice cream and puppy dogs. Kisses!

And the Winner of the Canadian Blog Awards Family Category is...

2009-12-21T16:45:00.004-05:00

Not me.

But, dude, did you see who I was up against?

I'm happy just to have made the top 10. Thanks so much to everyone who voted, I can't tell you how much I value your support.

You can see all the results, an impressive list of fabulous blogs, at the Canadian Blog Awards website.

I came 7th. The winners in my category were:

1. Loulou’s Views
2. Postcards from the Mothership
3. Crib Chronicles

A heartfelt congratulations to them all, especially my girl Loukia from Loulou's Views, sitting proudly in first place. Way to go! I knew you were going to win.

The blogs I nominated did very well in their categories, too (giving me a great big fat WIN in the 'I have good taste' category):

Beck from Frog and Toad are Still Friends came in 1st place in the Blog Post Series category with her Halloween Posts. Congratulations, Beck! I also nominated Beck in my own category, family blogs, where she came in 6th. The fact that Beck came in 6th just goes to show how steep the competition was in the family category this year. I didn't nominate Beck in the humour category, but I voted for her everyday. She came in third. Kudos, Beck!

Nag on the Lake came 3rd in the Popular Culture category. Yay, Nag! I think you deserved to be 1st, though.

Mouse Traps on the Moon came 4th in the Culture & Literature category - a good showing for such a new blog. Congrats, Sue!

Congratulations to all the winners.

Keep blogging Canada!

Last Day To Vote!

2009-12-18T08:34:00.004-05:00

It's the last day... Can you believe it?

Please vote for me!

Thank you all for your support!

Hugs and kisses and a happy holidays to you!

Fabulous in My Ridiculousness

2009-12-15T09:49:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was the 1st day in four months that I didn't have school work to take care of.

So what did I spend my time doing?

Naturally, I played with the paint program on my computer to make these:

This one I did for my Facebook profile. I was tired of ordinary.

This one I did just because. Isn't it fabulous in its cheesiness?

Then I read my book in a steaming bubble bath.

It was wonderful.

Happy Holidays everyone! I'm in the mood for some Christmas.

(oh and pssst... don't forget to vote for my blog. Just click the beaver button on my sidebar. Thanks!)

I Heart Faces - Pets

2009-12-14T12:41:00.005-05:00

Last summer we visited a park where the kids were able to feed local wildlife out of the windows of our car. They fed carrots to wild pigs and large deer and bison.

Halfway through the park there was a walking trail. The white-tail deer that populated the trail area were so tame and used to people that the boys were able to get close enough to make friends. The kids still talk about it.

Buddy called this deer 'Bucky', and Bucky is my entry for this week's I Heart Faces photo challenge - "Pets Only".

Beaver Button!

2009-12-14T08:58:00.001-05:00

Hey!

Check out what came out today:

Yay!

PS: Just click on the button to vote.

PPS: I'm dying to make a beaver joke, but I don't want to offend anyone.

PPPS: Beaver.

PPPPS: snicker.

Even More Than Last Time I Brought This Up

2009-12-13T11:03:00.003-05:00

Last year my blog was nominated for a Canadian Blog Award but it didn't make the finals.

Oh well, I told myself, I was up against some real blog rock stars.

This year?

Thanks to YOUR votes, I have made the 2nd round of voting... The short list of 10 blogs out of which the 1st, 2nd and 3rd place Family Blog in Canada will be chosen.

I need your votes more than ever because this year, just like last year, I am up against some real blog rock stars.

Will you once again put on your fabulous voting shoes and give me your vote?

Remember, this year you can vote once per day and you can rank all the blogs who are in the running according to who you support.

Thank again for voting. Hearts, flowers and sunshine to you all.

Mwah!

Ask The Reluctant Housewife - Favourites and Dreams Edition

2009-12-07T08:27:00.013-05:00

My family just left for school and work, or where ever it is they go everyday, washed, fed, dressed with lunches and mits and hats and waterproof outer layers.

Whew! That was a lot of work.

Now I'm going to take the time to answer the rest of your questions from Ask The Reluctant Housewife. It's been so long, you probably forgot what you asked so it'll be a fun surprise for everyone. Whee!

Elaine from The Miss Elaineous Life wanted to know:

What celebrity would you LOVE to do lunch with?

TJ Thyne. I have a huge crush on him. It's nearing fan girl status.

For that reason, I'm not sure my husband would be 100% happy about me having lunch with TJ Thyne. So maybe I should choose someone else, out of respect for the sanctity of my marriage.

I think that lunch with Margaret Atwood might be fun. Have you ever heard her interviewed? She's so witty and intelligent and she's such a character, I think she'd make an excellent lunch date.

I also think lunch with Rick Mercer might be fun, I'm a fan.

Stephen Colbert and John Stewart. I like funny people and they are funny people.

I'd also like to have lunch with you. When are you free?

Loukia from LouLou's Views, who is also nominated for a Canadian Blog Award in the Family Category (go and vote for her and, while you're over there, don't forget to vote for me! Yes you can place a vote for both of us. Yay!), wanted to know:

Where is your favourite place to shop?

I have fairly pedestrian tastes when it comes to shopping. For clothes I shop at Old Navy, The Gap, Banana Republic (rarely), Winners and (don't judge, we don't have Target here) Walmart. For house stuff, I shop at Ikea, a really great storage stuff store called Solutions, Sears, and (don't judge me) Walmart. For food, I shop at Loblaws, Superstore, Independent, T&T, The Produce Depot and (every so often) a fancy bakery or the farmer's market.

They're all my favourites... I just like to shop.

What is currently your favourite song?

I have such a hard time choosing a favourite song. Lately I've been listening to the songs from Glee on YouTube while I clean. They're a lot of fun. I wouldn't say they're my favourite songs, though. Hmmm... I don't have a favourite song. Feels like a cop-out, but it's the truth.

What was your favourite childhood movie?

This one is easy. My favourite childhood movie was and is The Goonies.

Erin from The Mother Load, who just had a fab blog make over (go and check it out), asked:

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

I would do exactly what I'm doing right now, except without the constant worry of failure. That would make my life easier, let me tell you.

Have you ever had anyone post any not-so-nice comments and/or had to block anyone from your blog? I've always wondered what to do if/when that happens.

Yes, I had a blog smack down with the folks from Ask and Ye Shall Receive. What did I do? I fought back in a way - I talked to them calmly until they put down their pitchforks and torches and went home. I'm no push over. You can read what happened in the comments on my post My Blog is Boring and on two of the posts following it, if you're so inclined.

I've never had to block anyone, no. People are usually very nice in the comments and my blog is pretty dull, really, there's nothing here to incite strong negative feelings. People who don't like it just don't read it, I guess.

And if you had an extra $5,000 lying around, what would you do with it?

An extra $5000? I guess I'd put it towards student loans. See what I mean? - boring! heh

Working Mum from Working Mum on the Verge asked:

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Nothing very different. I'd probably buy a little house in the same neighbourhood I'm renting in now. I'd renovate it, too. I'd also do some travelling - we'd take that walking vacation in England, we'd probably take the kids to Disney, we'd go home to see the family more often. I'd give some to charity. I'd give some to loved ones. I'd invest it wisely. That's about it.

Jen from Buried With Children wanted to know:

Who would you like to have over for dinner?

Having people over to your house for dinner is quite different from having a lunch date with them, isn't it? I'm not much of a cook, to tell you the truth, but I guess I'd like to have some of the friends I've made blogging, but who I have yet to meet in person, over to dinner and get to know them face to face. Don't worry, ladies, I'll order take-out!

What would be your last meal?

Oooh, fun question! Hmm... Coffee, cheesecake, cheeseburger with tomato, lettuce, pickles, ketchup and mustard and fresh-cut french fries, Ben & Jerry's, more coffee. In that order.

Would you run naked during a packed baseball game for $1000?

I want to say yes and prove that I like to live dangerously, but the truth is I probably wouldn't.

Mamma Karebear from The Ramblings of a Crazy Mom asked:

What is one of your biggest fears dun dun dunnnn?

Of course one of my biggest fears is my kids getting hurt. Of course.

Personally, though, I have a lot of anxiety, especially social anxiety. I'm basically afraid of people. I worry a lot and I'm scared to do a lot of things, but I make myself do them anyway.

Andrea from Good Girl Gone Redneck wants to know:

What is your favorite book?

This is another really hard question! I don't have a favourite book. I have a giant pile of books I reread and reread and then, just for fun, I read them again. I have some favourite authors, though, I'll list them for you, okay? They are: Jane Austen, Bill Bryson, Jen Lancaster, Anne Tyler, Sophie Kinsella, Margarent Lawrence, JK Rowling, and that's all I can think of right now, off the top of my head.

As an added bonus, I read a couple of really great books this weekend that I think you (yes all of you) would like:

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows is a fictional tale set in the British Channel Islands and London, post WWII. It tells the story of the an author named Juliet Ashton and her friendship with a group of people on Guernsey, one of the Channel Islands, which develops almost by accident after she receives a letter from one of them about a copy of a book he loves that she used to own - her name is written on the inside cover. It's a beautiful story with wonderful characters.

Hell Is Other Parents: And Other Tales of Maternal Combustion by Deborah Copaken Kogan is a memoir. Deborah Copaken Kogan is just so cool. She used to be a war photographer, now she's a mom of three living in NYC. She tells of her relationship with her three kids (supporting her son, the actor (he played the young Spock in the Star Trek movie), dealing with her daughter's social struggles at school and having a baby years after her first two kids) and of her struggles dealing with other parents. I enjoyed it so much, I can't wait to read her other books.

Both delightful reads. Check them out and let me know if you enjoyed them as much as I did.

Ami from Writing: My Life asked:

What is your favorite childhood memory?

My parents used to take us camping every summer. The campground had a playground where my brother and I would spend our days. I can remember looking for four leaf clovers, going to the beach, and walking up to the store for popsicles.

One year my parents decided, as a special treat, to take us to the local drive-in, which was showing Cinderella. My brother and I dressed in our pajamas and climbed in the back seat of our station wagon with our pillows and blankets and a bag of snacks. Twenty minutes later, we pulled up to the drive-in ticket booth. The man in the booth took Dad's money, gave us an odd look out of the corner of his eye, shrugged his shoulders and waved us through. We parked at one of the speakers and my parents looked around. They had a quick whispered conversation in the front seat and told us we were leaving. My brother and I cried the whole way back to the campground, we were so disappointed not to watch the movie, but my parents promised they'd take us another time.

I didn't know at the time why we had to leave the drive-in before the movie started, but my parents told me years later that the movie hadn't been Cinderella, like they thought. No, it was in fact Sinderella. My parent figured that the theatre had merely misspelled the name of the movie, but when they pulled up to their spot in front of the screen they noticed that the other cars all contained, instead of families looking forward to an innocent Disney classic, lone men sitting and staring straight ahead so as not to have to make eye contact with the other movie-goers. My parents wisely decided that it would be best to do the drive-in thing another time.

Two questions naturally arise from this story: What kind of drive-in theatre shows porn? and, perhaps more importantly, what was the man in the ticket booth thinking allowing a young family into a porn movie with their two small children?!

Happily, that drive-in closed down shortly afterward, because... EW! And my parents did eventually take us to a different drive-in theatre. I can't remember what we saw (maybe E.T?) but I remember how much fun it was to sit in the back of the station wagon, munching popcorn and watching the movie on the gigantic screen.

What is your favorite TV show and why?

I think I'd have to say my favourite TV show, that is on TV currently, is Bones. I like the interaction between the characters and the witty dialogue. Also, have I mentioned my huge crush on TJ Thyne?

He plays Dr. Jack Hodgins, the bug and slime guy (which, in science-speak and according to Wikipedia, means he's a forensic entomologist and a mineralogist/forensic mineralogist AND a forensic palynologist AND a forensic chemist), on Bones.

But my favourite TV show of all time would probably be Buffy... for pretty much the same reasons - witty dialogue and great interaction between the characters. Plus, the vampires don't sparkle, which to my mind is a huge bonus.

If you could be someone else for a day who would you be and why?

I'm no fun at this because I don't really want to be anyone else. I like being me. If you were to make me choose, though, I guess I'd have to choose to be someone who's life I'm curious about. Like, what was it like to live in the year 1000? I bet it was horrible, but I really have no idea. I could be someone from the year 1000 for a day and find out. Or, what's it like to be a guy? How do they walk around with all that hanging between their legs? I could be a guy for day and find out. Or, what does my husband see in me? I could be him for a day and find out. Am I good mom? I could be my son for a day and find out... Something like that.

And on that note, it looks like I'm plum out of questions. Thanks so much for asking and for reading the answers. I had so much fun doing this.

Hugs to everyone who asked and hugs to everyone else, too. Why not, right?

Sunday Stealing - Can't Sleep

2009-12-06T10:18:00.004-05:00

Have I ever told you I have a weakness for these question and answer things? I think it must stem from my now defunct teenage love of Cosmo quizzes. I say 'defunct' but I have been known to hit the Facebook quizzes pretty hard from time to time, so perhaps my teenage love of quizzes is alive and well.

Anyway.... On with the Sunday Stealing questionnaire thingy: The Can't Sleep Meme.

Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

No. It would be easy. All I'd have to do is turn to the left and pucker up.

When is it hard to kiss someone?

When they're far away, when they run away, or when they have very bad breath.

You're trapped in a room with your most recent ex for three days, what do you do?

Scrabble, definitely. Scrabble is always the right answer.

Does it matter to you if your significant other smokes?

Yes. That would be gross.

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?

I've grown apart from some old friends. I sometimes regret letting them go.

Where would you go if you were butt naked and locked out of your house?

Why would I be butt naked and locked out my house? I can't even imagine.

Okay, assuming I had just stepped out of the shower and realized the house was on fire - that it was engulfed in flames - and I had to run outside right away without even the time to grab a towel... I guess I'd go to my car. If I was likewise locked out of my car, I guess I'd have to go to a neighbour's house and ask for help.

Awkward!

Me: "Hi! Sorry I'm naked. My house is engulfed in flames and I had to run outside without even the time to grab a towel. I'm sure you understand. Can I come in, borrow some clothes and call the fire department? Thanks!"

Neighbour: "Um... I guess so. I was just about to watch Oprah, though."

Do you want to please everyone?

Yes. I want to please myself, too, though. It pays to be a little bit selfish.

Have you ever been called heartless?

Nope.

Someone calls you at 3:00 AM, who do you expect it to be?

I would be terrified. I wouldn't expect anyone to call at 3:00AM and I would assume something bad had happened.

Does it matter if your significant other drinks?

Not really.

Could you go the rest of your life without doing drugs?

If you're counting coffee and advil as drugs, then NO.

Which is better, amazing eyes or an amazing smile?

Hmmm... Eyes, I guess. I'm kind of sucker for nice eyes.

Do you want to get married and have children one day?

Nah.

Are you easy to get along with?

Usually. At least I like to think so... Let me ask the husband. He said, "Yep."

Do you ever want to go to sleep and not wake up?

Rarely. Sometimes I don't want to wake up but that's because I want to sleep, not because I want to die.

Are you shorter than your Mom?

No... my mom is pocket sized.

Describe your life currently in one word:

AWESOME

Are you on medication for anything?

No. Medication and I don't mix well. I was on the pill but it gave me terrible migraines, so now I'm on nothing. Except coffee - I hit the coffee daily.

Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?

Anyone. Have you seen my blog?

Are there things in your life that you will never be able to get over?

Of course. Nothing out of the ordinary, though. I've lived a wonderful life so far. I'm very lucky.

If you woke up naked next to the last person you kissed, what would your reaction be?

Where are my pajamas?! (You see, I have a great fondness for my flannel pajama pants).

If you play along, don't forget to link up to the Sunday Stealing Blog!

It's All Up To You

2009-12-04T22:56:00.002-05:00

So... word on the street is that you can vote at the Canadian Blog Awards once per day.

I have a deep seated fear of rejection... so I'm almost afraid to ask (again), but will you vote for me? I'm nominated in the family category. You see, I need all the help I can get, I'm up against some awesome bloggers. So, please, if you luuuurve me... go and vote.

And while you're over there you can vote for the Nag on the Lake. She's nominated in the Popular Culture category. Her blog is a wonderful collection of fascinating stuff from all over the internet.

Ladies, Put Your Voting Shoes On!

2009-12-04T17:22:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again - voting is open for the Canadian Blog awards!

I've been nominated in the Family category.

I usually don't like to ask people to do things for me. I feel sheepish, you see.

But I'm going to anyway...

Last year, I didn't even make it to the finals. This year, even though I'm up against some really awesome (not to mention popular) blogs, I'd really like to at least make it past the first round of voting...

Will you help me?

To make it to the finals, I need your vote (and the vote of everyone else you know and all their friends, too).

Will you vote for me?

Please?

And after you vote for me, will you spread the word? I'll send you giant pink fluffy blog hugs if you do.

Are you ready? Do you have your voting shoes on?

vote vote vote

I heart Faces Photo Challenge - Tooshies

2009-12-01T03:00:00.000-05:00

This week's I Heart Faces photo challenge is "I Heart Tooshies" - photos taken from behind the subject.

I want to share a picture of my boys exploring together for this challenge.

I have tons of pictures of the boys rushing ahead to explore. The one I'm entering in the challenge is a recent picture, from a walk in the woods we took in October. I think it looks like they're heading off into an enchanted, fairy tale forest. I hope they don't eat any ginger bread houses!

Sunday Stealing Meme - 1st timer

2009-11-30T19:25:00.003-05:00

I'm a day late, but I've decided to play along with Sunday Stealing this week. If you'd like to play along, too, visit the Sunday Stealing Blog.

1. When is your birthday? In the Spring. I'm a Gemini, although one of my friends who knows about these things tells me I have a lot of Taurus in me.

2. Where were you born? On the east coast of Canada. In the town my parents grew up in. In the same hospital they were born in.

3. Where do you live now? In Ontario... no where near the ocean.

4. What is your heritage? Canadian. I have English, Dutch, and French in my background... and rumors of some Eastern European, Jewish and Native American heritage, too (unconfirmed because all branches of my family tree have been in Canada for so long).

5. Tell us about a weakness. I have a weakness for chocolate. I have a weakness for ruggedly handsome men on TV (I know they're ruggedly handsome because of the comments on 'An Extremely Frivolous Post'). I have a weakness for anything that makes me laugh.

6. What's a goal that you'd like to achieve? I'd like to finish my MIS and get a job in my field. I'd like to stop worrying so much about what people think of me. I'd like to have more close friends. I'd like to have more fun. I'd like to feel accomplished.

7. What is the most overused internet phrase? OMG! Fail! Lol! and First! I must point out, though, that I enjoy internet speak and I'm fluent in it.

8. What was your first thought this morning? What do I have to do today? Oh crap, I have TOO much to do today!

9. When do you usually go to bed? 11-ish

10. Do you smoke? If not, did you ever? No and no. I never have. My parents smoked when I was a kid so I was a second-hand smoker.

11. Do you like your current relationship status? Married... in year 12 of my marriage, actually. 2 kids. No pets. I'm learning to like myself.

12. Do you (or did you) get along with your parents? Yes. My parents are fun. They like to joke around and visit water parks, among other things.

13. How often do you drink alcohol? Not often at all. Probably 4-5 times/year. I love martinis.

14. Have you ever tried drugs (that weren't prescribed)? Nope. I'm very straight-laced and dull that way.

15. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? If yes, do tell. Yes. When I was in high school, we used to skinny dip off of my friend's little fishing boat, the Jaunty Carl.

16. If given the choice, how would you like to die? Bravely with all my goodbyes said and all my loose ends tied up.

17. What did you want to be when you grew up? A stand-up comedian.

18. Have you ever been dumped? No. I've pretty much been with the same guy since I was old enough to be interested in guys.

19. What's on your pizza? Chicken, sun-dried tomatoes, roasted garlic and mushrooms. Multigrain crust.

20. Have you ever shoplifted? Yes, when I was a kid I did a few times... nothing big - just some life savers candy and a chocolate bar a few times. I wish I hadn't. I didn't understand the implications of my actions at the time.

A Whole New Low

2009-11-26T08:32:00.012-05:00

I've suffered another spam bot attack. This time, though, it's personal - for you.

How is it personal for you? Allow me to explain...

This time the spambot has a name. Her name is Nishant.

I had three comments from Nishant this morning. The comments included a link to something called "Work From Home India". I didn't really appreciate the link, but she also included a comment on my content, so I figured I'd let the link slide.

As I read the second and third of Nishant's comments, though, I realized they seemed oddly familiar, like I'd read them somewhere before.

Yes. Nishant had stolen parts of other people's comments and reposted them as her own, complete with a link to her business (or whatever).

It reminds me of those movies - you know the ones - technology has become self-aware and is now plotting to take down the human race. Yeah. Those movies.

I would call Nishant an evil genius, except for one thing:

If Nishant had pulled this stunt on just one post, I might not have noticed... but three comments identical to the comments left by other people? Does Nishant think I'm stupid? Does Nishant think I'm lying about reading my blog comments?

Nishant, honey, go look 'overkill' up in the dictionary. You can thank me later.

I'm deleting Nishant from my comments, but for posterity and proof I want to share them with you (minus the active link of course).

On my Comments Policy post:

Nishant said...

The rest of us just chop liva!

Work from home India

Does that look familiar to anyone? How about you, Daffy? Seen that before?

Daffy's comment on the same post:

Daffy said...

Come on! Who doesn't want a semi-nude pic of moi?!? I mean, really....

What I really want to know is why YOU get all the nude pics? The rest of us just chop liva!

Just stopping by to say HI!

Yes... Daffy is one funny lady and that chop liva thing makes much more sense in context, doesn't it?

On my Worst Gift Idea Ever post:

Nishant said...

I can't believe this is 4 realz. What are people thinking?

Work from home India

It's word for word from Erin's comment on the same post:

Erin M. said...

yes---it's a FAIL!
I can't believe this is 4 realz. What are people thinking?

Erin, if you were surprised by the time-out stool, what do you think of the cajones on this spambot?

On my This is Going to Make Me Paranoid post:

Nishant said...

The spambots like you. It's nice that you have friends

Work from home India

Which was stolen from a comment by Cairo Typ0 on the same post:

Cairo Typ0 said...

The spambots like you. It's nice that you have friends. :p

Yes, indeed. The spambots seem to like me. I think that the spambots like me a little bit too much...

So, Daffy, Erin and Cairo Typ0, how do you feel about the spambots stealing your words as part of their nefarious plot for world domination?

This is Going to Make Me Paranoid

2009-11-25T10:53:00.006-05:00

Since I published my comments policy and notice, I've had roughly 700 anonymous comments advertising everything from sex toys to dishwashers.

I must have angered the annoying ad robots.

I think they're out to get me *looks around nervously*... They could be watching me RIGHT NOW.

In other, happier, news - my dishwasher is fixed. Yay!

What's new with you?

Edited to add: No I didn't actually have 700 comments... I'm exaggerating. I'm really, really exaggerating. It was closer to 6 or 7... which, to be fair, did feel like a lot all at once. Sorry if I mislead anyone with my tendency to hyperbolize.

Comments Policy

2009-11-20T09:16:00.004-05:00

I've been getting some weird comments lately. They seem to be from some kind of robot that looks for posts about a certain subjects (for example, Christmas gifts or music) and posts comments with links to online stores or, in many cases lately, semi-nude profile picture pages. I delete these comments. Right away, without prejudice.

I've put together a needlessly long-winded comments notice to explain what type of comments will be deleted immediately and what type will stay. You'll find the notice below my quickly thrown together comments policy (which I put together so that I could link to this on my sidebar and call the link 'comments policy').

Comments Policy:

I love comments! I read every single one of them with great enjoyment. I often try to reply through email, which is why 'no-reply' bloggers frustrate me so much (please link an email address to your profile, if you don't want to use your regular one then create one in gmail or yahoomail or even hotmail (if you want to go old school) with your blog name and link that one). I try to visit the blogs of people who comment here and leave a comment on their most recent post. Sometimes, though, I don't get that done. Sorry.

But I do read, enjoy, appreciate and love your comments. So thank you and keep 'em comin'!

Comments Notice:

The following types of comments will be removed from my blog as soon as I become aware of them:

- comments selling weird stuff or almost any stuff, unless it's really cool stuff
- comments with links to your online semi-nude photo (seriously, people, wtf?)
- links to your online store, or your ebay or craigslist ad, or whatever
- anonymous comments slamming other commenters
- hateful ignorance
- comments I can't read because they're in another language & so I have no idea what they're saying, but when I put them into babblefish come out with something very odd like "Sister Moonfish likes dragon egg sandwiches". FYI: I read English and French and a bit of Spanish and German. Comments in those languages will be well-received.

The following comments will stay put:
- thoughtful comments on my content
- funny comments
- friendly comments
- lame comments that just say "Hi! Just stopping by!" and nothing else, even though they're lame. (I mean, come on! Did you even read the post?)
- criticism of me in any form, unless it's REALLY offensive. I reserve the right to reply, defend myself, ignore and/or make endless fun of them, though... especially if they're anonymous.
- anything else that doesn't fit into the above "will be deleted" categories (unless I don't like it).

Thank you again for your comments. Love ya all (except the robots and trolls).

heh. robots and trolls. ain't the internet grand?

Worst Gift Idea Ever

2009-11-13T07:53:00.007-05:00

Yeah. Thanks for the suggestion, but a time out stool is a terrible Christmas gift.

"Here ya go, Sonny! Now you can be punished in STYLE! Whoo hoo!"

And "cherished forever"?

Really?

Surely you're joking.

On second thought, maybe this IS a good idea. I'll get my boys each a time out stool, a toilet brush and broom and some lumps of coal for their stockings.

Christmas shopping done!

Grade 9 Class Trip Journal

2009-11-11T08:51:00.003-05:00

Anyway, I lost my other pad. So I'll use this one. When I arrived they gave us all a folder of suveneers and this was in it.

I like this guy and He's really nice and he's got the same sense of humor as me. He's from Stanton and last night he asked me to slow dance and I said "Yes" and he said "really" so I don't know but I'd be neat if he liked me too we could probably go out.

O.K. here's what I've done since I've been here. The first day was wednesday night. We had a party at municipal building upstairs. It was fun the people from Ethelville losed up all the tight-assed people from Stanton. The next day, thursday, we had a tour of Ethelville and then we went to visite the mair of Wellsborough. The mair of Wellsborough is also the president of Chedabucto. Then we went "Sampson pulp mill." and they took up in this little room with no windows where I felt down-right closed-in Then we went to the museum. By this time everybody was starving but we weren't eating for another 2 hours Then we crossed over into the U.S. and drove down to "fort something-or-another" and crossed bach over into the great, terrific, better than alote of other places, Canada. and ate lunch in a school somewhere in the middle of no where. Then we drove around and crossed into Quebec for five minutes and then we went to visite this fat old guy that talked alote about nothing. Then we went home. Then there was a party at Shyannne's house, thats where I started to like the guy I like, but only after Stacey Strong poured her coke over his head.

The next day was Friday, of coarce, we spent the day at school then we went home then we went to the "Gold Bar" a night club fore teen. I hated it. We got home at about 11:30. The next day was the best day of all. We went to "the red roof" a maple cyrop clube. It had a bar and they sold us beer. I'm not kidding they sold us nom-alchoholic beer. Big deal. Then we went to a zoo. They had wart hogs and a majestic elk and wolves. My new buddy, Samantha or Sam, loves wolves. I had to practicly drag her away and I din't want to lave myself. They had other neat animals but they were my favorites and then we went home and then to the banquet then to Roger's party then to Gold, I still hate Gold. And then at 12:30 home.

Now it's today there are two parties today.

The first partie wasn't very good. The partie that night was fun. I have alote of new friends from Stanton; they are: Samantha, Tim, and Laney, Bridget and Belle and more. Monday was great. We went skiing and then that night we had the last two parties. The guy I liked and I are friends now The first partie every body ran around getting everyone's signature at the end I read the mesages an nime and I started crying. About half of us were crying at the second partie. Stacey ran around throwing cleanex at everyone and Melissa ran around telling everyone to stop crying This morning we had a teary goodbye. Were never going to see theme again. Samantha sais she's going to have a beach partie at her camp and that were supposed to invite our twins. but I don't think alot of theme will come. We were in the paper an article called "Exchange changes students attitudes."

Ask The Reluctant Housewife - Parenting Edition

2009-11-05T10:14:00.011-05:00

Here I sit, alone.

I am awaiting the arrival of my group project fellows. A meeting was foretold for this time and place.

But, alas! alack! I am the only one here. Alone...

But take heart! Let not my solitude be a cause of sorrow. Forsooth, it shall give me time to blog my answers to your questions about parenting:

Kimberly of Conservative Granola Mommies wants to know: I have two boys, too. They are 3 and 7 months. PLEASE tell me that it gets better as they get older and that they start to amuse themselves, safely, and don't need to be attached to me 24/7.

This is my favourite question. I have been where Kimberly is right now. You'll be happy to hear, Kimberly, that the answer to your question is yes. It does get easier. It gets much, much easier.

My boys can now do most things for themselves - they can get themselves dressed, they can amuse themselves, they can brush their own teeth, they can wash their own faces, they can clean themselves in the bath (my older boy takes showers now), they can wipe their own bums (this is huge! The only poop I deal with now is my own), they can put themselves to bed, and they sleep through the night.

I still supervise bedtime and read to them, tuck them in and give them kisses. I still make all their meals and snacks. I still need to hurry them along before school. And, of course, love them and play with them and talk to them and listen.

But it's all much easier than it was when they were 3 and 7 months. No contest.

For one thing, I can reason with them. I can explain why they can't do something, or why they can't have something and their usual response is, "Oh. Okay." Not "Waaaaaaaahn! Blaaaaaah! Snorfle! Scream!" stomp stomp stomp, kick, throw stuff; like it was when they were younger.

Monkey in particular threw terrible tantrums when he was two and three. Awful, brain bending, fear inducing, blood curdling tantrums. He never does that now. Now is so much better. So. Much.

And I get to sleep. Actually sleep... Most nights.

Parenting is never easy, but it's definitely easier right now. I'm told it will get harder again. They'll start to grow attitude problems and they'll discover girls and there will be peer pressure and decisions and worry and puberty and HORMONES.

But right now I have no complaints.

Mama Karebare of The Ramblings of a Crazy Mom asked: What's one of your embarrassing moments as a parent?

Luckily, as a mother to two boys, I don't embarrass all that easily. I don't have very many embarrassing moments to share. When they do happen, though, I blog about them. I'll link to a few and you can decide if you want to read more.

Buddy once peed and pooped in a McDonald's playplace, that was pretty bad.
I'm painfully awkward at parent-teacher meetings. That can certainly lead to embarrassment.
Buddy once finished his entire (large) lunch early and had to go to the office at school to ask for a snack. I found that very embarrassing.

Yeah. I think that about covers it.

Mama-Face of Blog Ignoramus asked: Why is being a Mom both the best thing ever and the worst thing ever?

Being a mom is the best thing ever because of these guys:

Seriously, these are some great kids. I'm very lucky.

One of the worst parts of being a mom is the self-doubt and guilt. Am I doing a good enough job? Am I the mother these kids deserve? Am I doing this right? Am I screwing them up? When something goes wrong, I always blame myself. I know that all I can do is love them and try to do the best I can but I still constantly question if it's enough.

Another difficult thing about being a mom is the isolation and the loss of self. It's very isolating. Everyone else is at work and you're stuck at home, completely tied up in taking care of small, demanding people. You don't get to see other adults very often and when you do, they're often other parents and there's no guarantee you'll have anything in common with them. It can be very lonely. It's also easy to lose a sense of yourself. When you spend all your time tied up in caring for the needs and desires of someone else, you lose sight of your own. You forget who you are, outside of being a mom. The feeling of self-loss was, in large part, what gave me the push to start blogging again.

And now let's hear a bit about you - what do you think are the best and worst parts of being a parent? (Even if you're not a parent - what do you imagine the ups and downs might be?)

If you've got a question you want me to answer, just put it in the comments.

Coming soon - Ask The Reluctant Housewife - Favourites and Dreams Edition.

Geek girl out!

10 Reasons I'm a Geek

2009-11-04T08:08:00.008-05:00

Are you a geek?

Me? I am definitely a geek. I've compiled 10 fun facts that prove it.

If you find yourself nodding your head in recognition of any of the following, you just might be a geek, too.

1. I know the words to many of Monty Python's songs, especially the naughty ones.

Short list of songs I can belt out with style, on demand: Sit on my face, Isn't it frightfully good to have a penis?, Philosopher's drinking song, The meaning of life, I've got two legs, I like traffic lights, Every sperm is sacred, Camelot, The lumberjack song... And the list goes on.

2. I've been learning how to catalog books. I've been struggling with it because, really, what is the point of all these details and rules (I don't like rules)? Then last night we learned how to code them into a database.

Sweet!

When you put code around the information, all questions fall away - we need all the details and rules so that the information can be read by a computer.

That I get.

And it's fun to write code.

I also really enjoy HTML.

3. I read a disgusting number of lolz blogs. I know they're a waste of my time, but I can't resist them, especially when they're a WIN and they really bring the lolz.

I mean, come on, where else are you going to find stuff like this:

Yes. That is a man sharing a motorbike with a cow.

Short list of lolz I read: i can haz cheeseburger, i has a hotdog, roflrazzi, fail blog, engrish funny, pundit kitchen, up next in sports, people of walmart, my first fail, this is why you're fat, photo bomb, and there, i fixed it.

They're quick and they make me laugh... They're like the mini chocolate bars of the internet - they always taste like more.

4. I like video games.

5. I like comic books.

6. I have been known, although it is rare and always coincides with a re-reading of the books, to read Harry Potter fan fic. Not the naughty stuff, but the 'the story continues' stuff. I recommend this story.

7. I read the books I love (Harry Potter, Jane Austen, Jen Lancaster, Shopaholic, Bill Bryson, Margaret Lawrence, etc...) over and over (and over) again.

8. I am oblivious to office politics. I am also oblivious to certain social cues and painfully over-sensitive to others.

9. When I'm interested in something, I obsessively find out everything I can about it.

10. I have a blog.

Let Me Just Say That It's Just Raining Awesome Over Here

2009-11-03T10:45:00.002-05:00

I just ate a bowl of cereal.

I'm still hungry.

My kids are home sick. Both of them. They had fevers. Buddy had a fever of 102 Sunday morning. He was pretty sick all day Sunday. He had a 'slightly elevated temperature' (99-100) all day yesterday. He's fine today... but he's home because, well, just because. Because I want to make sure he's well before I send him back out to the flu front lines.

Monkey woke up at 3am last night with a temperature of 101.4. He doesn't seem to have a temperature today at all.

They both have coughs. Loss of appetite.

There are cases of H1N1 in their school, kids are out of school, some have had to be hospitalized. The CBC says that if you have cough and fever, you probably have H1N1 because there's nothing else going around in the community right now causing those symptoms. Buddy's best friend had H1N1. Buddy was definitely exposed. Monkey was definitely exposed. If this is H1N1, though, it seems to be a very mild case of it.

Not sure what to think.

Anyway. They're home sick, but they're not too sick right now. They're doing okay. But they're still sick.

I hate it when they're sick.

Also? I have a pimple on my chin.

I hate that, too.

But, back to my original question: I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast, but I'm still hungry.

What am I supposed to do with that? Huh?

Anyway...

I'm thinking I shouldn't publish this because it sucks... but I'm zombie tired today and lacking emails to read. Leave me a comment, will you? I'll visit your blog and leave you one in return.

Thanks!

Ask the Reluctant Housewife - Travel Edition

2009-10-29T19:51:00.004-04:00

Hello there!

I had a message from the always hilarious, clever and fabulous Daffy, who writes the blog Batcrap Crazy, today asking if I'd posted here recently. Daffy wasn't asking to nag me about my lax posting schedule, or to point out my faults (she was asking because she was worried her RSS reader wasn't working - Huh. If there's nothing new on Daffy's reader, I must not be the only bloggess neglecting to update her blog) but it still gave me a nudge. Thanks Daffy!

So let's jump right in, shall we?

Elaine from The Miss Elaine-ous Life (who has two boys and a brand new baby girl) and Jen from Buried With Children (who has triplets, plus a big brother to keep them company) took the time out of their obviously very busy schedules to ask where I'd like to travel if I could go anywhere.

I like to think of myself as adventurous, spontaneous and well-travelled, but the reality is that I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to travel. Exotic destinations kind of scare me - I worry about strange diseases, contaminated food and (this is the big one) enormous poisonous bugs and giant angry animals with sharp, sharp teeth. Canada is pretty safe when it comes to these things, you see. Almost none of our insects or reptiles are poisonous. We do have scary animals (grizzly bears, coyotes, polar bears (in the north), mounties) but I'm a city girl, so it's not really an issue.

Have you heard about all the stuff that can kill you in Australia? Have you heard about their crocodiles? Have you? They're terrifying. I learned about them in Bill Bryson's In a Sunburned Country. I wish I could quote it here, but I don't actually own a copy (which is ridiculous, I love Bill Bryson - there's a point at which religious library use becomes an issue... this is that point). Anyway, Bryson makes Australian crocodiles sound epically terrifying.

All this to say that my dream travel destinations are pretty tame.

I've never been to western Canada. I'd love to visit British Columbia. I'd like to tour Europe as well. I'm dying to go back to the UK. I want to visit Ireland. I want to go to New Zealand. NZ sounds amazing. It was described in my travel destinations class (back when I was studying Travel & Tourism) as containing all the worlds' climates on its tiny little self. I want to see the grand canyon and Las Vegas. I want to take the kids to Disney World. I want to go home and visit my family. I'd love to rent a cottage on the south shore of Nova Scotia. I'd like to spend some time in Montreal. And I'd like to visit Newfoundland.

But my #1 travel goal right now is to do a walking vacation in England. They have a great set up. The walks are gorgeous and often historic (with ruins and castles and English town and all that good Europy/British stuff) and there are tour companies who pick up and move your stuff from one inn to the next on your itinerary, so you don't have to carry it with you while you're walking. England has an extensive, well-established trail system. You spend your days walking and stop midday at an English pub for pub food and a pint. Yeah! That's my kind of adventure.

The brilliant Ami of Writing: My Life and Write Out Loud asked: Of all the places you've been in your life, what was your favorite and why?

Like I said in the previous question, I like to think of myself as well travelled. I've been to 6 countries (including Canada). I've visited all of the Maritime Provinces (extensively), Quebec city and Montreal in Quebec, and much of southern Ontario in Canada. I've visited Maine (especially Acadia National Park and Bar Harbor), New Hampshire, Vermont, New York City (several times on class trips), Boston (twice), Florida and Salt Lake City (I was there for a wedding) in the states. I've visited Iceland, Spain, France and England in Europe. I'm not exactly well-travelled, but I'm not a total newb either.

I'm really not good at picking favourites... and travel is no exception. I love Iceland. It's a magical place. Really special. We were there on a four day stop-over on our way home from visiting England and France. We stayed up all night driving around, exploring and visiting waterfalls (it didn't get dark... it was twilight for a while, though). In Spain, my favourite place was Ronda, a small town on a huge cliff-side up in the mountains in Southern Spain.

Ronda

We visited some Roman ruins, wandered the narrow, cobble stone streets and ate salmon in a little restaurant over looking a ravine. It was great. I love England. I just love it. I can't wait to go back, it's been years. France was gorgeous. We visited Paris and Brittany. Beautiful. I adore Canada, naturally. Gorgeous and so diverse. I'm from the Maritimes and I'm pretty sure I've visited just about everywhere. Highlights include: the Bay of Fundy (New Brunswick side), south shore of Nova Scotia, the Cabot Trail, Greenwich PEI, and the beaches on PEI's north shore, NB's eastern shore and the south shore of Nova Scotia. I also love the river valley in New Brunswick where I grew up. You can't find more beautiful scenery. Every single one of these is my favourite. I can't choose between them.

Now you share with me: What is your favourite travel destination? And where would you love to go if you could go anywhere?

If you've got a question you want me to answer, just put it in the comments.

Coming soon: Ask the Reluctant Housewife - Parenting Edition.

Mwah!

Ask the Reluctant Housewife - Husband Edition

2009-10-23T10:40:00.005-04:00

Well I really dropped the ball on this one, didn't I?

The story is that waaa-aaa-aaay back in August I told you that if you had questions for me, just put them in the comments and I'll answer.

And then I went back to school, and the kids went back to school, and life got kind of crazy, and I didn't get back to you.

That was kind of uncool of me.

But I'm getting back to you now, okay?

Good.

This time I'm going to answer the questions you asked about my marriage:

Theta Mom wanted to know: What has surprised you about marriage and what is something you didn't expect?

What surprised me most about marriage was that I noticed a difference in our relationship after we were married. I married my high school sweetheart. We got married in our early twenties, after we'd been together for 7 years and lived together for 3. It made sense to us to get married. We agreed that we would. There wasn't a lot of romance, or even a proposal, at first. My grandmother gave us her engagement ring. It had to be resized so we dropped it off at the jewelry place. A few weeks later Hubs said he wanted to go for a drive. He drove to the river and parked overlooking the yacht club and the cliff. I didn't think anything was up because we often stopped there to admire the boats and the water and the view.

This photo is from the yacht club website. Pretty spot.
It doesn't show the cliff, though.

We sat for a few minutes just taking it all in. Hubs reached into his pocket and pulled out a small red velvet box. He turned to me, opened it to display the ring and asked, "Will you marry me?" I hadn't even known the ring was ready. He picked it up secretly from the jewelry store so that he'd be able to surprise me with a proposal. I was delighted. It was a lovely moment.

We'd been together so long by the time we got married that I didn't expect anything to change. I was surprised by how much of a difference it made to me. Everything felt... more official, somehow... or something. It was good. I liked it. I don't believe that marriage is necessary to have a long-term committed relationship but, for me, it made a difference. That was a surprise.

Elaine from The Miselainous Life, who just had a beautiful baby girl (congratulations again, Elaine!) asked: how did you meet your husband?

I met my husband in high school. He was in my best friend's English class and she was always telling me funny stories about him and the things he'd said and done to make her laugh. One day, when my friends and I were standing in the hall, near the theatre, chatting and sharing a bag of chips, Hub and his friends were lured over by the call of our snackfoods. They scammed some of our chips and stayed to joke around for a while. Eventually, Hub's teasing went a bit too far and one of my friends grabbed his shirt in a playful 'I'll beat you into a pulp now for saying that to me' kind of way (if you know what I mean - it was high school, you've been there) and accidentally ripped off his top two buttons. He was embarrassed because his shirt was hanging open to expose his chest hair and he didn't want to sit in class like that. I said, "It could be worse... it could have been all your buttons." The bell rang and we all went to class.

The next day, I was sitting with my group of friends on the carpet blocks just outside of the cafeteria, eating lunch. Hubs and his friends joined us and we had a long conversation about super powers. I told the boys I had x-ray vision. We discussed the ins and outs of my special power (which did NOT allow me to see people naked under their clothes, but did allow me to see what they had in their pockets). After that day, he started showing up at my locker between classes to walk me to class. We talked on the phone every evening. We combined our two groups of friends to hang out that weekend. Two weeks after we met, he asked me to the Valentine's Day dance. We shared our first kiss that night and we've been together ever since.

And now, dear readers, tell me about yourselves... Tell me how you met your partner, husband, best friend, pet... anyone who's important to you.

And if you'd like to add a question, just put it in the comments.

Coming soon: Ask the Reluctant Housewife - Travel Edition.

Mwah!

Call Center

2009-10-20T07:20:00.006-04:00

You are sitting in a 3x4 box, at a desk. It's not exactly dark, but the light is dim. The air is stale, recycled and dry. All around you, you can hear voices murmuring. They rise and fall and repeat some of the same phrases over and over. You can hear them, but you can't see them from where you are sitting, in your box.

On your head you wear a device with an earpiece and microphone. The device pushes tightly on the sides of your head; it is always uncomfortable. It is attached by a wire to a computer and phone system. You are attached, by the device, to the computer and phone system at all times while you sit at the desk in your box. The system feeds you voices through the earpiece on the device, which sits uncomfortably on your head, and information on the screen of the computer you're plugged into. When you hear a beep, you automatically say the phrase you've been conditioned (like one of Pavlov's dogs) to say, "Thank you for calling The Company. How may I help you?"

The voices that you hear through the apparatus always need your help. Sometimes they're angry, impatient or creepy. Sometimes they're friendly and smiling. They tell you what they need. They ask you what you're wearing. They tell you you have a lovely voice. They ask where you're located. They are surprised by where you're located. They ask about your weekend. They tell you about their weekend. They tell you about their problems. They scream in frustration. They try to negotiate. They tell jokes. They laugh and smile. They ask to speak to your manager. They growl and threaten. They hit on you. You do your best to help them. You thank them for calling.

As you sit, hour after hour in your box, talking to the voices, attached to the computer and hooked into the system, life is passing you by. Outside, it's sunny or it's raining. People are walking in the fresh air, enjoying the light on their faces. People are talking face-to-face, smiling and interacting. People are driving in their cars, relaxed or rushed. People are fighting and struggling. People are sad. People are watching TV or sleeping. People are just sitting and drinking coffee. People are enjoying a nice light snack. People are living.

But not you, you just sit in your box, breathing the stale air, trying to help the voices.

10 Tidbits

2009-10-16T17:01:00.006-04:00

Not to be confused with 10 timbits - the little donut rounds from Tim Hortons - which are much more fun than this, trust me.

The fabulous miss Erin from The Mother Load gave me an award yesterday.

With the award comes a demand (or perhaps a request, if you want to nitpick terminology here) that I share 10 things you might not know about me. Since I've been writing away here for almost 2 years and I tend to over-share there's probably not all that much you don't know about me, but I'm going to give it the old college try anyway.

1. I tend to assume people won't like me.

2. I have a terrible memory for names. I also have a hard time recognizing people by their faces, until they're more familiar. I can recognize new people again best by their hair, their personal style and the way they walk. If I met you once and you've had a haircut, dressed differently and you're stading still, chances are I will have no idea who you are.

3. I love TV. You probably know that already. Or maybe not. I don't love just any old TV, though. I'm choosy. I only like to watch what I like. I can't just sit down and watch whatever. Here's a list, in no particular order, of the shows I watch every week (I PVR them and watch them when I have some free time - usually while I eat breakfast): House, Lie to Me, Glee, The Biggest Loser, Modern Family, Fringe, Big Bang Theory, Being Erica (a Canadian show, it's awesome piled on awesome), Bones, Supernatural, SYTYCD, SYTYCD Canada and Eastwick. There are some shows I PVR but haven't been keeping up with: Cougar Town, Accidentally on Purpose, Melrose Place, The Good Wife, Mercy (all new this season. I'll probably drop them if they don't catch my interest soon.) Yes. I like TV.

4. I'm studying Information Science. There's a lot more information and science in it than I expected. It's challenging and I'm loving it!

5. I love kickboxing, but haven't done it recently. My gym doesn't offer a kickboxing class. Insert sad face here.

6. I love clothes and shopping.

7. I'm kind of lazy.

8. I used to think I was stupid. Now I think I'm smart. It might be wise to try to strike a happy medium. I'm probably not as smart as I think, or as stupid as I used to assume I was.

9. I really don't like
Poetry very much, but I
Really love haiku.

10. In my grade 9 creative writing class, I wrote a poem and handed it in under the name 'anonymous' . The teacher was so annoyed by the 'anonymous' poem that she stood in the front of the room and demanded to know who wrote it. She sounded so angry that I was afraid to tell her it was mine. It was chosen to be published in the school newspaper (also under the name 'anonymous'), which surprised me because I never intended for anyone to take it seriously. I wrote it to be a tongue in cheek spoof of peoms as I saw them then - fake heartfelt sentiment signed 'anonymous'. I intended for it to make my friends laugh, which it did, and to their credit they didn't out me as its author. Here it is:

War is over, Peace is here
I hope it stays throughout the year.
-anonymous

'I hope it stays throughout the year.' Heh. Still funny.

It's both over and understated, don't you think? I mean, yes, peace is a good thing but what about next year? We don't want peace next year? Nah. We just hope it stays throughout this year.

Anyway.

Thanks again Erin!

And I'll pass it on to the fair ladies of Snarkler. You know who you are.

Mwah!

Fangirl Photo Edit Birthday Pic

2009-10-15T21:57:00.005-04:00

Hey!

Look who partied with us for Monkey's birthday:

Click the image if you'd like to see a larger view.

If you have no idea who these people are, click here.

There's nothing quite like a fangirl photo edit joke to up the geek factor, is there?

I Start Out Telling a Silly Story and Fall Down Some Kind of Crazy Dr. Phil-Related Rabbit Hole

2009-10-14T15:59:00.007-04:00

Hubs often proofreads my posts for me before I publish them.

He tells me this one is not up to my usual standards.

I think: My usual standards? Whatever they are - if they exist.

He tells me it feels a bit like talking on the phone with me while I'm watching TV.

I think: And that's a bad thing?

He tells me I sound like I wrote this when I was feeling bitter.

I think: Huh. Maybe my sorry attempts at humour fell short... Very short.

And maybe, just maybe I was feeling a little bitter... who wouldn't be bitter watching Dr. Phil after they visited Walmart, I ask you?

Not to worry, though, I am all over happy right now.

lalala

see?

So here, darling readers, is a post not up to my 'usual standards'. It's bad AND long. Score!

So I was in Walmart this morning.

I see you judging me. Cut it out!

I needed toilet paper.

I went after I dropped the kids off at school so I was there right after they opened... The Walmart staff were still setting up their departments, stocking shelves, arriving, putting on their bright blue smocks.

I was wandering through the drug store section, looking for replacement razor blades for Hubs. There were two women working there who were setting up prices and stocking the shelves, we'll call them Katie and Joyce.

Oh wow! This post is interrupted so that I can share my thoughts about what is on the TV right now. Dr. Phil just came on.

I see you judging me. Cut it out!

I wasn't watching it, I was watching Eastwick on the PVR and it ended, the PVR stopped and there was Dr. Phil. And, yes I watch TV. If you want to use that fact to feel all superior because you don't, go right ahead. More power to ya, ya poor entertainmentless slub, ya.

They're talking about stay-at-home moms vs. working moms and there's this woman on and she's so judgmental. She said, "I just think that if you don't have time to have your kids then maybe you should give it a pass." Who is she to tell other women they shouldn't have had their kids?

Then she said, "I just don't think there's anything you should be doing other than raising the children you helped create." Dude! Some people HAVE to work. They'd love to be home with their kids, but they can't be. Some people WANT to work and that is also a valid choice. Who died and made her queen perfect mother, anyway?

Then another mom said that she has 3 kids under the age of 2 and she was looking forward to going back to work and that she was feeling burnt out. Judgmental woman answered, "I don't think catering to our feelings is really what we should be focusing on as adults." Well, let me ask you this - if we don't look out for our own feelings, who's going to? Hmmm? I'll tell you who. Nobody. That's who. We have to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others. That's an important part of being I mom. I HAVE SPOKEN.

Also? I do not like this woman.

Do. Not. Like.

Oh and hey! Check it out. There's Dooce. Dooce on Dr. Phil. Huh.

Gah! Judgmental woman just made one of the working moms all teary eyed! God.

Oooh! Judgmental woman just got called 'sanctimonious' by one of the women who works behind the scenes on the show and judgmental woman replied that the bible says she has a right to be judgmental. Um, no Judgmental woman, I think that what the bible says about judgment is 'Judge not, lest ye be judged." But I might be wrong. What do I know about the bible? Not much, probably. Then the woman who works on the show said, "That's opinion, not judgment. There's a difference." Judgmental woman sneered and replied, "My judgment keeps me out of trouble so I'm just going to go ahead and be as judgmental as I want."

Wow. What a lovely woman. Really sweet. So full of love.

Oh! Now they're talking about daycare. I have thoughts on that: Why is daycare so hard to find and why is it so expensive? They have subsidized daycare here. You qualify for it based on your income. However, in order to make use of the subsidy, you have to find a subsidized spot in a daycare. They're extremely limited. I don't understand that at all! If they're going to offer subsidized daycare, why aren't all the spots subsidized? It's based on income, so only those who qualify would take advantage of it, it's not like they'd have to subsidize all the spots. It shouldn't be such a struggle to find a spot. It's awful. With this system the people who most need the work have the hardest time finding daycare they can afford. What the hell kind of fucked up system is that, seriously?

Hey Canada, get that fixed, would you?

What was I talking about?

Right. Walmart.

Again I see you judging me. Cut it out!

I needed toilet paper.

Oh never mind. Who cares about my silly Walmart story anyway?

Oh fine, here's the short version:

The girls working in the pharmacy? I think they were stoned. They were speaking in silly accents, making fun of the announcements over the loud speakers, yelling things like "I knew these were on roll-back! I have to find a nine! My job is so hard!" and laughing until tears rolled down their cheeks.

Like, for example, the loud speakers said, "Would all staff please come to the front cash for the staff morning meeting."

The girl chorused, "Come to the front for the staff morning meeting," in their silly accents and then they fell all over the place laughing.

So my point? Yeah. I really don't have one.

The end.

Just Sittin' Here in Class Staring at the Wall

2009-10-13T18:30:00.005-04:00

So I'm sitting here in class and I'm done the test. I'm thinking maybe I should go over my answers again... But, really, I've done that already. Twice.

So I'm staring at the wall and there's a red sign there with yellow lettering. It says, "Please ensure lights are turned off before leaving the room." And above it? A blank metal box where a light switch used to be. Heh.

Question:

Do you think they're playing with our heads (Oh no! I can't leave the room! The lights are still on and I can't turn them off! There's no switch! Oh the humanity!)?

Or

Do you think it's some kind of deep philosophical 'if a tree falls in the woods' kind of thing?

Yep. Just staring at the wall.

I also read the side of my starbucks cup but it's not interesting enough to bother sharing.

In other news, I've lost 3 followers. They left without even saying goodbye.

What drove them away?

Is it the swearing? It's just a few little colourful words every now again.

Is it all the pictures of my kids? If so, what is your problem? My kids are awesome.

Is it me? Oh god. It's me isn't it?

I just knew it.

(totally kidding... I know it's not me - it's so obviously YOU).

Mwah!

Holiday Monday is Just Another Walk in the Park

2009-10-12T17:13:00.009-04:00

I finished writing my research paper this morning. Yay! I just have to do some minor editing and then I'll be ready to hand it in.

Instead of cleaning the house, like we should have, we decided to go for another walk in the woods, this time at a different park.

You know what that means, don't you?

(wait for it... wait for it...)

Pictures!

Yes. Pictures. But first some stories.

We saw a woman feeding chickadees with a handful of peanuts. The kids were fascinated. She asked if they were allergic to peanuts and when I told her they weren't she gave them each their own handful of peanuts to feed to the chickadees.

I thought they'd have trouble standing still long enough for the chickadees to land on their hands, but I was wrong. The chickadees landed on their hands and my hand and hubby's and took peanuts. It was really cool.

Chickadee in Buddy's hand.

Chickadee in Hubby's hand.

As we were walking I kept noticing little purple flowers. They stood out against all the browns, greens, yellows and oranges. I wanted to take a picture, but I didn't see any near the edge of the trail. Finally, just as were almost at the end of our walk, I found some. I'm quite happy with how the pictures turned out.

I was once again happy with my fall day walking outfit. I wore my new scarf, which I think is just the right amount of punk.

And now... The pretty pictures from our walk:

Creepy old hollow stump

Cattails going to fuzz.

I like the way this tree arches over the path.

Some kind of bird or animal dug holes in this tree until it bled sap.
Very Halloween.

An interesting old log. The other side of it was hollow,
which the kids found very exciting.
("Look Mommy! A hollow log! Something might live in there.")

Pretty leaves, green turning to yellow.

Monkey was very concerned that we not eat these mushrooms.
He warned we'd have to go to the 'haustiple' in the 'ambulance' if we did.

Trees. I love them. These have the green/yellow leaves plus the arching over the path thing going on.

Marsh!

My very own king of all the wild things.

This neat old tree had a hole in it. Bud thought he'd poke a stick in it.
Nothing happened.

Very cool, very big tree.

I'm sensing a new theme here at my blog. It is this: Come to Canada, we have trees.

And, since it's Thanksgiving, I'll just go ahead and say that I'm thankful for all the stuff pictured in this post and all the other peachy keen stuff in my life. So, yeah, thanks!

And thanks to you for reading my blog, yo.

Kisses and hugs.

A Walk in the Park

2009-10-11T09:57:00.008-04:00

It's a beautiful, sunny, fall weekend.

Yesterday we went for a walk in the park to enjoy the fall colours before they disappear in a pile of snow.

It was a fabulous day, the boys ran ahead with Hubs and I lagged behind snapping pictures galore. I snapped so many pictures that I've decided to adopt 'Pictures Galore' as my new drag queen name. You can call me 'Picky' for short.

Or not... because that is, like, the worst drag queen name ever. Also? I'm not a drag queen.

So, yeah. Here's some of the pictures I took:

The boys at the first lookout with the lake that the trail winds around in the background.
Such a pretty spot!

Lots of stairs. The lake is such an interesting colour.

Random outcrop with trees.

The lookout. It's a popular spot. That's Hubby and Buddy in the right corner.

I love this picture!

This is very fairytale children lost in the woods. Don't eat any candy houses, kids!

Like I said, lots of stairs.

More stairs.

I like the light in this one.

Hubby took this picture. I think my outfit is perfect for a fall walk in the woods.
Also, aren't my kids cute?

Again, I like the light.

Fall colours! Fall colours! Yay!

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadians! Happy Columbus Day to all the Americans! Happy Sunday to everyone else!

And I do deeply apologize for all the exclamation points in this post.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

A Lost Tooth

2009-10-09T21:41:00.004-04:00

When I picked Buddy up from daycare on Wednesday I found a plastic tooth with his backpack. The school gives the kids plastic tooth-shaped containers to hold their teeth when they fall out, so that they won't lose them.

"Oh! Did your tooth finally fall out?" I asked him.

Buddy looked worried, "Yeah, but I lost it on the playground."

"Well, we'll have to write a note to the tooth fairy," I said.

So that's what we did. That evening Bud composed the following message:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

My tooth fell out. I lost it at school.

From Buddy.

We put the note under his pillow and he went to sleep.

In the morning, he eagerly checked for money under his pillow but the note was still there. The tooth fairy forgot to come!

We talked it over at breakfast. Hubby told Bud that the tooth fairy probably had a huge influx of teeth to pick up and she was running behind but that she'd pick his tooth up that night. Buddy thought maybe she couldn't find the tooth at school and that he'd only get his money when she found his tooth. I didn't say so, but I thought maybe the tooth fairy was in grad school and that maybe it's midterm and she's up to her ears in deadlines and, so, she's particularly distracted. Monkey didn't know what happened with the tooth fairy, but he thinks dinosaurs are COOOL!

Ahem.

So last night we left the note under Buddy's pillow again and this morning Hubby stopped me in the hall on my way out to make breakfast.

"Here," he said, giving me a nod in the direction of the kids' room while passing me a dollar.

I stared at him dully for a few seconds. "What's this for?"

He nodded towards the kids' room again and raised one of his eyebrows significantly. I watched his facial gymnastics until I remembered. "Oh shit. Has he checked yet?"

"I don't think so."

I tiptoed down to the kids' room and made the exchange, then I went to the kitchen to make breakfast. I let some time pass, then casually asked Buddy, "Did the Tooth Fairy come?"

"I forgot to check!" He jumped up and ran to his pillow.

A few moments passed in silence, then he made his way back out to the living room. He didn't seem excited.

"Didn't she come?" I asked.

"She only left a dollar," he said. "I guess it's because I lost the tooth at school... It's okay, I guess, but it's just not what I was expecting. I thought teeth were two dollars."

He put the money down and went back to his video game.

I didn't say, but I think the tooth fairy is not sure what to think about the price of teeth these days.

Quick Update

2009-10-01T10:10:00.002-04:00

I'm supposed to be working on my research paper.

I just wanted to post a quick update and thank you all - I threw my little tantrum and instead of telling me I was being an oversensitive, defensive asshole you patted me on the back, told me it was all okay and sent me kind wishes of coffee and chocolate.

I've since had coffee and chocolate and I'm no longer in a giant snit.

So... I have an update on the whole sordid story of the little crying girl. The woman who was on the playground and first spoke to the little girl? The one who called her kiddo? Is the child's mother!

So I'm at a complete loss to understand why she let her kid flip out like that all over the place without taking responsibility... but I'm hesitant to judge (which I am SO obviously doing anyway... my bad) because you never know when it's going to be you. You know? You just never know.

Haha. I'm amused by how many times I just used the word 'know'.

I realized it's not that funny but, then, I had very little sleep last night.

One more quick thing:

I'm writting my paper about the information available online on blogs and wikipedia - information that's published with any kind of official content control, fact checking or editing... I'm looking at how information professionals assess the information, how they use it in libraries and that kind of thing.

Turns out there's tons of stuff written about this topic, which is peachy since it makes my research easier.

And my point: I was reading a book about blogs and the guy said that personal weblogs are a waste of time.

I realize that a personal weblog doesn't usually offer an enormous amount of value in the area of academic research, but a waste of time?

A waste? Really?

Yeah. Bite me.

And that's all I have to say right now.

buh bye!

MOOD Rant and Pictures of Trees

2009-09-18T08:39:00.008-04:00

I am in a MOOD today and, naturally, we are fresh out of chocolate (Hubby ate all the Pocky, damn him) and (gasp!) coffee.

I was reading your comments on my last post and starting to feel downright defensive over the whole thing... and because of my MOOD I am incapable of keeping my shit to myself.

Yes. Every parent at my boys' school, myself included, is an uncaring, standoffish, cold, evil anti-parent with devil eyes who lets little girls cry alone on big empty playgrounds, thereby ruining their lives for ever and ever.

And if you had only been there, help would have arrived and all the anguish in the world would have been circumvented.

And even though our community is just this side of hell and the cold darkness of the Arctic (at least for crying little girls, it is) we can still boast some very pretty trees.

Here's some pictures of them and other assorted nature to distract you from all my bullshit:

Playground Flip Out

2009-09-16T08:43:00.004-04:00

So there was a little girl crying on the playground at drop off this morning.

I watched as one of the other moms asked her what was wrong. The mom's daughter, who'd been talking to the crying little girl, explained what the problem was. The mom put her hand on the little girl's head and said something comforting. The little girl flung her arms in the air and ran off screaming and crying.

There's a group of grade 5 or 6 girls at the school who help out in the JK and SK classrooms. They're usually really good with the little kids. I saw them notice the girl and try to comfort her. She flung herself around, waving her arms in the air, slapping anyone close enough to reach and screaming, "No!"

I decided not to involve myself.

The bell rang and I helped Monkey on with his backpack and encouraged him over to where his class lines up to go into the building. He was loudly complaining that he was hungry and wanted to eat his snack, "right now, mommy!"

I was thinking, 'Argh! Stop, kid! People are going to think I didn't give you breakfast,' but I was saying, "If you eat your snack now you won't have anything for snack time. You had a big breakfast, you'll be fine."

While I was convincing Monkey to stop complaining and line up with his class, the grade 5 and 6 girls were still trying to help the little crying girl, who continued to slap and scream, "No!" Finally another mom who obviously knew the little girl approached and asked what was wrong. The girl explained calmly enough and the mom led her over to where her class was lining up. The problem? The girl couldn't find her friends on the playground. She calmed down when approached by someone she knew and she was happy once she was lined up with her friends.

I have two questions:

Where the hell were the teachers (who are supposed to be supervising the playground in the morning and taking responsibility for other people's upset children)?

And would you have stepped in to help?

Tire Swing

2009-09-14T08:03:00.004-04:00

We discovered a tire swing on Saturday while we were exploring a path along the river.

Sometimes it doesn't take much to turn an outing into an adventure.

I Refuse to Panic

2009-09-09T19:12:00.007-04:00

On the morning I managed to take control of my panic attacks Hubby and I were waiting in a hallway outside of the administrative offices of the Toronto college where I was studying Travel and Tourism, waiting to hand in my student loan and pay my tuition. The hall was full of other people, also waiting for the same reason. We took a number and sat down on the floor against the wall half way down the hallway.

I was unaware that I had been holding my breath. I held my breath until my chest protested and forced me to start breathing again. I took the feeling as a sure sign that I was going to have a heart attack, right there on the floor while waiting to pay my tuition, in front of all these people. Shame and fear. I tensed up. Pains started shooting through my arms and shoulders. These pains, I told myself, are just another symptom of a heart attack. The fear intensified. My vision tunneled so that it looked like I was seeing through the wrong end of a telescope. I stared up at the person standing waiting next to me. He looked so far away. Everything seemed unreal, like I was watching my life rather than living it. My body turned clammy and my breath was shallow. Panic.

I was going to die. I was sure of it.

I sat in the hallway for awhile, quietly freaking out.

When I couldn't stand it anymore, I turned to Hubby and said, "I'm going to have a heart attack I have to get out of here."

He said, "You're not going to have a heart attack. You're fine. We have to pay your tuition."

"How can you say that? I am not fine! I feel awful. I can't breathe, I have pains in my arms and neck, my chest and heart feel weird. Those are all symptoms of a heart attack. You know that! Don't you care that I'm going to die?"

I put my head down on my knees and took a deep breath. When the air hit my lungs, I realized I hadn't been breathing. I consciously took another deep breath. 'I'm fine,' I told myself. 'I'm fine. The only thing wrong with me is the panic.'

I took third deep breath and relaxed my muscles. The pains in my arms and neck dissipated.

I raised my head and looked around and just let myself breath for awhile, slowly realizing there was nothing actually wrong with me.

I turned back to Hubby and said, "I'm going to be okay."

He sighed. "Exactly," he said.

I haven't had a full-on panic attack since. I monitor myself and manage my stress. I eat better. I exercise. I am now aware that I hold my breath when I'm stressed. As soon as I feel myself start to panic I force myself to breathe. I tell myself I'm okay. I focus on calming myself down, on relaxing my muscles, on just breathing. Just. Breathe. Breathe. You're okay. Deep breath, deeeep breath.

I used to have panic attacks. Then I didn't. Part of it was being aware of my stress levels and trying to just calm down. But a big part of getting past the panic attacks was fixing my vitamin deficiencies.

Prior to that September morning, years ago, when I was able to finally manage my panic, I started taking vitamins to deal with deficiencies my childhood family doctor had discovered over the summer. I'd been dealing with a long list of odd symptoms for months: twitching thumbs and (every once in awhile) eyelids, IBS-like stomach problems, sudden sweats, exhaustion. The Toronto doctors I visited couldn't figure it out. I was advised to avoid dairy and oils, to stick to clear fluids and plain breads. It didn't help. Finally my family doctor, after Hubs and I had moved home for the summer, did some blood tests and discovered I was anemic and also had low B12. So, on that day in September, I'd been taking supplements for about a month and was starting to feel more normal. The thumb twitching had stopped, the stomach problems were mostly gone, I was starting to regain some energy and feel more like myself.

My improved health allowed me to separate the panic from the actual physical symptoms. Without the physical symptoms, I had no reason to panic. I was able to take a step back and realize the worst part of what I was experiencing was psychological. I was able to take control of how I was feeling.

Lately I've had a harder time managing my stress levels. It's been a crazy few months (Hub's job falling through, followed by him searching for and finding another job, moving, waiting to find out if I'd been accepted to school, finding daycare, starting school) and I haven't been taking proper care of myself. Yesterday, for the first time in years, I felt removed from reality. It's a bit like when you're watching a movie and you're relating to the characters so much that you almost feel like you're living their lives along with them, like you're involved personally in the story. Almost. That's how it feels: You feel like you're almost living your life. Almost. But there's still that nagging feeling of unreality, of being a spectator rather than an active participant.

The return, no matter how brief, of that feeling makes me think I should start taking some vitamins, eat better and get more exercise. I'm going to get things back on track because the last thing I need right now is a return of the panic.

***
Thanks to Heather at Theta Mom for this cute award:

***
I haven't forgotten your questions. I'll answer them soon! If you have a question you've been burning to ask me, just put it in the comments at Ask the Reluctant Housewife. Mwah!

Be Careful What You Wish For

2009-08-24T07:00:00.001-04:00

I've always felt that I missed out on a basic female relationship because I don't have a sister. I pine for someone to help me pick out my clothes for big events, for someone to hang around and drink coffee with me and bitch about life's little annoyances, someone to shop with, someone I can call up and they'll always be available. Someone who will build me up when I'm down and bring me down when I get too full of myself. Someone who is always there and who loves and accepts me for being me.

I always wished I had a sister.

In high school I used to travel with a friend's family at March break. We each had a brother two years younger, but no sisters. We both wished we had a sister and decided we might as well pretend.

We used to tell people we were sisters. We didn't look all that much alike, she was much taller than me and we had very different facial features. But her father and my mother are both naturally red-haired and we both look like the non-redheaded children of redheads: fair and freckled with natural twinges of red in our dark blond hair.

When we told people we were sisters, they always believed us.

We have very different lives now but we keep in touch. She told me recently that she believes we've known each other in past lives; that we actually were sisters in some long distant, other past.

She and I have a very different way of looking at life. I'm not sure if I believe in reincarnation but when she tells me we were sisters, I want to believe her.

People sometimes claim to have seen me places I've never been. When this happens, they always accuse me of behaving in way I never would.

In my first year of university, I was living in residence and failing miserably at fitting in. The rooms in the basement of my coed residence were all occupied by male students. The basement rooms quickly became party-central and the basement boys formed a fraternity-like bond. A few months into the school year, I attended a party in the basement. I was sitting watching a card game when one of the basement boys sat down next to me.

He smiled a knowing smile and asked, "How are you feeling today?"

"Fine. Why?"

"I just wondered because you were so drunk last night."

I looked at him, confused. "No I wasn't," I said. "I don't drink."

His smile changed to a frown. "You're lying. You were down here last night and you passed out in my friend's room."

I shook my head, "That wasn't me."

He looked around and called out to another of the basement boys, "Was Mel down here drunk last night, or not?"

His friend looked at me. "I don't know. Whoever it was sure looked like her but if she says she wasn't, I believe her."

"I don't," said his friend, "it was her."

"It wasn't me!" I was starting to get annoyed, "I've never been drunk."

He rolled his eyes, "Whatever." He got up and I was left alone, wondering who had been in the basement, drinking until they passed out while wearing my face.

Years later, in Toronto, I was out at a pub with some friends. It was my first time visiting the pub, which was some distance from both my home and my school. The waiter handed us our menus and smiled a knowing smile in my direction.

He came back a few minutes later and took our drink orders. My friends and I all ordered cokes.

He grinned and said with a wink, "A coke? That's not what you were drinking last night."

I squinted at him in confusion, "What?"

He smiled, "You were here last night with a group of friends. I guess you don't remember because you were pretty drunk."

"That wasn't me. I've never been here before."

He insisted, "Yes you have. You were here last night. I never mistake a face."

I sighed inwardly and decided to just go with it.

"It must have been my twin sister. She and I haven't been in touch in years but I think she lives nearby."

I ignored my friends' shocked faces and went on with my story.

"She's pretty wild," I told him. "Not at all like me," I smiled.

He smiled back, "She sure is! She danced for half the night on that table over there and had to be carried home by a bunch of her friends."

"Yeah. That sounds like her."

He went off to fill our order and my friends asked me why I'd made up a fictional sister.

I explained that this wasn't the first time this had happened to me and that I was tired of not being believed when I told people it wasn't me they'd seen. "I'm just so tired of being accused of showing up and passing out everywhere I go, so I invented a sister to take the blame."

I always wished I had a sister.

But instead of the close friendship I craved, I got a wild, drunken pseudo-sister who preceded me to parties and restaurants and created an undeserved party-girl image everywhere she went.

Somehow it's just not as satisfying as I thought it was going to be.

Lesson learned: Be careful what you wish for.

***
Thanks to Erin at The Mother Load for this award:

I great big pink fluffy heart adore Erin. Head on over to her blog and tell her I said hi!

I'd like to pass this award on to everyone who loves art, dance, theatre or design.

This One Goes Out to My Mother-In-Law

2009-08-21T13:59:00.005-04:00

Whenever make-up comes up in conversation with my mother-in-law, she asks me, "Why don't you at least wear a bit of lip colour?"

I don't normally wear any make-up at all and I guess my MIL, who is always rocking a lovely shade of lipstick, thinks I need some.

So this one goes out her.

Me before make-up

I've got my lipgloss.

Apply

Dab

And voila!

What do you think? Was my MIL right?

Peanut Free Snacks from PC

2009-08-20T08:22:00.006-04:00

I was sent a big bag of President's Choice peanut free snacks to try.

For the record: I did not pay for these snacks but I am not being paid to write this, I was not told what to say, this is my actual opinion.

I agreed to try these products because my sons' school doesn't allow us to send anything with nuts, peanuts or seeds in their lunches and I actually buy and like the PC products. It's a good match for my life.

Okay? Are we good?

Good.

Here's what I received:

● Crispy rice marshmallow squares
● 3 boxes of little snack cakes: Brownies, carrot cake and banana cake with chocolate chips
● 3 boxes of Soft & Chewy cookies: Oatmeal raisin, oatmeal cranberry and oatmeal chocolate chip
● 2 boxes of Blue Menu Wheat Bran bites: Maple & brown sugar and banana bread
● Dipped & Chewy granola bars: chocolate fudge chocolate chip
● Mini Chef's Teensy Weensy muffins: Chocolate chip, banana and blueberry
● PC blueberry cereal bars

I was excited to have the chance to try these products out. We shop at PC and use many of the PC brand products, especially Blue Menu. I was disappointed when I first opened the package of peanut free snacks because they weren't healthier. For the most part I'll be sticking with the PC products I already buy for the kids' lunches: Unsweetened apple sauce, cheese string, wheat bran bites (which did arrive in the package), dried fruit snacks, etc... I also really like the PC Blue Menu nitrate free sandwich meat.

On with the review:

The healthiest snacks we were sent are the wheat bran bites, which I did buy last year and sent to school with my kids. My kids won't eat the banana flavour (of any of these snacks), but the maple is tasty. They can be a bit dry and are probably best enjoyed with a glass of milk.

The Soft & Chewy cookies are very good. They're downright yummy and I like that they're packaged individually, making them so easy to throw in the boys' lunches as an extra little treat. Last year I was buying Bear Paws because of they were peanut free and packaged in individual servings. I found, though, that the serving size was too big for little kids. I'll be replacing the Bear Paws with these cookies this year, for sure.

I won't be putting the snack cakes in the kids' lunches but I just want to say, here for the record, that they're very tasty! Especially the brownies. Yum! I will probably buy them as a special desert treat every once in awhile (brownies with ice cream, most likely).

I will not be buying the muffins (okay, but not great), the granola bars (good but not my thing) or the rice crispy treats (the kids love them, but I'd rather make my own).

Does your child's school have a ban on certain foods? What snacks do you send in your kids lunches?

Ask the Reluctant Housewife

2009-08-18T16:21:00.005-04:00

I've enjoyed reading posts by a few of my favourite bloggers which were based around questions their blog readers asked them.

I also enjoyed answering my readers' questions when I did 'Ask the Reluctant Housewife' as my 100th post.

So, one year and 310 posts later, I want to do it again. Answering your questions should give me an opportunity to tell some fun stories based on what you're interested in reading about.

Now all I need are the questions.

Ask away in the comments and I will answer with all the charm and TMI I can muster (very little of the first and probably more of the latter than is good for anybody).

First Kisses

2009-08-17T22:38:00.003-04:00

Erin at The Mother Load shared a very well told story of her first kiss today.

So in honour of Erin, I thought I'd also share my first kiss story:

He said he wanted to show me something so I followed him down into the basement. It was chaos. The walls were framed up, but uncovered by Gyprock or plaster. Two by fours and tools were scattered everywhere. The floor was treacherous and unfinished, with exposed dirt and broken concrete. He watched me take it all in and laughed. "My father is putting an office down here for his business."

He sat on the edge of the unfinished window, leaned forward and whispered, "I'd like to kiss you."

I grinned, thinking it was a joke.

He leaned forward again and lightly brushed his lips over mine.

"Your lips are very soft," he told me.

I reached up and touched my lips, too shy to say anything.

He smiled, "Tomorrow I'm going to bring elastics to the bus stop and shoot them at you."

Later that night I told my parents what he'd said about the elastics. I had been worrying for hours about going to the bus stop the next morning.

My parents called his and a few moments later he showed up in our living room and apologized for scaring me.

The next day he was at the bus stop, but the elastics were not.

We never talked about the kiss. And I never told anybody.

Erin is trying to build up her followers list. Head over to her blog, read her first kiss story and follow her because - whether she's sharing her tips for living green, spinning yarns about herself and her twin girls, or explaining how to make proper Challah - she's always fun to read and she's very worthy of a follow.

5 Random Thoughts for the Weekend

2009-08-16T19:47:00.003-04:00

Just because the world needs more cute.

1. Hubby has some guitar music open in a separate window on the computer. The song's title is 'Your ex-lover is dead'. Every time I glance down I get a little shock, despite the fact that I don't even have an ex-lover. (it reminds me of an evil fortune cookie)

2. Do you ever read and comment on people's blogs for months on end and wonder to yourself why you bother with commenting because your comments are never acknowledged? Obviously to follow a blog and comment for months or years at a time is a type of relationship and it kind of sucks when it's completely one-sided. To me, it feels like I'm off in the distance waving my hands, calling too softly for them to hear, "Notice me, notice me. I'm here."

3. If I'm making anyone feel like I described in #2, please let me know in the comments because it is the furthest thing from my intentions. Not that, you know, I'm important enough to make anyone feel that way... but, you know, just in case. For the record: I love comments. I enjoy the feedback and back pats they supply with every post I write. They're great and thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

4. I am pathetically down in the dumps today. Just kind of sad and mopey and lacking in initiative. It's probably PMS. Of course I will take your head off if you dare to suggest to me that it's PMS. Do not negate my mope with your anti-feminist diagnoses!

5. I just said to my husband: "It's not rocket science, it's just friggin' pizza." Why? Because I am just that obnoxious, that's why. Now you know. Blame it on #4 if you will, but be careful I'm not anywhere nearby when you do.

***

Thanks to Jenn at Jenny Says What? for this fab award:

I'm going to pass it on to the first 5 commenters on this post because they truly are fabulous.

Funhouse Mirror and More - A Visit to the Science Museum

2009-08-10T10:19:00.006-04:00

Buddy was allowed to choose our activity for the day on Friday as a reward for being a good big brother. He chose to visit our local science museum and I chose to bring the camera.

We took pictures in the funhouse mirror:

The boys took a ride in an automobile:

Riding along in my automobile, my brother beside me at the wheel...

And a trip to outer-space to visit an astronaut:

Me: "Smile and say 'birthday cake'!"

Them: 'Hold your breath! There's no air in space!"

And did a bunch of other fab science-related stuff:

Visiting the thing (some kinda giant vacuum tube or something)

The tunnels (one of the boys' favourite things at the museum)

Light and image experiment

Sundial

And in other news...

That evening we took a walk to drop some books off at the library and visit the playpark. Monkey had his kaleidoscope in his right hand and his polar bear in his left. He was running along the sidewalk and tripped. Because his hands were full, he wasn't able to catch himself and he landed on his face. Poor Monkey!

Ouch!

I picked him up and there was an enormous, bleeding scrape covering half his face. We carried him home to clean it up. After the clean-up I put a big Spiderman bandaid on his cheek. It was so big I had to trim the edge so that it wouldn't cover his nostril. I stood back and admired my work. All better, I thought, but Monkey was worried.

"Everyone's going to make fun of me with this bandaid on my face," he wailed.

I assured him that no one was going to make fun of him and we made our way back outside where his big brother took one look at his bandaid covered face and said, "Whoa! You look cool!"

Monkey's worries were instantly erased and we went on our way to the library and the playpark.

A Chicken With Four Legs

2009-08-07T19:07:00.006-04:00

I wondered if I spoke too soon when I told Monkey that there's no such thing as a chicken with four legs.

We were celebrating Hubby's new job with a store bought chicken, a dutch chocolate loaf and a few small gifts (a new sweater and an aloe plant). Monkey and Buddy both had drumsticks and, when he'd finished his, Monkey asked, "I can has more of that chicken bones, Mom?"

I smiled and shook my head, "There are no more drumsticks, honey."

"Aw! I want more."

"Well, they're all gone. Sorry, doll. Chickens only have two legs, you know."

"Next time can we get a chicken which has four legs?" he asked.

"There's no such thing as a chicken with four legs."

A few minutes passed while we all chewed, then Monkey said, "Mommy, I wish the kids had a secret lab."

Yes, I'm worried I spoke too soon when I told Monkey that there's no such thing as a chicken with four legs.

Should I Post?

2009-08-07T10:57:00.006-04:00

I feel like I have no stories to tell.

Or at least I feel like I don't have the words or the wit to tell my stories today.

Is it better to wait for creativity to strike or is it better to post for the sake of posting?

Last week sucked.

I was sick. Dizzy, coughing, exhausted: sick. It's stupid to be sick in the summer. It's ridiculous.

To make matters worse, I always feel self-conscious when I'm sick because when I tell people how I'm feeling they often ask, "You're sick a lot, aren't you?"

I hate that. In response, I either growl, "No," or frown and say, "No more than most people." Then I peer out from under my lowered eyebrows until they look away, uncomfortable.

I'm sure they wonder why I'm so annoyed.

I'm annoyed because I don't want people to think I'm sickly.

One of my greatest frustrations is that I can't control what people think of me. I want to come across as together, creative, intelligent, effective. Not sickly and pathetic or lazy and morose. And yet people always say, "You're sick a lot, aren't you?"

This week I feel normal, almost like my old self.

I feel fine. And yet when I tell people how I feel, no one says to me, "You feel normal a lot, don't you?"

Last night Monkey went to bed crying. It was late. We'd let the boys stay up and watch So You Think You Can Dance with us. The kids love the dancing.

I remember when Buddy was small, he came home from preschool and told me that boys can't be dancers. I told him that boys can most definitely be dancers and that men who dance need to be very strong because they often have to lift the women dancers. To prove my point, I turned to YouTube and we watched some ballet. So You Think You Can Dance has proven to Buddy that men can indeed be dancers and that dancers, both male and female, are amazing athletes.

We had Wednesday's show on our PVR and started watching it as we ate supper. When it ended we started watching the finale results show. At around 9:30pm, I noticed the time and told the boys they needed to get straight to bed and to sleep. It was way past their bedtime. Monkey, who was overtired and emotional, wasn't ready. He wanted to finish watching the dancing. He wanted his polar bear. His bug bite was itchy. It was NO FAIR! Stomp, stomp, stomp. Finally Hubby picked him up and carried him to his bed, tucked him in and told him to stay put.

He cried for a few minutes and I heard Buddy say, "Why are you crying, Monkey?" A mumbled conversation followed and then I heard Buddy reading Monkey a story. He read his brother to sleep and then crawled in his own bed and fell asleep, himself. I was so proud of him.

So today is Buddy's choice day. Buddy gets to choose the day's activity because he's such a great big brother. And a great kid. And a super reader. All that good stuff and more.

---

Special thanks to Mamma-Face of Blog Ignoramous for this lovely award:

I pass it on to everyone who comments on this post.

---

So that's it... My post for the sake of posting. My stories told despite my lack of words and wit.

So what do you think: Is it better to post for the sake of posting or is it better to wait for creativity to strike?

The Blog's Been Changed

2009-08-06T17:39:00.002-04:00

Just so I can draw your attention to it:

Check out my blog.

I changed it.

It took a long time because I had to teach myself how to do everything as I went along.

Skills I learned:
● How to format the background images for the blog, the body and the header. And how to add edges to those images.
● Navigation bar - how to make the images and add the links and how to stick it in the header.
● How to match colours
● all the html
● a bunch of other stuff I can't bring to mind right now.

And that's all... I just wanted to point it out.

Let me know what you think... but be gentle I think I'm likely to be rather touchy about it. I'll try to be open to criticism, though.

Okay then.

Bye!

Giveaway Winner

2009-07-31T08:59:00.001-04:00

The winner of The Step 2 Par 3 Mini Golf Course:

is comment #9 CC.

Congratulations CC!

My Personal Vendetta

2009-07-25T13:40:00.006-04:00

I've read several posts in which a mom gently rescues a cute little bug which has found its way into her house and releases it safely outside to the adulation of her adoring, innocent children.

That's not how it goes down here.

The bugs and I, you see, we have an agreement. They stay outside and they get to live.

When I see a bug I turn into a crazy, bloodthirsty killing machine... Kind of like Wolverine. Not the relatively tame, snuggly, low-key Wolverine of the movies, mind you. He screams and stabs people and launches himself off of balconies and all that, sure, but he's nothing when compared to the Wolverine of the comic books. The Wolverine Origins comics series, for example, is so bloody and violent that I don't even like it to be in same room with the kids. I borrow it from the library and read it with a certain relish (and mustard and ketchup... but I skip the hotdog because hotdogs give me heartburn) but I keep it away from the boys.

Yup, it's the Origins' Wolverine I become when faced with bugs: bloodthirsty and enraged with a wish to kill, kill, KILL (but, you know, only the bad guys n' stuff... I don't wish to kill the good guys or any innocent bystanders. Wolverine and I have our standards, after all). But the bugs must DIE.

I blame Hubby for my uncharacteristic love of comics. He collected them when he was young and I, when I was slowly losing my mind at home with baby Buddy full-time, started sorting through them. Hubby wanted to create an inventory of what he had, thinking he might like to sell them at some point. It was a big job. Hubby has over 5000 comics, all properly in plastic bags with backboards and stored standing up in acid-free boxes.

I started sorting through them but stopped when I came to the X-men comics. Hubby and I used to watch the X-men cartoon when we were in university (that and The Tick and Batman). I'd enjoyed it and liked the characters. I picked up Giant-Size X-Men #1 which was the 1st book in which the characters I was familiar with - Storm, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, etc... - appeared. I started reading and read straight through the entire series. I never did finish sorting the rest of the comics but an X-men fan was born.

Anyway...

Back to bugs.

We sometimes have earwigs hiding in our bathroom. They're actually harmless garden bugs who wander haplessly into the house at night (they're nocturnal) and then make their way to the bathroom because they favour dampness and the bathroom is our dampest room, naturally.

They're harmless to humans but they are so creepy and gross that they freak me out completely. I hate them. Hate. HATE.

So this morning I was cleaning the bathroom and sprayed glass cleaner on our oddly enormous bathroom mirror. Earwigs don't like soap. In fact soap is actually fairly deadly to them. In reaction to the cleaner deluge an earwigs ran out from behind the edging of the mirror. I was rubbing vigorously back and forth with my cloth, trying to scrub off the drops of toothpaste the kids had spit there (messy kids!). Out of the corner of my eye I noticed something fall off of the mirror and onto the floor between the vanity and the wall. "Damn it," I muttered, "I think that was an earwig."

I put my cloth down and looked down into the narrow opening. Sure enough, there hunched an earwig poised to attack. When earwigs are startled, they freeze and arch their backs so that the pincers on their bottoms stick menacingly up. I glared but I couldn't reach it where it was (if looks could kill). Figuring I could wait it out, I started to clean the vanity and accidentally knocked a tube of toothpaste off the side into the opening where the earwig was hiding. "Shit!"

I looked again into the opening and saw that the toothpaste had frightened the earwig so that it was making its way towards me. "That's right you little bastard," I told it, smiling in anticipation of the slaughter, "come on out here."

As the earwig made its way out of the opening on onto the floor of the bathroom I grabbed my cloth and slammed it down on the earwig over and over and over again. On the stereo Johnny Cash moaned, "Oh no I see a darkness, oh no I see a darkness, did you know how much I love you, is a hope that somehow you, can save me from this darkness..." The lights dimmed, lightning flashed. I picked up the carcass in my cloth and cackled a laugh as I disposed of it in the toilet.

Another victory.

Like Wolverine, I'm the best at what I do and what I do ain't pretty.

All Chirldren's Furniture Toy Giveaway

2009-07-24T10:19:00.016-04:00

I was contacted recently by CSN Stores and offered the opportunity to host a giveaway from their website www.AllChildrensFurniture.com.

I checked the site out. It has just about everything your kids might want for their bedroom or playroom. Super cool rugs, great toys, funky lamps, and my kids' number one wish for their own room right now: stylin' bunk beds. You name it, it can be found here.

So I asked my resident toy experts, Buddy and Monkey, to help me pick out a toy to giveaway. We were allowed to choose anything as long as it wasn't more than $55.00. After extensive research and discussion, we chose this:

The Step 2 Par 3 Mini Golf Course

This toy was listed as one of the Best Toys of the Year from Parents Magazine, 2007 and has a Three-Star Rating (highest rating) from the Canadian Toy Testing Council. Awesome!

This 21-piece set includes 3 straight courseways, 3 curved courseways, 3 unique greens, 3 flags, 3 obstacles (clown, spinner, & windmill), 2 putters, 2 golf balls, 1 starting plate and 1 tunnel. The courseways, greens and obstacles easily snap together and can be rearranged to create a variety of fairway setups.

The giveaway is open to Canadian and U.S. residents only (sorry everyone else! Not my rules). I'll leave it open until next Friday, July 31st and I'll choose the winner by random number generator and announce it on that day.

To enter:

1. One entry: Leave me a comment telling me which cool bunk beds I should choose for my boys.
2. Another entry: Blog about it using this code (just copy it here and paste it into a new post at your site, add whatever else you want to say, shake or stir, thrown in a few olives and voila: instant blogpost):

Make sure to come back and leave another comment telling me you blogged it and don't forget to make sure I can contact you.

And that, my friends, is all there is to it. Good luck!

Some Canadian Chicks Who Sing

2009-07-22T12:17:00.004-04:00

I want to share some of my favourite Canadian music with you. I love each and everyone of these songs written and performed by Canadian ladies. Canadian ladies just like me... except, you know, with talent and stuff.

Check 'em out:

The Good Lovelies, Lie Down

Beautiful harmonies and these chicks look like they have so much fun together.

Coeur De Pirate, Comme Des Enfants (Like Children)

Such a sweet song by la belle fille Québécoise (the beautiful girl from Quebec), Coeur de Pirate.

Julie Doiron, Swan Pond

I knew Julie when I was in university in Sackville, NB where I believe the swan pond in this song is located.

The Be Good Tanyas, The Littlest Birds

You might recognize this song because it was used in a Target ad. That doesn't stop it from being twelve kinds of awesome.

Let me know what you think!

xo

Blogging for People Who Don't Blog

2009-07-15T09:47:00.006-04:00

How do you explain blogging to people who don't blog?

I was driving with my sister-in-law last week when I noticed a small airplane taking off from a large body of water (we'll call it a river because that's what it was).

"Oh look!" I said, pointing.

She looked, "Cool!"

We sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the road.

I said, "I want to tell you that I know someone who can fly one of those but I really only know her through blogging. I read her blog, she's read my blog, we've emailed a few times. It's not like I know her in person."

She said, "Oh yeah? That's cool. I knew a guy in high school who already had his pilot's license."

"Really? I can't even imagine. I'd be terrified. I hate flying."

"Yeah. Me, too!"

Shortly after I was featured at SITS I was talking to my parents on the phone. I told them I'd been featured, I explained what SITS is and then I said, "And I had over 600 comments in one day!"

There was a long pause and then my dad said, "Wow! That's a lot of comments... isn't it?"

My mother-in-law was visiting a few weeks ago, shortly after I was featured. We were having breakfast and getting ready to go to an event. I checked my email and said, "Wow! It's been three days since I was featured and I'm still getting tons of blog comments. I have 45 new messages this morning. I won't read them all now, though, since we have to get ready."

She agreed, "No. Just check your personal ones."

"Well, they're all personal. They're blog comments." (T-shirt idea: "Blog Comments: It's personal")

"Well, you can certainly skip the spam," she told me.

"I don't have spam. I have blog comments."

She looked at me for a few minutes, shrugged and went back to her breakfast.

Later we were sitting together on the couch watching television. I had my computer on my lap and was reading a post by Kelly at Don Mills Diva (oddly the same blogger who can fly those airplanes that land on water - I think I might have a case of blogging mentionitis). Kelly's post told how her son came very close to being hit by a car in a parking lot at her local grocery store. I must have looked terrified because when my mother-in-law happened to glance over at me she asked, "What's wrong?"

I explained. She looked mystified.

I'm sure she wondered why I cared so much about someone I'd never even met.

It's just that I feel like I know the bloggers whose blogs I read. Especially those, like Kelly, who I read regularly and who have read my blog and who I've emailed with a few times (or more than a few times in some cases). It feels like a friendship, even though I've never met them in person.

My friends and family don't blog. Most of them don't even read my blog, much less anyone else's. They certainly don't view the relationship I have with my fellow bloggers as friendships. Some of my (real-life, live and in the flesh) friends don't even have internet at home (how do they live, I ask you?).

My friends and family just don't get it.

They think the whole thing is kind of weird, I'm sure.

And I find it awkward to talk about.

So, I ask you again, how do you explain blogging to people who don't blog?

Brothers and Girls

2009-07-13T11:55:00.009-04:00

I was tired this morning and decided I would treat myself to a little television while I drank my coffee. I curled up in my favourite corner of the couch and turned on Ellen. One of her guests was a 7 year old girl who plays the piano and composes her own music.

Emily Bear, 7 year old piano prodigy and Ellen*

Thinking that seeing a kid their own age who's such an accomplished musician would inspire Buddy and Monkey, I called to them in the dining room where they were eating breakfast: "Come and look at this, you guys. This girl is the same age as Buddy."

The boys watched as the little girl ran onto set and hugged Ellen. Buddy tilted his head to the left and said, "That girl is really pretty."

Monkey gave one of his big belly laughs and pointed at his brother, "Buddy loves that girl!"

Buddy shook his head, "I don't love her," he said. "I just think she's pretty."

On screen, the little girl sat down at the piano and started to play.

"Wow," I said, quite blown away.

Buddy looked at me, wrinkling up his nose, "What?"

"She's amazing!"

Both boys turned back to the television and watched her play for a few seconds, until they simultaneously lost interest and returned to their breakfasts.

I'm pretty sure they missed the point entirely. Oh well. At least you can't say I didn't try.

*Photo courtesy of Rockford Register Star

Canada Day

2009-07-01T11:29:00.002-04:00

Happy Canada Day!

We're off to eat timbits and visit some dinosaurs. Hope everyone has a canuck kind of day!

Look Mommy, We're Animals!

2009-06-30T10:30:00.002-04:00

Look at what my clever kids came up with all on their own:

A bunny and an owl.

Fat

2009-06-24T06:01:00.005-04:00

I don't usually feel fat.

I know, objectively speaking, that I am fat, it's just that I don't usually walk around feeling that way.

I was a skinny kid until I hit puberty and started gaining weight. I've been this size, the size I am now, since university except for a brief period in the mid-90's when I was bigger.

I felt fat then.

I was in my early twenties and, because I was only able to find clothes that fit me at plus-sized stores, I was forced to dress like a middle-aged librarian (not that middle-aged librarians are never stylish, but you know what I mean) . I was also out of shape and tired a lot of the time. I felt ugly and unlovable. I felt fat.

Then I totaled my car. I was rushing to work and blasted through a yellow light only to be confronted by a mini-van coming from the other direction and turning left across my lane. I swerved to avoid them, but hit them anyway. Smash! Crunch! You never forget that sound. Both cars did a full 360 before coming to a stop. No one was hurt. The mini-van was more or less okay. My poor little car, though, was a complete write-off. The front end was entirely smashed in.

After that I had to walk everywhere.

I lost weight.

My weight settled at what it is now. It settled in and bought curtains. It's been there ever since.

I'm still overweight but I don't usually feel fat. I'm smaller than I was. I'm able to shop and find clothes that fit in just about any store. I'm active and healthy.

Lately, though, I haven't been taking care of myself. It's been a stressful few months. I've been overeating. I haven't been getting to the gym. These things don't seem to make much of a difference to my weight but they do make a difference to how I feel.

I want to take better care of myself. I want to eat right and get to the gym. I want to feel good and healthy and strong.

And I'm worried that if I don't, I'll start to feel fat again.

Bless You

2009-06-22T10:00:00.004-04:00

Around 6am this morning Monkey crawled in bed with me and curled up in a small warm ball at my side. I rolled over, wrapped my arms around him and stuck my nose in his hair. It smelled like fresh air and mowed grass.

A few moments passed in silence. Then, as people so often do in the morning (or is that just me?), I farted.

Monkey patted my arm, snuggled in closer and said ,"Bless you, Mommy."

Itchy

2009-06-16T06:54:00.004-04:00

I told you how hard core the kids' soccer practice is in the rain. Yesterday's practice was hard core in an entirely different way.

I managed to get my SugarHoneyIcedTea together well enough to take the boys to soccer after missing last week because I was too busy packing for our move (which went very well, thank you for asking). I took a blanket and sat in the grass, periodically handing out drinks, snacks and hugs, while Monkey played soccer and Buddy ran around with his friends, climbing trees and frolicking on the play structure.

My hay fever was acting up making my face and neck itch and my nose and eyes run. I tried not to scratch or sniffle too much because I didn't want people to think I was weird.

Then I noticed a tickle on my chest. I pulled my shirt out and glanced down at my breasts. There was a bug running around in my bra. Gah!

A bug.

In my bra.

I hate bugs.

I panicked a bit, reached down my shirt and slapped at it until I was satisfied it was either dead or gone.

I sighed with relief and looked up to notice some parents and kids were walking past my blanket looking at me warily out of the corner of their eyes.

It suddenly dawned on me that I'd been sitting there with my hand down my shirt slapping my breasts.

So much for appearing normal.

Awkward

2009-06-11T11:08:00.004-04:00

I'm socially awkward in conversation with just about anybody. Usually I'm the most socially awkward person in the room.

Today, though, I came in contact with someone who is possibly even more socially awkward than I am.

I had some time to kill before Monkey's school concert this morning. I picked up a coffee and wandered into the drug store to look at the magazines. I perused the selection of wedding mags, Men's mags, parenting mags, fashion mags and hobby mags with little interest, then I noticed Psychology Today. I've always been interested in psychology and I miss the psych classes I was taking when we lived in NB. I decided to buy it and headed to the cash.

The cashier greeted me and scanned my magazine. While I riffled through my bag for my card, she checked out the cover of the magazine. The stories on the cover are all related to mental health with titles like: "The hard knocks survival guide", "5 friendship fixes", "A new view of life in utero" and "9 ways to overcome failure".

She looked them over then glanced at me obviously wondering what mental illness or life crisis I was suffering from that made me need this magazine. I laughed and said, "I haven't read it before so I can't even tell you what it's like."

She raised her eyebrows and said, "Okay..."

I handed her my card and she rang it through. I signed the receipt. She said, "Thank you."

I said, "You're welcome," as is my habit. You see, I always say 'you're welcome' in response to 'thank you' because I was trained to when I was in customer service at IBM and I still haven't fully recovered from their brainwashing. I realized 'you're welcome' was an odd thing to say to a cashier at the drug store so I added, "Thanks!"

She raised her eyebrows again and said, "Okay..."

I walked out the door chuckling.

I'm not sure if I'm more amused by her or if she's more put off by me. I think it's a wash, to tell the truth.

All together now: Okay...

Bleh

2009-06-05T08:55:00.003-04:00

While I was making lunches this morning I noticed that my sandwich meat package proclaims, "Great new taste!"

I find this worrying.

I might be climbing out on a branch of the crazy tree here, but I need to know - shouldn't ham taste like (oh I don't know... I'm just going to throw out the first thing that pops to mind) ham?

I mean, it tastes like ham now. I can't help wondering - what did it taste like before?

Bleh.

You Get This

2009-06-04T13:30:00.006-04:00

When you give a girl who has a lot to get done and a huge talent for procrastination a laptop for her birthday and she suddenly realizes she can take snapshots with the built in webcam, what do you get?

You get this:

What this button do? Cool!

And then you get this:

Yes. I really am that ridiculous.

Others Expect A Lot From You

2009-06-04T08:38:00.006-04:00

My horoscope this morning: Others expect a lot from you right now.

I feel bad for them. I really do.

I'm busy: We're moving a week from tomorrow and I'm responsible for everything that goes with that. I spend my days trying to pack and clean (I have to keep the house really clean in case the landlord wants to bring potential renters through) in between picking the kids up at school twice a day (Monkey is still in half days), making sure the kids aren't getting into thing they shouldn't and that they aren't hanging out windows or doing anything equally dangerous, making meals, letting the kids play outside and taking them to soccer, guitar lessons, gymnastics and swimming. I don't have a lot of extra time. Yesterday I spent the day running errands and cleaning. I didn't get any packing done and the house still looks like Amy Winehouse after a bad night.

I'm stressed: I have to take a French test soon because some parts of the program I've applied to at the local university are taught in French. J'ai la langue un peu rouiller (my French is a bit rusty, or if you want an exact translation: I have the tongue (or the language) a bit rusted). If I don't pass the French test I can't take the program. I have a meeting with the head of the faculty on Monday. The meeting is important. I still don't know if I'll get into the program.

I'm officially loosing it: Last night, after a frustrating day of running errands and cleaning and not finding the time to get any packing done, I was getting ready to take the boys to soccer. I fed them supper, did homework, packed their snacks, grabbed extra sweaters and sent them downstairs to get their shoes on. I went downstairs to get them into the car and remembered I hadn't grabbed their jerseys. I went back upstairs to look for them and found them still wet in the washing machine. I freaked out for a few mintues then I ran upstairs (we live in a 3 floor townhouse - garage and entryway on the 1st floor, living area on the 2nd and bedrooms on the 3rd) to try to find t-shirts in the team colours that the boys could wear instead. At that point we needed to leave immediately or we'd be late but when I arrived back downstairs the kids still hadn't put on their long sleeved shirts or their shoes. I lost it. I yelled, "Why are you not ready yet? WHY?" then I stomped back upstairs, threw my purse and keys across the room, yelled, "I'm not going anywhere," and went to bed. After a few minutes of laying on my face practicing deep breathing, I got up and yelled down to Hubs, "If you want them to go to soccer YOU take them." He had been planning to go and mow the lawn at the new house, but he took the kids to soccer instead.

I watched TV in bed and fell asleep at 10:30pm, or so. I woke up at 1:30am needing to pee and couldn't get back to sleep. I kept thinking of everything that needed to get done and what steps I needed to take to get it done. I pictured myself getting the packing done: filling boxes, taping and labeling them, sorting items to be taken over to the new house ahead of the move and taking down curtains and filling the holes left by the screws. I pictured myself getting started on the painting at the new house: painting the baseboards first, letting them dry then dusting the walls and rolling on tinted primer followed by the paint. I pictured myself taking down the ugly wallpaper in the kitchen and fixing the damaged paint in the bathroom. I pictured moving in and where I'd place the furniture. I pictured myself, after the move, returning to our current house and leaving it nice and clean. I pictured taking the French test and enrolling in the intensive French course in August. I pictured my upcoming interview: answering questions cleverly in French and English. I finally managed to relax and fall back asleep at around 6:30am. Hubby woke me up at 7:45. I made lunches and sent all my guys off to work and school.

Now if I can only rock everything as well as I pictured myself doing last night.

There's just one problem: I'm so tired from all that over night visualizing that I probably won't get much done today, even if I try.

Damn it. Foiled again. Stupid brain. Stupid stress. Stupid me.

Wet

2009-06-02T09:14:00.010-04:00

I took the kids to soccer in the rain yesterday.

When we left home it was barely raining; just a light drizzle. As the evening wore on it became a full-on downpour. Monkey's age group played first. They had a great time running around in the wet, muddy grass. Buddy joined in with Monkey's team for a while until his shoes were squelchy wet. Buddy was not impressed with the feeling of wet shoes and sat with me until it was time for his age group to play.

As Buddy's game started, Monkey found Buddy's best friend's mom, who was sitting under an umbrella and curled up in her lap where it was dry. She told him knock knock jokes and he repaid her with his big belly laughs. Buddy ran around after the ball in his squelchy shoes, his t-shirt changing from light to dark gray as the rain fell. For the second half of his game Buddy was in goal. He stood, shoulders hunched, shoes wet, with water dripping off of his hair and down his face until the end of the game. The ball didn't come anywhere near him.

For two hours, I stood on the sidelines with water dripping off of my hat onto my nose and off of my jacket and sinking into my jeans, watching the kids play. Gradually, I realized I hadn't been that cold, wet and miserable since 1993. 1993, frosh week, Shinerama to be exact. My Shinerama group was sent to do a car wash in the rain. A car wash on a rainy day is a wet, wet place.

We were car wash on a rainy day wet last night. We were iceberg cold.

By the end of Buddy's game the kids were miserable and I was asking myself why we'd stayed as long as we did. I encouraged the frozen, dripping children across the field and into the car by telling them we were super heroes and the rain was the bad guy and we weren't going to let the bad guy stop us, were we? "I can't do it!" Monkey wailed, dragging his feet. It looked like the bad guys had won. But Buddy, a true super hero, took Monkey's hand and pulled him along while I struggled with the bag of extra jackets and snacks and the two lawn chairs which were, by then, too wet to sit on. We made it to the car, I buckled Monkey into his seat and turned the heat on full blast.

At home I put the boys in a warm bath and I sat on the edge of the tub with my feet in the water. Warm at last.

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this soccer mom thing. It's crazy hard core.

Another Year Older and Wiser and Older

2009-05-31T09:37:00.004-04:00

Yesterday morning I opened my eyes and rolled over in bed. The house was quiet but it was light outside the window. I sat up to check the clock on Hubby's bedside table. It said: 7:00am. I sighed and fell back on my pillow.

I stared out the window for a few minutes, watching the leaves in the trees blow in the wind and listening to the rain fall. I turned and nestled close to Hubby. His eyes were still closed.

"I'm older," I whispered in case he was still asleep.

He turned towards me and said, "Just by a day."

"No, I've added a new number to my age. I'm older."

He doesn't understand it's psychological.

I tried to explain to him later in the day, after the rain stopped and the sun came out, that aging is harder for women than it is for men. Men, as they get older, get more respect. They become distinguished and experienced. Women, on the other hand, just get old.

I understand that I'm not old yet. I understand that 34 is still young.

But I can't quite help feeling like I'm running out of time.

When I woke up yesterday morning I was older.

That's all there is to it.

But at least I got to have cake. I got to have cake and hang out with these guys:

Life is good, even if I am getting older.

Chocolate Cake Craving or How My Hormones Hate Me

2009-05-29T18:56:00.009-04:00

I have my period.

If that's how people are describing it nowadays. It sounds very junior high to me: I can't fill in whatever random activity here because (whispering with eyes darting side to side) I have my period.

I mean to say I'm menstruating.

I used to have very few side effects with menstruation. My period would come and it would go, no problem. No cramps, no headaches, no backaches, no problems.

I started taking the pill when I was 19. I took it right up until I decided to try to get pregnant with my first baby. After Buddy was born I went back on the pill and, for the first time, it was all about the side effects. It made me dry, you know, (shhh...) down there and it killed my libido (which takes away the whole point of being on the pill in the first place). I talked to my Doctor and she switched me to a lower dose pill and the side effects mostly went away.

Then, after I had Monkey I went back on the pill again and started having migraines. The fist one was horrible. For days I was incapacitated with extreme dizziness. I threw up. I threw up again. I tried lying in bed, but every time I closed my eyes the room would tilt. So I tried not to close my eyes. Light and sound were painful. When I stood up the dizziness would make me vomit. I was a mess. I finally asked Hubby to drive me to the emergency room.

At the hospital they told me I had a migraine and they prescribed super-pain killers. These were pills that were meant for arthritis sufferers, but which were also effective for migraines. I took a pill and half an hour later I felt better. I was very lightheaded, but the pain was gone. The sudden lack of pain made me feel euphoric, it was such a relief.

It took us awhile to figure out that the migraines coincided each month with the week-long break on the 28day cycle pill. When the drugstore suddenly started running out of my brand of pill my doctor prescribed a slightly stronger version. I filled the prescription, but couldn't bring myself to take it. I talked to Hubby and told him I didn't want to keep taking it. He agreed and I stopped taking the pill.

I haven't had a migraine since. Not one.

But since then I've had side effects with my period. I get depressed for a few days before it starts. I mean deeply sad, energy-less, uninterested in the things that would usually interest me: depressed. All I want to do is sit very still and possibly, in my more active moments, stare at stuff. As soon as my period actually starts, I'm fine - back to my usually fairly cheerful self. Those few days, though, are miserable.

My period started this morning. I'm feeling fine emotionally after a few days of feeling heartbroken.

But right now I'm craving chocolate cake.

My Shop on Facebook

2009-05-28T19:43:00.001-04:00

I just added Lulu's Hook to Facebook.

Want to become a fan?

It would make me happy if you did.

Thanks!

Here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lulus-Hook/112486245169?ref=nf

New Crochet Stuff

2009-05-28T14:11:00.010-04:00

I haven't been able to upload pictures of my crochet stuff in awhile because my computer's been refusing to recognize my camera and my cell phone and just about anything else I plug into it - cds, dvds, the printer, the ipod, you name it. Stupid computer. Hubby uploaded the pictures onto his computer and then put them in a picasa web album. Most of them are there but some of them didn't upload properly. The whole thing has been very frustrating.

All that aside, I finally have some pictures and so, without further ado, whining or excuses, here are some pictures of my most recent crochet stuff:

Mohawk Eyeball Alien

Eyeball Ball Alien

Amigurumi Bumble Bee

Bamboo Silk Sunhat

Pink Sunhat

This is actually the first item I sold in my shop. So, yay for the pink sunhat.

Granny Square Baby Blanket

Circles Baby Blanket and Matching Hat

Granny Squares Baby Blanket

Let me know what you think.

Dears and Deers

2009-05-27T14:11:00.012-04:00

Last weekend we drove through a park where you can feed some animals carrots through the windows of your car. The animals, which are loose in large pens that you drive through mostly consist of a collection of local wildlife, like deer and wild pigs. There are also pens with coyotes, bears and wolves which you drive past. The deer and wild pigs gather around the car and you pass them the carrots through the car windows. The car was covered in deer drool when we got home at the end of the day. EW! But it was worth it because the kids had such a great time.

There were also some lovely walking trails where the kids got to visit with some white tail deer.

And this is a completely unrelated picture of me and the boys in front of a random magnolia bush. Just because I like it and I think you will too.

A Higher Power, Fate or the Universe

2009-05-26T08:59:00.007-04:00

We were supposed to be moving to Toronto in August for Hubs' new job. We'd already started looking at places to live and planning our lives there.

I was supposed to be starting school at U of T in September. I worked hard to get into the program and I was so excited to have been accepted.

But it's not gonna happen.

Hubby's job in Toronto fell through. Blame the economy - it's totally its fault.

We found out a few weeks ago. At first I was devastated. No job meant NO JOB. No job meant no income. No job meant: Oh my God! What in the holy hell on a hockey stick are we going to do now?

I pictured us having to move back to New Brunswick and live in my mother-in-law's basement. I pictured us all jumbled in together trying our best not to get on each others nerves and failing spectacularly; trying to keep the kids under control so that they wouldn't destroy the paint job and the furniture; trying to decide, four adults together - all control freaks - what to have for meals every evening. I imagined a crowded, passive-aggressive nightmare in which we'd all try to live together in harmony while hiding our seething rage and stress under tight smiles.

But that's not going to happen either.

It wasn't long before Hubby was exploring job opportunities in Halifax, Toronto and locally. His best leads were here, where we've been living for the past year. We talked about it and decided staying was probably best for the family. It's lovely here and the kids are settled in school and have great friends. Hubs and I have also formed friendships with people. We know where the good restaurants and shopping are. We've figured out the best routes for getting around. We have memberships to several of the local museums. We're happy here.

The decision was still devastating for me, though. What about school? I started working on getting into the Masters of Information Studies program years ago - upgrading and finding references. I was so excited to have been accepted at a school which, if it isn't the best, is among the best of the Canadian universities. I freaked out for awhile (there might have been tears and heartfelt soliloquies, but I'll never admit it) then I took some deep breaths and went online to the local university website to see what they had to offer. I was surprised to find that, starting in September this year, for the first time, they are going to be offering a Masters of Information Studies program.

Starting in September this year.

For the first time.

Just for me, apparently.

Amazing.

I got my application in right away. I'm waiting to hear if I'm accepted or not. After applying to U of T and waiting anxiously to hear and finally finding out I'd been accepted, it's hard to have to wait and not know all over again . I can't take my acceptance into the program for granted, I'm not guaranteed a spot. It's scary because I want it so much.

Changes, man - stressful stuff. I've been roll-around-on-the-floor-kicking-and-screaming-while gnashing-teeth-and-ripping-hair stressed for weeks. But everything seems to be falling into place in an amazing way: the local university is offering my program, Hubby found a job, we found a little house we like in the catchment area for the boys' school. As long as I get into the program at the school and manage to find daycare for the boys; as long as Hub's new job doesn't fall through; as long as things stay the course, then this has worked out for the better. Life is going to be downright peachy.

And, I gotta tell ya, if everything does fall into place it will be such an amazing series of events that I might just have to start believing in a higher power, fate or the universe.

I Want This

2009-05-21T17:13:00.004-04:00

I want this t-shirt:

Although, I don't know when I'd wear it. It doesn't go with anything I own - all my other clothes are much more polite and far less indicative of what I'm generally thinking.

On the List of Irritating Things, This Ranks High

2009-05-21T09:46:00.003-04:00

My hay fever is making my ear canals itch.

Itchy ear canals are very irritating.

And hard to scratch.

It Only Has to Happen Once

2009-05-20T21:12:00.003-04:00

Hubs and I were having lunch together yesterday. I opened the fridge to grab the cheese (sounds like a euphemism for something naughty, doesn't it - 'Grab the cheese'? But, alas, I was simply in need of some dairy) and noticed a Tangerine Spritzer. I grabbed it and the cheese and put them on the table near my plate.

"I'm going to drink that," I said, pointing to the spritzer.

Hubs looked up from where he was spreading cheese on saltine crackers and topping them each with a single goldfish cracker, and nodded.

I sat down, picked up the can, checked the ingredients and admired its pretty orange colour. "Spritzer is just such a fun word."

"Yeah. It is."

"Would you like one?" I asked. "I've got a strawberry one in the fridge I could settle for. You could have the tangerine."

Hubs shook his head, "No thanks. Tangerine does sound interesting but I think I'll stick to tea." (Honestly! Sometimes he's such a grown-up.)

"Alright then," I said and popped open the can. I took a sip, "It's good. I think I'll pour it into a glass."

"Because it's just that fancy?"

"No, because I want to make sure there aren't any fingers in it."

Hubs laughed. "I don't think that happens very often."

I looked at him for a long moment. "It only has to happen once." I poured my drink into a glass and held it up as proof. "See? No fingers."

The Places in my Head

2009-05-20T09:35:00.008-04:00

According to Facebook my mind is like a forest: I am "very positive but in a way completely crazy." Although, to be honest, in what way that's like a forest I couldn't tell you.

This is a picture of my mind taken just five minutes ago:
If you decide to take a stroll please stay on the boardwalk so you don't crush any of my little thought plants. Thanks.

According to my horoscope I should enjoy the possibilities of my imagination. So I'm off to Tahiti in my mind. You should now picture me staring off into the middle distance with a relaxed, dazed look on my face while elevator music plays to keep you entertained until I return; perhaps Girl From Ipanema: Duh dada da dadada d'dah duh dada da dadada d'dah.

Physically, I am right in front of you but my mind is here:
All thanks to the possibilities of my imagination.

And that is the sum total of what I've managed to achieve today.

Well, that AND two cups of coffee.

Edited to ad: Um... make that three cups of coffee AND I got dressed. Things are lookin' up. Sure 'nough.

Part of the 2%

2009-05-01T13:29:00.006-04:00

Recess at school, I was playing alone on the swing set. I liked to swing high enough so that I could jump off and go flying through the air. I was good at landing on my feet.

A group of the big grade 6 girls came over and grabbed the chains my swing was hanging from. It wobbled awkwardly before it came to a stop. I had to hang on tight to keep from falling.

The prettiest girl, their obvious leader, placed herself in front of me and crossed her arms, "Do you know who Prince is?"

I thought about it. "The prince? Like from Cinderella?" I asked.

"Not the prince, Prince. Prince is his name. Do you know who he is?"

"No. Who is he?"

She looked at her friends, who were standing on either side of me towering over my swing, and rolled her eyes. "She doesn't know," she told them. They laughed.

"Who is Prince?" I asked.

"If you don't know we're not going to tell you," she said. Her friends let go of my swing and they walked away.

I went back to swinging.

---

I was playing with a kid I'd just met on the swings at school.

I asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?"

"What do you think?"

"Well," I tilted my head to the side and thought about it, "You have short hair, blue clothes and a dirty face. I think you're a boy. Are you a boy?"

"I'm not telling."

"Okay."

We continued swinging in silence for a few minutes. Then my new friend said, "I found a harmonica on the playground. It's shaped like a ladybug. Want to see it?"

"Sure," I took the harmonica and blew a descending scale of notes. They sparked an idea.

"I know," I said, "let's play with it on the slide."

"Yeah, okay."

We jumped off the swings and ran to the slide, where we spent the rest of the lunch break taking turns playing notes down the scale as we slid down the slide.

---

I was playing tag with a group of kids when a couple of them cornered me.

"You ask her."

"No you ask her."

Turning to me, "Do you know who Jesus is?"

"No."

"You don't know who Jesus is?"

"No."

"She doesn't know who Jesus is."

"She's dumb."

"Yeah." She reached out and tagged my arm, "You're it," she said.

They turned and ran off, giggling, and I ran after them.

---

He said, "Come with me, I want to show you the what the DP club is."

The DP club was a secret club the local boys had been bragging about all summer. It was No Girls Allowed. My friends and I, being girls, felt left out of the secret. Now that he'd offered to show me, I wasn't going to miss my chance to find out what it was all about. I jumped down off of the deck behind my house, where I'd been playing Barbies with my friends, to follow him.

He led me to his house, into the garage and down some stairs. He opened a door and we went inside. It was a small basement room with concrete walls and floor and no windows. The walls were lined with unfinished wooden shelves that held jars and jars of dill pickles.

"This is the Dill Pickle club head quarters," he said, gesturing to the pickles.

"What do you do here?"

"We just hang out."

"That's it?" I was disappointed. I'd pictured something much more elaborate, with code names and secret handshakes.

"Pretty much," he said, leaning towards me, "If you give me a kiss I'll let you leave."

I squinted my eyes and raised my chin. "If you don't let me out of here right now, I'm going to scream and scream. You know your mom will hear me."

He put his hands up in surrender and moved aside. I slid past him and ran home to tell my friends what a big disappointment the DP club had been.

---

It was March break and we had invited a few friends from out of province to come home with us for the week. They all piled into my little car and I climbed in behind the wheel, stretched my right foot out towards the pedals, tucked my left leg up with the heel lodged firmly between the door and the seat, placed my right hand on the gear shift and my left hand loosely on the steering wheel - my standard driving pose.

From the back seat my friend said, "You look very comfortable there, Melanie."

"Really? What do you mean?" I asked.

She shrugged, "Just that you look very comfortable."

"In what way?"

"I don't know. I just noticed and I thought I'd point it out."

---

I was walking with another girl who lived in the same residence building as me. We were chatting about mundane, everyday things.

She laughed at something I said and told me, "You're so funny, Melanie."

"But I wasn't trying to be funny."

"I know. You just are, though. You're so funny."

"Really? Like in what way?"

"Oh, I don't know... You just are, I guess. I've never met anyone like you."

"Well, I didn't mean to be funny," I told her.

She rolled her eyes. "Never mind," she said.

We finished our walk in silence.

----

My friend sent me an internet quiz. I answered a series of questions, the last few asked me to choose a country that started with the letter D, an animal whose name started with the last letter in the name of the country I'd chosen and a fruit that started with the last letter of the type of animal I'd chosen. I chose the Dominican Republic, a cobra and an apple.

The quiz concluded by saying: 'Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange? If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.'

I emailed my friend, saying, "Nope, I was thinking of a cobra in the Dominican Republic eating an apple. Guess I'm in the two percent of weird people. Colour me not surprised."

To which she replied, "I thought maybe you might be part of the 2%!"

----

Your Dose of Happy for Today

2009-05-01T11:35:00.002-04:00

Adorable pictures of babies: Click here.