January 27, 2010

Skeezy is for Cool People

I think I have a work wife.

Definition from Urban Dictionary: Work Wife - That person at work (same or opposite sex) that takes the place of your "at home" spouse while you are at work (no sexual relationship is part of this being!) You talk with, connect to, and relate to this person as good as or better than your "at home" spouse with regards to all things work related.

Snotty aside: the problem with using this definition is that it makes me want to edit it. With my edits it would be: A person of the same or opposite sex who takes the place of your at home spouse while you are at work (there is no sexual component to this relationship). You talk, connect, and relate to this person as well as or better than your at home spouse regarding all things work related.

The only other thing I would add is that you don't need to have a spouse 'at home' in order to have a spouse at work. So my further edit is as follows: A work colleague of either gender with whom one shares a non-sexual connection similar to the companionship aspect of marriage.

Or something like that.

But of course, in my case, it's a school spouse I have, rather than a work wife. School is funny like that. You're thrown together for large chunks of time with people you naturally have stuff in common with. Friendships happen. Even to weirdos like me.

On the very first day of school, I rushed into class 5 minutes late and frazzled and grabbed the chair closest to the door. Sitting next to me was Erika, the woman who would one day become my work wife.

When did I know it was meant to be?

It was when Erika uttered the phrase "skeezy is only for cool people."

It was after class one day, soon after we'd met. Erika and I were chatting as we made our way to the parking lot. We were discussing mullets.

"I'm not a big fan," I said. "In fact, I think they're really skeezy."

Erika stopped walking and turned to stare at me.

"Wait. Stop," she said.


"Where did you hear that word? Is that just an Ontario thing?"

"What word? Skeezy?"

"Yeah. I used that word once with a friend who's not from Ontario and she said she'd never heard it before."

"Oh. It's definitely not just an Ontario thing. I think I got it from Buffy" (Side note: I know exactly where I got it and it was from Buffy, from the musical episode - Zander and Anya's song I'll Never Tell, from the lyrics "He snores. She wheezes. Say "housework," and he freezes. She eats these Skeezy cheeses that I can't describe." I just didn't want to share that level of Buffy knowledge that early in our relationship).

"Oh okay," Erika said, nodding her head with dawning, slightly wry, understanding. "It's not just for Ontarians... it's just for cool people."


My appreciation of Erika's wry sense of humor was cemented by this gmail chat exchange about our 8:30am class:

me: good night
à demain
you know...


Erika: meh.

I'll be there with bells on

me: cool
very musical of you.

i'll be wearing pants

Erika: wow.

we're both trying out new things

Yes. Erika is funny. And because we have all the same classes there are days each week when I spend more time with her than I do with what the urban dictionary definition refers to as my "at home" spouse, and my "at home" children (happily I haven't yet adopted any 'at work' children - I can only assume they would be colleagues who expect me to make their meals and clean up their messes). We have stuff in common. We have a growing list of inside jokes (involving things like whether we've ever been to the library, mustaches and sarcasm). Our conversations consist of what can only be described as banter. If that's not the makings of a beautiful work spouse relationship, I don't know what is.

I haven't officially asked Erika to be my spouse yet. I plan on popping the question later on today and offering her a box of printer paper, as that is the traditional offering when one is proposing to one's potential work spouse. Wish me luck!


Just as an after thought:

My horoscope today says: Your life feels as if it's slowing down, but you may wish for a return to the simplistic noise from the more complex quietness.

'The simplistic noise from the more complex quietness?'


What does that even MEAN?

Do you know what I'd really like? I'd really like to return to the simplistic clarity from the more similar comparisons. Thanks.


January 25, 2010

So Busted!

Oh HI! Thanks for stopping by!

What are you doing out there?


Oh you are so busted.

Yes. Just more silliness with my webcam. This is what happens when I have stuff due - I procrastinate by taking goofy pictures of myself and then I share them with you because, apparently, I have no shame.

And, as a bonus: Here's my impression of Beaker from the Muppets:

Not bad, right?

Okay... off to edit my assignment, I've made enough of a fool of myself for one day.


I Heart Faces Texture Challenge

So the I Heart Faces challenge this week is texture.

And since I want to play along, here's my entry:

It's au naturel because, dude, I don't even OWN photoshop. I wish I did, but I don't. So this picture is AS IS. But I think it's a pretty good entry anyway. I mean look at it, it's just FULL of blankety texture. And a cute kids with an adorable smile (if I do say so myself).

So there you go. Texture & faces.

Challenge offered, challenge met.


January 24, 2010

Belated Christmas Picture

I took my camera with me when we visited family at Christmas.

But I only pulled it out of my bags once, late on Christmas eve.

Which makes me a bad blogger with no pictures to share. Except one.

But I don't care because, seriously, how cute is this?


He's sound asleep in a Santa hat... On Christmas eve... With all his stuffed friends... And his blue blanket that his granny made for him!

This kid does cute like it's his job.


January 22, 2010

har har har


It is so weird when the phone rings...

from behind me...

and I'm sitting on the couch so that the only thing behind me is...

the couch cushions.

And I look around all like WTF?

And then I have to dig for it.

And I don't even LIKE talking on the phone.

That is seriously SO WEIRD.


We lost a bunch of Buddy's sweaters so we made a trip to the lost and found box at his school, which smells REALLY bad, by the way. I think something died in there.

So we looked through the lost and found and we found... wait for it!

THREE of his sweaters. THREE!

That's a lot.


And one more thing. You guys suck at telling me why I'm a rock star (see previous post if you have no idea what I'm talking about)... but I love you anyway.



Quirky Says I'm a Rock Star, So It Must Be True

The wonderful Quirky from Quirky is a Compliment has awarded me this:

Quirky's blog is so much fun! You should head over there right now to see what Quirky is up to. Hmmm.... Looks like today she's making a mat out of shelf liner and polished stones. Cool! Or in Quirky's words "This is the part where you ooooh and awww appreciatively. If you want to break out into spontaneous song, I'm okay with that too." Heh. Funny lady, that Quirky.

So, yes. Pay her a visit. Tell her I said hi.

According to the rules for this award I am now supposed to tell you why I am a rock star.

1. I was really tired this morning but I still got out of bed and made all my guys a healthy lunch and searched out all their hats and mittens and backpacks and work-bags and wallets and hockey-related sweaters (It's the local hockey team's theme day at school, so the boys needed their sweaters with the local hockey team's logo, or at least clothes in team colours).

2. I like to sing really loud and dance in my car. I don't care who sees me.

3. If you were here, I would buy you a coffee.

4. I have no idea what else to say.

5. This is point number five to nicely round off the list. You're welcome.

I don't know why I'm a rock star, to tell you the truth... but Quirky said I was so it must be true.

And in a shameless bid for flattery I'm going to ask you to tell me why I'm a rock star. Or tell me why I'm not a rock star if you'd rather. Talk to me people - I'm all alone and there are wolves after me.

PS "I'm all alone and there are wolves after me" is the only Simpsons' quote I will ever use on this blog, I promise. Also, I must confess that, while it's true I'm alone (singing: I'm all alone, there's nobody here besiiiide me), it is not true that there are wolves after me. In fact, there is a serious LACK of wolves here in my urban bungalow... much to my boundless delight, let me assure you.

Oh yeah! I want to pass this on to:

Erin at The Mother Load for her honesty and for having the guts to try vlogging and The Nag on the Lake for being awesome in all ways.

So, yes... Why is Melanie a rock star? or Why is Melanie NOT a rock star? Discuss. Or if you prefer discuss something else. I don't mind. Up to you.


January 20, 2010

Okay, I Admit I Need to Do Better

I've been a crappy blogger these past months.

Over the summer I was so focused on writing well and telling stories. Now I just toss any old thing up here because I don't have time to go down the story telling rabbit hole and really lose myself in narrative. Or whatever, you know what I mean. Don't you?

Returning to school has taken up a lot of my focus... Writing academically takes up a lot of my will to concentrate. And I still have two little boys who rely on me. So that takes up a lot of my free time (not that I'm complaining. I love those boys).

But there's a problem. I don't want my blog to suck. And I don't want you to go away. And I want you to start commenting again (because you've definitely stopped, most of you).

I want to do better. I want to write posts that are actually worth reading and commenting on. And then when you comment, I want to return the favour by visiting your spectacular blogs and commenting in return.

So I'm going to try to be better. It's a New Years resolution, I guess.

So, there you go.


January 15, 2010

Turns Out I Don't Know Everything

Buddy: Mom did you know that Marvel is better than DC?

Mom: What? I don't think that's necessarily true. Sure, we like Spiderman and the X-men, but what about Superman? What about Wonder Woman? Hey! What about the Flash? Flash is very cool.

Monkey: Yeah! Flash is super fast like ZOOOM!

Buddy: Yeah, but Sonic is faster.

Monkey: No he's not! Flash is faster.

Buddy: Sonic can run faster than a car!

Monkey: Flash too! Mommy? Who's faster, Sonic or Flash?

Mom: I'm not sure, honey. I think Flash might be faster. Do you remember that episode of the Justice League where that bad guy took over Flash's body? Do you remember how much trouble he caused and how hard it was for the Justice League to catch him?

Buddy and Monkey: Yeah!

Mom: Well, I think Flash has to hold back a lot. He can't go as fast as he can all the time because he could very easily hurt people and he doesn't want to do that because he's a good guy.

Buddy and Monkey: Yeah!

Mom: Sonic doesn't have to worry about that because he doesn't live in a pseudo-realistic world, like Flash. Flash lives in Metropolis and Sonic lives in a video game world where the laws of physics don't apply in the same way.

Buddy: What video game world?

Mom: I don't know, wherever it is that Sonic lives.

Buddy: Oh yeah! Like Mario!

Mom: Exactly like Mario.


Buddy: Mom, who's your favourite character on Justice League?

Mom: Hmmm. I think Batman is the most impressive because he doesn't actually have super powers, he just has physical fitness, intellect and gadgets, but he manages to keep up with and sometimes even outdo the other characters.

I wouldn't want to be Batman, though, he's too troubled. I'd rather be Flash. Flash has a lot of fun and he's also very powerful. I know that super speed doesn't sound that great on paper, but you've seen what Flash can do. I mean, he can cause tornadoes! Very cool.

I also really like Wonder Woman. She represents for the ladies. Plus I like the whole Amazonian Princess angle.

Oh and John Johns is very cool, but kind of unrelatable being a Martian n'all.

Superman is too goody-two-shoes for me.

Who's your favourite?

Buddy: Flash! He's really fast!


Monkey, crawling in bed with me this morning: Mom! Did you know that walruses are heavier than polar bears?

Mom: Walruses are heavier? Really? No, I didn't know that.

Monkey: You didn't know?

Mom: Nope.

Monkey: Really?

Mom: Yup.

Monkey: Dad! Dad! Mom didn't know that walruses are heavier than polar bears. I'm smarter than mom! Way smarter than mom!


Apparently there's a hole in my boy-related knowledge. I know all about super heroes, legos, star wars, video games... But I don't know about walruses.

Good thing I'm back in school.


January 11, 2010

My Brain is Working Not So Much

This is my brain:

This is my brain on grad school:

I apparently lost the ability to string coherent sentences together over the holidays.

I have two short papers due tomorrow.

Hold me.


January 8, 2010

All About You

I want to know more about you. The following 5 questions were compiled by a team of (imaginary) social psychologists - experts in the field of human behaviour. These questions were found, based on years of research, testing and social experiments, to be those most likely to allow me to understand who you are and what makes you tick.

I look forward to learning all about you.

You can answer the question in the comments here or at grab the questions for a post at your blog (because they are just that good, the social psychologists really outdid themselves)... If you take them to your blog, don't forget to leave a link to the post in the comments.

1. How often do you clean your baseboards?

2. What is on your bedside table?

3. Of the pictures and other decoraty stuff hanging on the walls in your home, describe your favourite. Why is it your favourite?

4. What song do you remember with nostalgia from when you were young? A lullaby? A song you danced to with your first boy/girlfriend? A solo you sang in choir? The first rock anthem of your teenage rebelion?

5. Do you think Jude Law is hotter with our without a mustache? See pictures below:



Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. I also want to thank my team of (imaginary) social psychologists - thank you boys! (why are the social psychologists in my head all men? weird)


Just a quick blog-related note.

I had to turn on word verification for the comments. The spam bots were out of control. I apologize to my real, non spam bot, readers. I know how annoying word verification is. I hope you'll still comment.


January 7, 2010

The Future is Now

I heard on the radio this morning that scientists have invented a new jet fuel that cuts the travel time between Earth and Mars down from 7 months to 40 days.

People, welcome to the future!

Not that Mars is anyone's dream destination, mind you. It's cold and there's no air. I say that, but I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'm no scientist... I checked it out, though, and according to Wikipedia, the atmosphere on Mars only contains traces of Oxygen. There's also no water.

So yeah... if you like to be alive, Mars is not the place to be.

Plus it's not exactly scenic is it?

In other news, airports are introducing those new scanning machines. Apparently they work very much like Superman's x-ray vision - they see through your clothes. Except they use something called T-rays, which we can only assume pity the fool who tries to smuggle explosives or other weapons onto a plane.

The news report said that people think the T-ray scanners are too intrusive. I don't think so. As far as I'm concerned, if they mean shorter wait times at airports and a stronger guarantee of not exploding in the air, I'm all for them. Also, they have to be less intrusive than a strip search, which is their alternative. I mean, look at that image... You can see all the guy's weapons, but you can't see his junk or whether he's got cartoon characters on his underwear. What's intrusive about that?

Also, regarding the image, I can understand why he's got a knife and a couple of guns if he's up to no good, but why does he have a dildo on his shoulder? This guy is definitely suspicious.

Yes. The scanners are good. I give them a win. Install them now, I'll wait.


January 5, 2010

It's Winter, Get a Clue and Some Warm Clothes

Dear woman I saw crossing the street with difficulty today,

Your puffy white jacket, which is too short to cover your lower back, and your high heeled boots do not make you look stylish or sexy; they make you look like a moron. This is not a fashion show, this is the Canadian winter. It it cold, windy, wet, snowy, slippery and muddy out there. Get yourself some winter boots, a parka, some gloves, a scarf and a hat if you have to walk around outside. You're going to get frostbite on your upper ass and those boots make you walk like an over-the-hill penguin - not a good look.


The Canadian Wintertime Outerwear Fashion Police (CWOFP - pronounced 'Kwofop'), a special Canadian branch of the International Fashion Police (IFP).

Acceptable Canadian Winter Outerwear:


January 3, 2010

The Blog in 2009

Last year, about this time, I stole an idea from Under the Mad Hat to sum up the year by taking the first sentence from the first blog post of each month of 2008. It was fun. So much fun, in fact, that I'm going to do the same thing now for 2009.

Mad isn't blogging at Under the Mad Hat anymore, but you can still get your fill of her brilliance at her new blog about children's literature: Mouse Traps and the Moon, which I just realized I mistakenly called "Mouse Traps on the Moon" in my previous post. Oops! Sorry about that.

So, here is the year 2009 as summed up by the opening sentences of each month - proving 2009's yearness and my frivolity all in one fell swoop. Enjoy!

January: Last night I was just drifting off to sleep when the screaming started.

February: So far this week: - stomach flu - ear infections - fever - missing school - missing work - absence from blogs - painful stepping upon of legos - a visit to the doctor - and just now? I was fixing some Campbell's soup and it splattered into my eye.

: I just got an email telling me I've been accepted to the Masters of Information Studies program at U of T for next year.

April: Hi there.

May: Recess at school, I was playing alone on the swing set.

June: I took the kids to soccer in the rain yesterday.

July: Happy Canada Day!

August: Just so I can draw your attention to it: Check out my blog.

September: On the morning I managed to take control of my panic attacks Hubby and I were waiting in a hallway outside of the administrative offices of the Toronto college where I was studying Travel and Tourism, waiting to hand in my student loan and pay my tuition.

October: I'm supposed to be working on my research paper.

: I just ate a bowl of cereal.

December: This week's I Heart Faces photo challenge is "I Heart Tooshies" - photos taken from behind the subject.

And what have we learned from this exercise?

That I need to work on my opening lines. April's is especially brilliant, don't you think? And don't overlook November's. Yeesh. How embarrassing.

And since that isn't embarrassing enough, here's the last picture taken of me in 2009. This lovely ode to the holidays was snapped by my dad as I started gathering and organizing our stuff in my parents' dining room so that I could pack our bags before hitting the road to make the 12 hour drive back home.

Fa la lalala la la la laaaa

Aaaaand moving on... Nothing to see here...

Happy New Year to you all! I wish you a stellar 2010 - may the sun always shine and if it doesn't, may it only rain nice things, like ice cream and puppy dogs. Kisses!