May 31, 2009

Another Year Older and Wiser and Older

Yesterday morning I opened my eyes and rolled over in bed. The house was quiet but it was light outside the window. I sat up to check the clock on Hubby's bedside table. It said: 7:00am. I sighed and fell back on my pillow.

I stared out the window for a few minutes, watching the leaves in the trees blow in the wind and listening to the rain fall. I turned and nestled close to Hubby. His eyes were still closed.

"I'm older," I whispered in case he was still asleep.

He turned towards me and said, "Just by a day."

"No, I've added a new number to my age. I'm older."

He doesn't understand it's psychological.

I tried to explain to him later in the day, after the rain stopped and the sun came out, that aging is harder for women than it is for men. Men, as they get older, get more respect. They become distinguished and experienced. Women, on the other hand, just get old.

I understand that I'm not old yet. I understand that 34 is still young.

But I can't quite help feeling like I'm running out of time.

When I woke up yesterday morning I was older.

That's all there is to it.


But at least I got to have cake. I got to have cake and hang out with these guys:


Life is good, even if I am getting older.

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May 29, 2009

Chocolate Cake Craving or How My Hormones Hate Me

I have my period.

If that's how people are describing it nowadays. It sounds very junior high to me: I can't fill in whatever random activity here because (whispering with eyes darting side to side) I have my period.

I mean to say I'm menstruating.


I used to have very few side effects with menstruation. My period would come and it would go, no problem. No cramps, no headaches, no backaches, no problems.

I started taking the pill when I was 19. I took it right up until I decided to try to get pregnant with my first baby. After Buddy was born I went back on the pill and, for the first time, it was all about the side effects. It made me dry, you know, (shhh...) down there and it killed my libido (which takes away the whole point of being on the pill in the first place). I talked to my Doctor and she switched me to a lower dose pill and the side effects mostly went away.

Then, after I had Monkey I went back on the pill again and started having migraines. The fist one was horrible. For days I was incapacitated with extreme dizziness. I threw up. I threw up again. I tried lying in bed, but every time I closed my eyes the room would tilt. So I tried not to close my eyes. Light and sound were painful. When I stood up the dizziness would make me vomit. I was a mess. I finally asked Hubby to drive me to the emergency room.

At the hospital they told me I had a migraine and they prescribed super-pain killers. These were pills that were meant for arthritis sufferers, but which were also effective for migraines. I took a pill and half an hour later I felt better. I was very lightheaded, but the pain was gone. The sudden lack of pain made me feel euphoric, it was such a relief.

It took us awhile to figure out that the migraines coincided each month with the week-long break on the 28day cycle pill. When the drugstore suddenly started running out of my brand of pill my doctor prescribed a slightly stronger version. I filled the prescription, but couldn't bring myself to take it. I talked to Hubby and told him I didn't want to keep taking it. He agreed and I stopped taking the pill.

I haven't had a migraine since. Not one.

But since then I've had side effects with my period. I get depressed for a few days before it starts. I mean deeply sad, energy-less, uninterested in the things that would usually interest me: depressed. All I want to do is sit very still and possibly, in my more active moments, stare at stuff. As soon as my period actually starts, I'm fine - back to my usually fairly cheerful self. Those few days, though, are miserable.

My period started this morning. I'm feeling fine emotionally after a few days of feeling heartbroken.

But right now I'm craving chocolate cake.

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May 28, 2009

My Shop on Facebook

I just added Lulu's Hook to Facebook.

Want to become a fan?

It would make me happy if you did.

Thanks!

Here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lulus-Hook/112486245169?ref=nf

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New Crochet Stuff

I haven't been able to upload pictures of my crochet stuff in awhile because my computer's been refusing to recognize my camera and my cell phone and just about anything else I plug into it - cds, dvds, the printer, the ipod, you name it. Stupid computer. Hubby uploaded the pictures onto his computer and then put them in a picasa web album. Most of them are there but some of them didn't upload properly. The whole thing has been very frustrating.

All that aside, I finally have some pictures and so, without further ado, whining or excuses, here are some pictures of my most recent crochet stuff:

Mohawk Eyeball Alien




Eyeball Ball Alien




Amigurumi Bumble Bee








Bamboo Silk Sunhat




Pink Sunhat

This is actually the first item I sold in my shop. So, yay for the pink sunhat.


Granny Square Baby Blanket




Circles Baby Blanket and Matching Hat




Granny Squares Baby Blanket



Let me know what you think.

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May 27, 2009

Dears and Deers

Last weekend we drove through a park where you can feed some animals carrots through the windows of your car. The animals, which are loose in large pens that you drive through mostly consist of a collection of local wildlife, like deer and wild pigs. There are also pens with coyotes, bears and wolves which you drive past. The deer and wild pigs gather around the car and you pass them the carrots through the car windows. The car was covered in deer drool when we got home at the end of the day. EW! But it was worth it because the kids had such a great time.





There were also some lovely walking trails where the kids got to visit with some white tail deer.









And this is a completely unrelated picture of me and the boys in front of a random magnolia bush. Just because I like it and I think you will too.

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May 26, 2009

A Higher Power, Fate or the Universe

We were supposed to be moving to Toronto in August for Hubs' new job. We'd already started looking at places to live and planning our lives there.

I was supposed to be starting school at U of T in September. I worked hard to get into the program and I was so excited to have been accepted.

But it's not gonna happen.



Hubby's job in Toronto fell through. Blame the economy - it's totally its fault.

We found out a few weeks ago. At first I was devastated. No job meant NO JOB. No job meant no income. No job meant: Oh my God! What in the holy hell on a hockey stick are we going to do now?

I pictured us having to move back to New Brunswick and live in my mother-in-law's basement. I pictured us all jumbled in together trying our best not to get on each others nerves and failing spectacularly; trying to keep the kids under control so that they wouldn't destroy the paint job and the furniture; trying to decide, four adults together - all control freaks - what to have for meals every evening. I imagined a crowded, passive-aggressive nightmare in which we'd all try to live together in harmony while hiding our seething rage and stress under tight smiles.

But that's not going to happen either.



It wasn't long before Hubby was exploring job opportunities in Halifax, Toronto and locally. His best leads were here, where we've been living for the past year. We talked about it and decided staying was probably best for the family. It's lovely here and the kids are settled in school and have great friends. Hubs and I have also formed friendships with people. We know where the good restaurants and shopping are. We've figured out the best routes for getting around. We have memberships to several of the local museums. We're happy here.

The decision was still devastating for me, though. What about school? I started working on getting into the Masters of Information Studies program years ago - upgrading and finding references. I was so excited to have been accepted at a school which, if it isn't the best, is among the best of the Canadian universities. I freaked out for awhile (there might have been tears and heartfelt soliloquies, but I'll never admit it) then I took some deep breaths and went online to the local university website to see what they had to offer. I was surprised to find that, starting in September this year, for the first time, they are going to be offering a Masters of Information Studies program.

Starting in September this year.

For the first time.

Just for me, apparently.

Amazing.

I got my application in right away. I'm waiting to hear if I'm accepted or not. After applying to U of T and waiting anxiously to hear and finally finding out I'd been accepted, it's hard to have to wait and not know all over again . I can't take my acceptance into the program for granted, I'm not guaranteed a spot. It's scary because I want it so much.


Changes, man - stressful stuff. I've been roll-around-on-the-floor-kicking-and-screaming-while gnashing-teeth-and-ripping-hair stressed for weeks. But everything seems to be falling into place in an amazing way: the local university is offering my program, Hubby found a job, we found a little house we like in the catchment area for the boys' school. As long as I get into the program at the school and manage to find daycare for the boys; as long as Hub's new job doesn't fall through; as long as things stay the course, then this has worked out for the better. Life is going to be downright peachy.

And, I gotta tell ya, if everything does fall into place it will be such an amazing series of events that I might just have to start believing in a higher power, fate or the universe.

.....

May 21, 2009

I Want This

I want this t-shirt:

Although, I don't know when I'd wear it. It doesn't go with anything I own - all my other clothes are much more polite and far less indicative of what I'm generally thinking.

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On the List of Irritating Things, This Ranks High


My hay fever is making my ear canals itch.




Itchy ear canals are very irritating.

And hard to scratch.

.....

May 20, 2009

It Only Has to Happen Once

Hubs and I were having lunch together yesterday. I opened the fridge to grab the cheese (sounds like a euphemism for something naughty, doesn't it - 'Grab the cheese'? But, alas, I was simply in need of some dairy) and noticed a Tangerine Spritzer. I grabbed it and the cheese and put them on the table near my plate.

"I'm going to drink that," I said, pointing to the spritzer.

Hubs looked up from where he was spreading cheese on saltine crackers and topping them each with a single goldfish cracker, and nodded.

I sat down, picked up the can, checked the ingredients and admired its pretty orange colour. "Spritzer is just such a fun word."

"Yeah. It is."

"Would you like one?" I asked. "I've got a strawberry one in the fridge I could settle for. You could have the tangerine."

Hubs shook his head, "No thanks. Tangerine does sound interesting but I think I'll stick to tea." (Honestly! Sometimes he's such a grown-up.)

"Alright then," I said and popped open the can. I took a sip, "It's good. I think I'll pour it into a glass."

"Because it's just that fancy?"

"No, because I want to make sure there aren't any fingers in it."

Hubs laughed. "I don't think that happens very often."

I looked at him for a long moment. "It only has to happen once." I poured my drink into a glass and held it up as proof. "See? No fingers."

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The Places in my Head

According to Facebook my mind is like a forest: I am "very positive but in a way completely crazy." Although, to be honest, in what way that's like a forest I couldn't tell you.

This is a picture of my mind taken just five minutes ago:
If you decide to take a stroll please stay on the boardwalk so you don't crush any of my little thought plants. Thanks.


According to my horoscope I should enjoy the possibilities of my imagination. So I'm off to Tahiti in my mind. You should now picture me staring off into the middle distance with a relaxed, dazed look on my face while elevator music plays to keep you entertained until I return; perhaps Girl From Ipanema: Duh dada da dadada d'dah duh dada da dadada d'dah.

Physically, I am right in front of you but my mind is here:
All thanks to the possibilities of my imagination.



And that is the sum total of what I've managed to achieve today.

Well, that AND two cups of coffee.

Edited to ad: Um... make that three cups of coffee AND I got dressed. Things are lookin' up. Sure 'nough.

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May 1, 2009

Part of the 2%

Recess at school, I was playing alone on the swing set. I liked to swing high enough so that I could jump off and go flying through the air. I was good at landing on my feet.

A group of the big grade 6 girls came over and grabbed the chains my swing was hanging from. It wobbled awkwardly before it came to a stop. I had to hang on tight to keep from falling.

The prettiest girl, their obvious leader, placed herself in front of me and crossed her arms, "Do you know who Prince is?"

I thought about it. "The prince? Like from Cinderella?" I asked.

"Not the prince, Prince. Prince is his name. Do you know who he is?"

"No. Who is he?"

She looked at her friends, who were standing on either side of me towering over my swing, and rolled her eyes. "She doesn't know," she told them. They laughed.

"Who is Prince?" I asked.

"If you don't know we're not going to tell you," she said. Her friends let go of my swing and they walked away.

I went back to swinging.


---

I was playing with a kid I'd just met on the swings at school.

I asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?"

"What do you think?"

"Well," I tilted my head to the side and thought about it, "You have short hair, blue clothes and a dirty face. I think you're a boy. Are you a boy?"

"I'm not telling."

"Okay."

We continued swinging in silence for a few minutes. Then my new friend said, "I found a harmonica on the playground. It's shaped like a ladybug. Want to see it?"

"Sure," I took the harmonica and blew a descending scale of notes. They sparked an idea.

"I know," I said, "let's play with it on the slide."

"Yeah, okay."

We jumped off the swings and ran to the slide, where we spent the rest of the lunch break taking turns playing notes down the scale as we slid down the slide.


---

I was playing tag with a group of kids when a couple of them cornered me.

"You ask her."

"No you ask her."

Turning to me, "Do you know who Jesus is?"

"No."

"You don't know who Jesus is?"

"No."

"She doesn't know who Jesus is."

"She's dumb."

"Yeah." She reached out and tagged my arm, "You're it," she said.

They turned and ran off, giggling, and I ran after them.


---

He said, "Come with me, I want to show you the what the DP club is."

The DP club was a secret club the local boys had been bragging about all summer. It was No Girls Allowed. My friends and I, being girls, felt left out of the secret. Now that he'd offered to show me, I wasn't going to miss my chance to find out what it was all about. I jumped down off of the deck behind my house, where I'd been playing Barbies with my friends, to follow him.

He led me to his house, into the garage and down some stairs. He opened a door and we went inside. It was a small basement room with concrete walls and floor and no windows. The walls were lined with unfinished wooden shelves that held jars and jars of dill pickles.

"This is the Dill Pickle club head quarters," he said, gesturing to the pickles.

"What do you do here?"

"We just hang out."

"That's it?" I was disappointed. I'd pictured something much more elaborate, with code names and secret handshakes.

"Pretty much," he said, leaning towards me, "If you give me a kiss I'll let you leave."

I squinted my eyes and raised my chin. "If you don't let me out of here right now, I'm going to scream and scream. You know your mom will hear me."

He put his hands up in surrender and moved aside. I slid past him and ran home to tell my friends what a big disappointment the DP club had been.


---

It was March break and we had invited a few friends from out of province to come home with us for the week. They all piled into my little car and I climbed in behind the wheel, stretched my right foot out towards the pedals, tucked my left leg up with the heel lodged firmly between the door and the seat, placed my right hand on the gear shift and my left hand loosely on the steering wheel - my standard driving pose.

From the back seat my friend said, "You look very comfortable there, Melanie."

"Really? What do you mean?" I asked.

She shrugged, "Just that you look very comfortable."

"In what way?"

"I don't know. I just noticed and I thought I'd point it out."


---

I was walking with another girl who lived in the same residence building as me. We were chatting about mundane, everyday things.

She laughed at something I said and told me, "You're so funny, Melanie."

"But I wasn't trying to be funny."

"I know. You just are, though. You're so funny."

"Really? Like in what way?"

"Oh, I don't know... You just are, I guess. I've never met anyone like you."

"Well, I didn't mean to be funny," I told her.

She rolled her eyes. "Never mind," she said.

We finished our walk in silence.


----

My friend sent me an internet quiz. I answered a series of questions, the last few asked me to choose a country that started with the letter D, an animal whose name started with the last letter in the name of the country I'd chosen and a fruit that started with the last letter of the type of animal I'd chosen. I chose the Dominican Republic, a cobra and an apple.

The quiz concluded by saying: 'Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange? If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.'

I emailed my friend, saying, "Nope, I was thinking of a cobra in the Dominican Republic eating an apple. Guess I'm in the two percent of weird people. Colour me not surprised."

To which she replied, "I thought maybe you might be part of the 2%!"

----

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Your Dose of Happy for Today

Adorable pictures of babies: Click here.

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