March 18, 2009

Lest Ye Be Judged

I hate to judge.




I really do.




But... BUT...

Let me tell you what I saw today and then you can tell me what you think.



I was at the playpark with the kids.(Aside: I used to call them 'playgrounds' until I watched Dora The Explorer a few times and now they're all 'playparks' to me. Dora got inside my brain and gave me some kind of sinister vocabulary lobotomy).

So, I was at the playpark with the kids when I noticed two women and a little boy walking through the park. The small boy was just a typical cute little kid - grin, sweater, ball cap. He was walking hand-in-hand with an enormously overweight woman. This normally would not bother me. Being chubby myself I do not make a habit of judging other people's weight issues. They had a dog with them. A big dog. The dog was running loose and bothering a group of boys who were playing a game of soccer. Pretty dog - dark fur, blue eyes - but it should have been on a leash. Then I noticed the second woman. She was tall and slim. Slim, but very pregnant, in her seventh or eighth month, I'd say - big, round, hard belly. And she was smoking.



Smoking!


Pregnant!




GAH!

I still can't believe it.



And, when I saw that cigarette, that's when I lost all my inhibitions to judge. I decided that these were not nice people.





What do you think? How do you feel about smoking when pregnant? If you think, as I do, that it's not something that should happen - that it's really an awful thing to do, then what do you think of smoking in a playground that's full to the gills with small children? Is that bad, too? And what about me? Was I wrong to judge?

.....

20 comments :

Jen said...

I can't stand this when pregnant woman smoke or when ppl smoke around kids. It is wrong. They are not just harming their bodies but the bodies of their kids. As mothers, we are suppose to nourish and protect our children. I don't think that you were wrong at all.

Karen said...

You know, my mom smoked her head off when she was pregnant with me (in 1970). Maybe it reduced my intelligence, I'll never know, but now that we have the information, it's a shame not to use it. I can't think of any reason why it would be okay for her to smoke. So I'm judging right alongside you!

Mary G said...

I smoked when pregnant although I cut way back. This was 1966 and 1967. That bit about low birth weight in smokers' babies? Mine were 7.8 and 8.6 respectively. And are now healthy and smart adults. Thank goodness.
Now it is clear that smoking pregnant is stupid. But smoking outside in a park, even if kids are in the vicinity, is not going to do enough harm to worry about. Ontario, where I live, has banned smoking in cars where there are children under 18. There is some sense in that.

John Deere Mom said...

I saw this for the first time the other week. She had her WIC check in one hand, her "juicy" sweatpants on, one screaming kid in the cart, and another on the way...and she took one last drag on her cigarette before throwing it down. I was disgusted. I know things were different when our moms were pregnant, but it's 2009. We know it's not healthy, period. Let alone when a little baby is trying to develop and grow. It's just selfish and stupid if you ask me.

Beck said...

Ah, seriously? I don't worry about being judmental, because I know that I'm not mean or petty and so if something - like a pregnant woman smoking - strikes me as deeply wrong? I'm pretty sure it is.

Caution Flag said...

I am the queen of the judges! Yes I am. HOWEVER, I look at the diet I feed my own kids, I look at my own kids riding their bikes sans helmets, I look at them playing video games when it's 70 degrees and sunny outside, and I look at them doing flips on our very dangerous trampoline...and I keep my mouth shut.

Rachel said...

I try very hard to not be judgemental, but it's nearly impossible in a situation like this.

An adult shouldn't be smoking at a playground in the presence of children, period. And while pregnant? It really breaks my heart. To know that a mother would disregard all info and medical advice and put her child at risk. I know it's hard to quit, but if there's a time to do it, it's during pregnancy!

And it nauseates me about the mom with the WIC check in one hand, a pregnant belly, and a cigarette in the other hand... Did I say I'm not judgemental???

Brittany Ann said...

With everything we know about smoking, how could you be pregnant and still light up? It's so sad. That poor little baby.

Elaine A. said...

My initial reaction would've been the same as yours, trust me. Although we shouldn't necessarily "judge" others I think it's only human to do so when we see someone doing something that we know is wrong.

I just feel for that little baby inside, for many reasons....

Melissa said...

I think it is pretty irresponsible... (but, like you, I try not to judge). I feel like we start protecting & mothering our babies while in the womb...and that would include keeping them "poison-free".

The Blonde Duck said...

No! She was wrong to smoke! Besides, you don't let loose dogs out around kids. That ain't right.

scrappysue said...

she's mad and i would judge too - i would give her the clare huxtable stare. remember tho, that smoking is harder than heroin to quit. next time go armed with an 0800 helpline number. lol

SaraLynn said...

There is a time for everything...even judging. This is crazy! I really, really dislike seeing a pregnant woman smoke or drink for that matter. Like John
DeereMom said...we know it isn't healthy for us. So just stop!! My daughter is 8 and when she sees people smoking, she instantly starts "coughing"...hehehehe! Sometimes we get glares butI think it is funny. They want to smoke in our face...we should feel free to cough in theirs.

Studentmum said...

I judge. Having worked as a midwife, I have seen the state of the placenta from pregnant smokers. Not pretty, the babies are born addicted to nicotine and are often very irritable and usually scrawny - (though you always get told the tale of 'I smoked all through and had a 9lbs baby) I cannot abide smoking and don't like my children to be around smokers, even outside - they hold their breaths when they have to walk past one. So yes - I judge.

Kari said...

I know what you're saying, it really bothers me, too. Baseball season started for us recently and my youngest (8) has a teammate whose mom is pregnant and she always stands around at the practices smoking cigarettes. I hate to be judgemental, but, it makes me just sick to see that.

I like your blog!

Debbie said...

Like you, I know I'm not supposed to judge. But when it is something like that? How can you not. What a terrible thing to do to that baby.

Renee said...

Smoking in general is a foul and disgusting habit. And when you are Preggers. It's the worst. That poor unborn baby can't breathe through all the inhaled smoke. I can always just picture the peanut gasping and swatting away the smoke. (yes, I know they don't actually breathe yet, but still!)

Totally okay to judge and even say something! (That's the NYer in me!)

The Sustainable Backyard said...

Being an ex-smoker, cigarettes really bother me. No one in my house smokes, yet I find cig butts in my yard and it bothers me to have to walk through a cloud of smoke to enter a building where are the smokers are standing out front getting their nicotine fix.
It drives me nuts to see WIC and free/reduced lunches parents in line with cigs or beer as their extra purchases.
Smoking at the park...yes it is outside...BUT others have to breathe that air too. GAW!
Oh...and don't get me started on the leash laws. ;)

Jenn said...

Abso-freaking-lutely not! As I posted yesterday, http://jennymorningschmitt.blogspot.com/2009/03/how-annoying.html
Big time Annoying! If you're a Judgy Judgerton then so am I.

The Rambler said...

shaking head...

I can't stand it when I see it.

My mother says what a different time it is now. She had glasses of wine, MAYBE a smoke or two while pregnant with me.