Write On! Blog Proud

In response to seriously uncool treatment at the hands of The Times On-Line, Kelly at Don Mills Diva is calling on bloggers to stand up and declare their awesomeness: "I think everyone out there who blogs with passion and with creativity and with skill should speak up and declare themselves a Writer with a capital W. I think it's time that all bloggers, especially daddy and mommy bloggers (no, I don't resent that term - I embrace it) should demand the respect that their traffic, their influence and their talent commands."

Click over the DMD's Write On! post to grab the button and to find a list of proud bloggers' Write On posts.

Me?

I have an enormous case of blogger inferiority complex.

Take Kelly, for instance. Kelly is amazingly honest at her blog. Her posts are well thought out and heartfelt. She shares her life and she shares herself. She's an amazing woman - accomplished, intelligent, open, big-hearted and strong. Kelly deserves respect, no question.

But do I?

I don't tend to share enough of myself here at this blog - the blog that is supposed to be about my life. There's not much heartfelt going on around here. I'm way too shy. I hide behind my humour and I avoid showing you the REAL me. Really, this blog is my personal playground and I don't want too much sadness or struggle hanging around in my playground. I get down sometimes. I fight with my husband sometimes. I get frustrated with my kids. I often feel isolated and lonely. And I feel guilty for those negative feelings because, really, my life is wonderful. I'm grateful for what I have. But I don't often talk about any of that. Instead I link to videos that amuse me and write cute little captions to go with pictures of my kids. I think this reluctance (natch) to share all of myself online is the reason I can't seem to break the 40 readers barrier. I average 30-40 reader/day and I have for 9 months, or so. My blog seems to be unimportant in the grand scheme of the blogosphere. My voice is tiny and distant and not really saying much of anything.

I've always been like this. This blog inferiority complex is directly related to my personal inferiority complex. I tend to think the things I do are less important than what everyone else is doing.

I'm angry at myself about this. I mean seriously pissed-off. I've spent the first 30 years of my life selling myself short and assuming I wasn't good enough at what I was doing to work hard at it; that I wasn't talented enough to bother trying. I've never worked hard towards anything (that is, until the past three or four years when I've been working hard towards a lot of things - grad school, blogging, crafting, parenthood, self-respect, autonomy, etc...). I'm a moron, basically. And a bit of a jerk. I'd like to tell that little self-doubting voice in my head to sit down and shut up already. I'd like to go Kung Fu Panda all up in its grill.

So, since Kelly invited me to do so, let me drop my inferiority complex for a minute. Let me also drop my in-born Canadian reluctance to crow about my own accomplishments. Let me, for just this one post, BLOG PROUD.

I mean - look at me.

I'm doing stuff. REAL stuff.

I blog. I've written over 300 posts, some of them even have words and thoughts and paragraphs and things. Some of them are really funny. Some of them are even heartfelt. They all took time to put together. They took effort. I've also put a lot of thought and effort into the look and layout of the blog. I've nurtured it. I love my blog. I'm proud of my blog and the 13 months I've been self-publishing. I think my blog is entertaining, lighthearted, joyful and funny. I think it's worthwhile and, yes, important.

I create. I make crochet stuff and bead jewelry. I taught myself to do these things. I also created two brand new human beings. Tell me these things aren't awesome.

I'm smart, funny, quirky, creative and, yes I AM accomplished. I might not have big traffic or influence but I do have talent. I have talent in spades. And sadly this is NEWS to me.

I've been wasting my potential. And I'm declaring right here, right now, that I'm done. I'm not going to sell myself short anymore. I'm going to hold my head up high and be proud of what I can do and what I'm doing. I'm just as good as everyone else.

And it's about time I realized it.

So, yes, I will

Write on And Respect the Blog!

Thanks, Kelly!