January 31, 2008

The Lazy Housewife's Guac

When you're as reluctant as me to be a housewife and cook and clean like a good housewife should. That is, according to the Traditional Western Viewpoint (the one in which you hear "housewife" and immediately picture June Cleaver).

Click here for instructions on how to be a good housewife.

What you need are shortcuts. Cuts that are short. Short. Cuts.

So, in honour of the need for cutting things short...

Here is my recipe for easy (cheat) guacamole. It tastes almost like the real thing!

So. You need:

2 ripe avocados
some fresh cilantro
1 lime
1 jar of your favourite salsa

peel & remove the pit from the avocados. Mush 'em up real good (I use a fork).
stir in the salsa
squeeze the lime on top
chop up some cilantro (to taste) and throw it in
Mush it up some more
Eat with chips or veggie sticks

Yum.

Easy and delicious.

Also try my easy Hummus: I buy it ready made at the grocery store.

Add your tips and tricks to get past the tedium of housework in the comments section.

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January 30, 2008

Bald men with muscles

I have a thing for bald men with muscles. More specifically, I have a thing for bald, male celebrities with muscles.

Why?

Here's why:

Jason Statham


Jason Statham again, because he's special.


Will Smith in I Am Legend.
A film worth watching for the chin ups scene alone.


Brad Pitt, who apparently went bald
after seeing how well it worked for Bruce Willis.

Taye Diggs.


Vin Diesel.
Looking good, Vin!


Bruce Willis.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, Bruce.


Wentworth Miller, star of Prison Break.
A show I've not watched. Is it any good?


Patrick Stewart
Because why not?


And finally, Mr. Clean.
Was growing up with this guy the reason I like bald men?


So, in summary:

Why do I like bald, muscular men? Because they're yummy, that's why.

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Don't be dissin' Missy

So, recently I made an appointment to get my hair trimmed. I've been growing it out for ages and now it's finally entering the coveted "long" category. I made the mistake of trying "real" bangs at my last hair appointment and have been using hair clips to push them to the side, or straight back (anywhere but on my face) every since. I wanted the dry ends cut off and my straight bangs transformed into the far more stylin' "side" bangs, so that they would blend in with the rest of my hair. Yay! Hair cuttin' time! The best time? Is hair cuttin' time.

Anyway, because I am a conscientious facebook user I updated my status: "Reluctant Housewife is going to get her hair did."

This resulted in the following exchange with one of my facebook friends:

FB friend wrote
at 12:53pm on December 6th, 2007

Ha ha, the spelling police have arrived. It's done not did! :D

reluctant housewife wrote
at 1:01pm on December 6th, 2007
Ha, ha! back at ya... gotta collect your badge & gun, dude. "Get your hair did" is a pop culture reference... Missy Elliott.... Look it up! ;).

FB Friend wrote
at 4:03pm on December 6th, 2007
Boo!

This is wrong on several levels:

1. Boo? what kind of comeback is that? And from someone who calls themselves "the spelling police" no less? Boo? I ask you.... What does this even mean? my guesses:
a) "Boo" because I took his badge and gun away?
b) "Boo" because he's trying to subdue me in the grand style of the spelling police of old?
c) "Boo" because of his new day job as one of the ghosts in the Nintendo MarioWorld games?
d) "Boo" because he doesn't like pop culture references in general?
e) "Boo" because he doesn't like Missy Elliott?
If the correct answer is e, and I'm afraid it probably is.... All I can say is.... Don't. Do not. Be. Dissing. Missy.

2. Who calls themselves "the spelling police"? What is up with that? I mean who died and made him captain perfect?

3. Does he really think that I would make a mistake like "done" vs. "did"? AKA: does he really think I'm that stupid? If so, what ever gave him the idea that I'm stupid? I'm not stupid, he's stupid. So there. Yeah.

4. And "done" vs. "did".... That's grammar! Not spelling! Grammar! Ha! I say, ha!

I think my point has been proved.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest. Whew. I feel better.




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January 29, 2008

This isn't a very good conversation

I was just sitting here ruminating about a skit from the Monty Python movie, The Meaning of Life. In this skit, a couple take their seats in The Dungeon Room: "real Hawaiian food served in an authentic medieval English dungeon atmosphere", where they're offered a chance to choose something to talk about from a menu of possible conversations they can have over dinner. They choose philosophy: "Oh that sounds wonderful... Would you like to talk about the Meaning of Life, darling?"

I find this particularly funny because I often find myself having the same lack of connection and miscommunication with other people as the couple suffer in this skit. Small talk... It can be so awkward. I often wish I could call: "Oh waiter... this conversation isn't very good," and simply choose a different topic from the menu.


Without further ado, or delay, or explanation....Here is a clip of the skit from YouTube (just click on the Monty Python cast picture):


The Cast of Monty Python

Back row: Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam

Front Row: Terry Jones, John Cleese, Michael Palin




And, if you hate YouTube..... I have provided the script of the skit (simply because I care).

Courtesy of "Screenplays for you":

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Part 4: Middle Age
Waiter: Good evening... would you care for something to talk about?

[He hands them each a menu card with a list of subjects
on.]

Mr Hendy: Oh that would be wonderful.

Waiter: Our special tonight is minorities...

Mr Hendy: Oh that sounds interesting...

Mrs Hendy: What's this conversation here...?

Waiter: Oh that's football... you can talk about the Steelers-Bears
game, Saturday... or you could reminisce about really great
World Series -

Mrs Hendy: No... no, no.

Mr Hendy: What's this one here?

Waiter: That's philosophy.

Mrs Hendy: Is that a sport?

Waiter: No it's more of an attempt to construct a viable hypothesis
to explain the Meaning of Life.

[The fish in the tank suddenly prick up their fins.]

Fish: What's he say, eh?

Mr Hendy: Oh that sounds wonderful... Would you like to talk about
the Meaning of Life, darling...?

Mrs Hendy: Sure, why not?

Waiter: Philosophy for two?

Mr Hendy: Right...

Waiter: You folks want me to start you off?

Mr Hendy: Oh really we'd appreciate that...

Waiter: OK. Well er... look, have you ever wondered just why you're
here?

Mr Hendy: Well... we went to Miami last year and California the
year before that, and we've...

Waiter: No, no... I mean why *we're* here. On this planet?

Mr Hendy: [guardedly]... N... n... nope.

Waiter: Right! Have you ever *wanted* to know what it's all about?

Mr Hendy: [emphatically] No!

Waiter: Right ho! Well, see, throughout history there have been
certain men and women who have tried to find the solution to
the mysteries of existence.

Mrs Hendy: Great.

Waiter: And we call these guys 'philosophers'.

Mrs Hendy: And that's what we're talking about!

Waiter: Right!

Mrs Hendy: That's neat!

Waiter: Well you look like you're getting the idea, so why don't I
give you these conversation cards - they'll tell you a little
about philosophical method, names of famous philosophers...
there y'are. Have a nice conversation!

Mr Hendy: Thank you! Thank you very much.

[He leaves.]

Mrs Hendy: He's cute.

Mr Hendy: Yeah, real understanding.

[They sit and look at the cards, then rather formally and
uncertainly Mrs Hendy opens the conversation.]

Mrs Hendy: Oh! I never knew that *Schopenhauer* was a
*philosopher*...

Mr Hendy: Oh yeah... He's the one that begins with an S.

Mrs Hendy: Oh...

Mr Hendy: ... Um [pause]... like Nietzsche...

Mrs Hendy: Does Nietzsche begin with an S?

Mr Hendy: There's an S in Nietzsche...

Mrs Hendy: Oh wow! Yes there is. Do all philosophers have an S in
them?

Mr Hendy: Yeah I think most of them do.

Mrs Hendy: Oh!... Does that mean Selina Jones is a philosopher?

Mr Hendy: Yeah... Right, she could be... she sings about the
Meaning of Life.

Mrs Hendy: Yeah, that's right, but I don't think she writes her own
material.

Mr Hendy: No. Maybe Schopenhauer writes her material?

Mrs Hendy: No... Burt Bacharach writes is.

Mr Hendy: There's no 'S' in Burt Bacharach...

Mrs Hendy: ... Or in Hal David...

Mr Hendy: Who's Hal David?

Mrs Hendy: He writes the lyrics, Burt just writes the tunes... only
now he's married to Carole Bayer Sager...

Mr Hendy: Oh... Waiter... this conversation isn't very good.

.....

January 28, 2008

Riddle me this....

So... at various points in my life I've come across people who refuse to partake in whatever is popular, simply because it is popular. Seriously, what is up with that?

These people have variously refused to partake in Harry Potter, Facebook, popular TV, reality TV, popular movies, hollywood movies, celebrity gossip (and any of the other frivolous, fun and fabulous (i heart alliteration) pastimes that I love despite my education and nagging feeling that I should be doing something more productive). When asked for an explanation they usually tell me that these pastimes, especially hollywood movies, reality TV and celebrity gossip are bad for the brain. Apparently, they rot brains like candy rots teeth. Hun.

I guess they don't realize what they're missing. Everything I've listed above is fun, people. Fun. Remember fun?

I guess the serious, studious, and discerning people who I keep encountering are simply more highly evolved than I am. Oh well.... I'll trade evolution any day for a good movie, reality TV and big bag of M&Ms. Buh-bye brain, buh-bye teeth.... hellooooo good times.

As evidence of my love and devotion to all things popular culture, here is a photo essay I put together in my "notes" on Facebook after I had to wait for Amazon to deliver my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:

Hooray! It's here - a photo essay
12:50pm Wednesday, Jul 25, 2007

It's here! Check out the fancy box.

Woo hoo!

I opened the box.

It gets the thumbs up.

Me for the next few hours.

Was it worth the wait? I'll let you know as soon as I've read it.


Yes I am that much of a geek. Thank you for asking. I'm glad we cleared that up.

.....

Because I like blogs with pictures.

Okay. I was reading Jennsylvania today and decided I wanted a piece of the blogging fun. I decided to reopen my original blog - Reluctant Housewife. So here we are.

My original start with this blog did not go well. I caught flack because I was not very web savvy. I'm not cool. I'm not down with the IM short forms and the little symbols. But I'm going to push onward and upward and post my thoughts because otherwise they'll just sit in my head and fester. I don't really know if anyone will read this, but it doesn't really matter if they do or not.

And so, because I like blogs with pictures... here are some pictures. Enjoy!


Pretty rocks and ocean.
My family and I visited these pretty rocks in a small town-by-the-sea on Canada Day last year. A good time was had by all.



These rocks have been shaped by ocean waves.
Interesting, no? Force of nature n'all that.


Walkway around the lake. Big tree.
This was probably my favourite hike in the park. It wasn't straight uphill, it was pretty and nobody fell down. The falling down? That's a story for another time.


View from mountain top.
I think it's important that you know my 2-year-old climbed to the top of the mountain in the previous picture on his own, adorable chubby legs. He's a trooper.

More soon. If you're reading this.... remember you're my newest BFF. I heart people who read my posts. Bye!

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